Get Up While You Can
by Samara Serelle
Summary: MCR Bandfic featuring Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero and others. Dominica has had a troubled life riddled with drug abuse and emotinal turmoil but her life takes a turn when her past comes back to haunt her and her new drug of choice, Gerard
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Get off me," her voice was low in the darkness but her tone told him she was annoyed. Her elbow landed hard against his ribs and he grunted from the force. Her body was stiff against his, her muscles tense as she tried to wiggle free of him. He kept his arms locked around her.

"Let me go," she hissed again, this time her breath hot on his face. Her nails dug into his arms but he didn't budge, enjoying the friction as she wriggled against him. Her hair flitted across his face the silky tresses leaving his cheeks tingling. The grin never left his face.

Her hands wrapped around his trying to pry them apart but he put more pressure on them, keeping his fingers locked around her small waist. The curve of her butt pressed into the front of his jeans. His body instantly responded. Everything hardened as her warm body rubbed against him again. Shifting his hips to create more room in his jeans, he let out a low groan when her hand squeezed his forearm.

"Gerard, let me out," she stopped moving, her body going limp. He squeezed his arms tighter around her and nuzzled his face in her neck. He loved the sweet smell that always scented her skin. She smelled so relaxing. He took a long breath in, his lips grazing the curve of her neck. She shivered.

"Don't start," she mumbled and shifted in his arms, her shoulder pressing into his collarbone. "Please, let me up. I have to go before the guys get up. You know that."

"No," he unlatched his hands, sliding his right over her flat stomach, his fingers grazing over the strip of exposed skin between the hem of her t-shirt and the waist of her pajama pants. He wanted to slide his fingers beneath the fabric, feel her warmth skin to skin but he knew she wouldn't allow it. Not while she was trying to get away.

"Don't do this, Gee," she pressed her hand against his shoulder, pushing him away from her. He let his body sag back into his mound of pillows and she leaned over him, her long hair a black curtain between them. Her thigh slid between his legs, pushing against him. She eased her hips against his and hovered her face just above him.

He relished in the closeness of their bodies. She was so warm. He wanted to wrap himself around her just to keep that heat with him. Her breath fluttered across the tip of his nose. Her lips slowly descended, pressing against his for a split second and then she was gone. The curtain of his bunk fluttered from her movement and the cold rushed in raising goose bumps on his bare arms. Cursing, Gerard rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He hated this shit. He hated that he had to hide his relationship from the guys. He hated that she ran off every morning before the sun rose. He hated secrets. Flipping open his cell phone he checked the time. 4:35 am.

"Fuck," he grumbled and rolled onto his stomach, bunching his pillow to prop his chin on. Tossing his cell phone he grabbed his iPod and pushed the ear buds into his ears the screen lighting up when his thumb brushed over the click wheel. The paused song on the screen made him smile. It was her favorite. Hitting play he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to relax his muscles.

"Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much to far away," the voice of M. Shadows filled Gerard's ears. He didn't know why she was so obsessed with the song but he had to admit, he rather enjoyed it.

Lowering his forehead into the pillow he took a few slow breaths and slowly drifted into a state of relaxation. He could smell the apple scent of her hair mixed with the sweet smell of her skin on the pillow cover. A smile drifted across his face. Now all he needed, all he wanted, was her warmth.

* * *

><p>I started this story on Mibba before I realized people could post band fic on here. This is really exciting! This is my first ever band fic featuring my favorite band, My Chemical Romance. This story is very raw. It's not hardcore edited so there are a lot of above and beyond things, but I like it regardless. Once it's finished I'll probably go back and edit the shit out of it but for now, Get Up While You Can is my AU-ish brain child and I hope you enjoy it :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dominica frowned into her cereal. Her stomach hurt, her muscles were sore and she wasn't even hungry. Pushing the soggy mass of breakfast food through the milk she sighed and leaned her head on her hand, her long hair falling around her in thick clumps. She missed him already. She could still feel the ghost of his arms squeezed around her, feel the rumble of his throat when he groaned. She missed his presence, the press of his body against hers, the feel of his breath against her skin before he kissed her.

"Shit," she mumbled, dropping her spoon and jumping when it clanged loudly against the bowl. She pushed it away from her and slouched back into her chair.

"You're up early," the groggy voice of her roommate, Natalie, interrupted her miserable thoughts.

"Haven't been sleeping well," she grumbled into her hand and shrugged a shoulder.

Natalie shook her head and pulled out the carton of milk from the fridge. She eyed it hesitantly, pulling the lid open with her fingernail and lifting it to her nose. She inhaled slowly, her face scrunching.

"I hope you know the milk is bad," she tossed it into the sink where it splashed loudly into the stainless steel. Dominica shrugged again, pushing the cereal farther across the table. She watched Nat move around the kitchen preparing toast, her short blonde hair still messy from sleeping.

Nat pushed a chunk of hair from her face and leaned her back against the counter, her dark eyes falling on her roommate. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, babe," Dom muttered, shoving the chair out from the table and grabbing the cereal bowl. Tossing it into the sink she avoided Natalie's gaze as she made her way down the narrow hall to the bedrooms.

"I hope you're not using again, Dom," her voice cut through the air, her tone serious.

Dom's hand froze on the doorknob of her bedroom. She sighed, letting her shoulders slump and turned back toward the kitchen. She stopped in the entryway and leaned against the wall.

"I don't know why you'd even think that, Nattie. I've been clean for almost three months now."

Her roommate held her hands up, her eyes wide, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even mentioned it. I'm just concerned, Dom. I mean, you've been gone almost every night this week and you look exhausted."

Dom sighed. She wished she could just come out and reveal everything. She wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs. She was fucking Gerard Way. She just wanted it out there but they both couldn't do that. Not while Mikey was around. And especially not while Frank was messing around with Nattie either.

"I've just picked up a new hobby that's all," Dom shrugged, feeling her face flush. Yeah, the hobby of sex.

"What's that?" Nat cocked her head to the side, her blonde bob brushing her shoulder. Dom found herself admiring the blonde's beauty. She was just adorable. Her hair framed pale cheeks, her naturally pink lips drawn in a line, and her chocolate brown eyes surrounded by thick dark lashes. Her thin frame was clad in a pair of gym shorts she'd obviously borrowed from Frank and a frayed t-shirt that revealed her toned and milky abdomen.

"Ray's giving me guitar lessons," Dom finally replied, tearing her eyes away from her roommate.

"Oh cool!" Nat's eyes lit up. "Way to learn from the best."

"Yeah," she shrugged, silently cursing at her blatant lie. There was no way she'd have any kind of skill with the guitar. She made a mental note to actually ask Ray for lessons the next time she saw the boys. She knew he'd be thrilled to teach her. A yawn broke their conversation, Dom lifting her hand to cover her display of sleepiness. "I'm gonna go lay down, okay?"

Nat nodded, "You better, you look like a zombie."

Flipping her off, Dom shuffled back to her room, falling onto her bed and quickly drifting into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>The first few chapters are short... they'll get a bit longer soon :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"I'm feelin' ice cream, guys," Gerard mumbled. He lifted his gaze to the three other men in the room. All of them stared at him in different states of motion. Ray sat beside his laptop, his arm resting on one of his many guitars. Mikey sat a few feet away his thin legs crossed and his hands buried in the folds of his jacket looking for his iPod and Frank sat on the floor in the middle of the room, his legs spread in front of him as he turned the pages of a tattoo magazine and nibbled on a candy bar.

Gerard spun his chair around to fully face them tossing aside his doodle. His thick eyebrows rose at the blank expressions on the guys' faces. "What?"

"Nothing, man, go for it," Frank shrugged, tearing off a chunk of his candy. "Since you're going to the machine can you get me another?" He waved the wrapper as the lead singer stood and made his way to the door.

"Sure," he pushed the door open and stepped into the deserted hallway. Making the short way to the vending machine, Gerard took the moment to pull his phone from his pocket. He glanced at the screen and found the number he was looking for. Leaning it on his shoulder he waited for the line to ring before turning his attention to the vending machine.

He just wanted to hear her voice, listen to her breathe before he had to return to work. His breath became uneven with the anticipation. It caught in his throat at her groggy greeting. She'd been sleeping.

"Ugh, Hello?"

He tried to speak but nothing came out. His heart pounded in his chest as he listened to her groan. He could see her sprawled out on her bed; her hair messy and her lithe body clad in only a sports bra and gym shorts to sleep. She'd probably kicked the sheets to the end of the bed too, the fabric tangled around her long legs.

His throat went dry as his imagination ran away with the image. Dom groaned again and yawned.

"Gee? You there?"

He tried again to speak, clearing his throat. "Yeah, sorry, my voice is kinda shot, been singing for a few hours straight."

"Oh, well, what's up?"

"Did I wake you? It's not important. Go back to sleep," the words tumbled from his lips and her soft laugh filled his ears when he apologized again.

"It's fine, honey, really."

"I miss you."

He mentally kicked himself. Why the hell would he admit that? But it was true. He missed her; he needed her. He could barely get through a recording session without thinking about her. He needed her warmth.

"I miss you too, Gee," she whispered.

"You should fly out, hang out with us for a few days," he chanced, his heart racing at the thought. It made his palms sweat and his breathing heavy just thinking about the possibilities.

"You know I can't do that. Not now."

Gerard slumped against the wall and tucked his hand below his elbow. Resting his head against the wall he heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. He didn't want to admit she was right.

"Dom, I can't live like this forever. These secrets are killing me. We need to tell them soon."

Her sigh filled his ears. They'd had this conversation a thousand times before and she always won the argument. But somehow, Gerard needed to have it again. He desperately needed to win. Dom yawned again and he could hear her sheets rustling as she shifted her weight.

"Can we talk about this later? I'm exhausted."

"No, I need to talk about it now," he shook his head even though she couldn't see the movement.

"Well unlike you, I have a real job and I have to work in the morning so excuse me for wanting to be well rested," she snapped.

God, he loved her anger. He never really knew why, but pissing her off always excited him. He didn't care if she hated him for a week afterward but fighting with her was always thrilling. He could just see her sitting up in bed, her hand shoved in her hair to keep it from her face, her cheeks flushed with annoyance. His body hardened at the picture and he let out a low groan. This time there wouldn't be any make up sex. She was on the other side of the country.

"Dominica, we have to tell Mikey. I know you think you're hurting him, but you're hurting him more by not telling him and I can't do that to my brother. He's my fucking brother and my best friend and I never wanted to betray his trust like this."

His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, shoving a dollar into the vending machine to get a bottle of water. Dominica 's breathing filled the silence and he stuffed another dollar in the candy machine to get Frank's candy bar. Finally Dom sniffed and sighed.

"You're right. I can't keep avoiding this. But can you at least give me some time? I need to do this on my own."

"As long as you need. But I think we should do it together."

"No, not at first, okay? I need to explain myself to Mikey before we do anything. He needs to know everything. From beginning to end," her voice sounded resigned, pained even. The guilt crept up on him, closing his throat so he cleared it again.

"Okay, I understand," he nodded, scratching the back of his head. "Do you want me to buy you a ticket to LA? You know I will."

"No, but thank you. I'll see you guys when you come back to the East Coast. Tell Frank and Ray I said 'Hi'."

"I will...Dom?"

"Yes, Gee."

He paused. He was going to tell her he loved her. His throat clutched and he shook his head. He couldn't love her. Not yet. But he did. Swallowing hard he coughed to fill the silence. "Um, nothing, never mind, I'll see you in two weeks. Sleep well."

"Thanks, I will," she yawned. "I miss you, Gee. I can't wait to see you again."

"Me too," he smiled. "Bye."

Flipping his phone closed he leaned against the wall for a while, a crooked grin on his face. He'd made headway in their nearly yearlong argument. His heart froze. Had it really been a year? Before he could take a trip down memory lane the studio door squeaked open and Frank stuck his head out, his hazel eyes searching the hall before falling on Gee.

"Dude, what the fuck, it takes you ten minutes to get a candy bar?" The smile on his face gave him away and Gerard tossed him the sugary treat. Frank caught it, ripping it open with his teeth and taking massive bite out of it. He held it up with a smirk and disappeared back into the studio leaving Gerard alone again. Shaking his head with a sigh he swung the door open and rejoined the rest of the band.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Mikey frowned at his doodle. He'd always enjoyed comics and creating them but his concept just wasn't going to his liking. Tossing the pencil away he plopped the sketchbook on his desk and combed his fingers through his hair. The band had been on the road for a week now and his inspiration was waning. He glanced across the bus at Ray. He was glaring at the TV, his thumbs jamming buttons on the Xbox controller. His hair was frizzed and curly and his eyebrows were furrowed. Beside him Frank lay sprawled on a beanbag playing the game upside down.

Mikey's gaze fell on his brother who lay in his bunk with the curtain open, his headphones in his ears playing a song he didn't recognize. He stared blankly at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused as his fingers tapped to the beat of the music on his stomach.

"Stop working and have some fun, Mike," Frank waved his controller in the air to catch the bassist's attention.

"I don't feel like playing Donkey Kong, guys," he laughed and returned his attention to his scribbling. Grabbing a bit of charcoal from Gerard's stash of art supplies he turned back to his sketchbook and opened a fresh page. He let his mind wander, his hand working over the page as his thoughts drifted. He thought about his curiosity about Gerard and how distracted he'd been lately. He wanted to know what was eating away at his older brother but he knew if he tried to ask he'd shut down. He just hoped it had nothing to do with drinking or drugs. Or Dominica. A frown creased his face at the thought of her. He had to admit he missed her, but the pain that came with her still gnawed at his heart.

Letting out a sigh, Mikey leaned back in his seat, dropping the charcoal on the page. He glanced down at his drawing and his frown deepened. He'd sketched a rough portrait of her. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately and he had no idea why. She'd been on his mind since she introduced her roommate to Frank. He liked Natalie, it just hurt that she was so happy with Frank when he had had to suffer at the sight of Dominica.

"Dude, you really need to let her go," Frank's voice interrupted Mikey's staring and he looked up into the sparkling hazel gaze of the guitarist. Shrugging his shoulders he closed his sketchbook and pushed it away from him.

"I can't. I loved her," he muttered, scrubbing his face with rough hands. "And she's been on my mind a lot lately."

"Why?" Frank slid into the booth across from him and leaned his elbows on the table. He looked genuinely concerned.

"Because the anniversary of the day she left is tomorrow," he grumbled. "I can't just forget that. Two years ago today I met the woman of my dreams and blew it with her. And it kills me every fucking day."

"Have you talked to her?"

"Not recently," he slid from the booth and made his way to the coffee maker. There was still two cups worth of the caffeinated beverage and he poured himself a mug, sticking it in the microwave to reheat it. He could feel Frank's eyes on him as he mixed in cream and sugar to his liking and sat back down. "I hate reheated coffee."

"Yeah, looks gross," Frank scrunched his face when Mikey took a sip. "You should call her. Nat's been worried about her recently anyway. She said she's been acting weird. She thinks she's using again."

Mikey nearly choked on his coffee. He pushed it away, coughing into his arm. When he could catch a breath he returned his gaze to Frank, his eyes wide. "What?"

"Yeah, that's what I said too. Hasn't she been clean for like a couple months?"

He nodded, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. There were a few unread text messages from friends and a girl he'd met a few nights ago. Ignoring them, he paged through his contacts until he found Dom's number and typed out a quick text asking how she was doing and if she was free to talk. After it sent he groaned and tossed his phone on the table.

"She better not be using again. I didn't go through hell and high water to help her for nothing."

"I know, dude. I'm just saying, Nat's concerned. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. I dunno. I love her but she's way more trouble than it's worth," he clapped his hand on Mikey's shoulder with a sympathetic look. "But I gotta love her for introducing me to Nat, so she's not all bad."

The two shared a laugh and the phone on the table vibrated, the screen lighting up. As Frank returned to the Xbox, Mikey pressed a button on his phone to read Dom's reply. 'I'm fine, Mikey, and I'm free now if you want to call. I miss talking to you.'

His heart skipped in his chest and he scrambled for the bus door, almost tripping over his own feet to get outside. His long fingers fumbled over the buttons on his phone and he finally got the call sent and raised it to his ear. He glanced up into the sun, squinting as the line rang.

"Hi Mikey," she greeted him. He could hear the smile in her voice and it made his stomach erupt with butterflies. Wrapping an arm around his middle he leaned against the side of the bus, kicking rocks with the toe of his Converse.

"Dom, hey, how are you?"

"I'm all right I guess. How are you?"

"I'm good," he breathed, he wasn't too fond of the awkward pleasantries but he didn't want to just jump in and demand if she was using. He thought for a minute and shook his head. She didn't sound like she used to, miserable and distraught. She sounded satisfied, almost happy.

The line went silent for a moment, the air crackling quietly between them. He could hear her breathing a steady wind into the receiver. He used to hate these silences, mostly because he feared for the worst whenever she stopped talking, but this one was different. She was sober on the other side.

"So, how's the work coming? Have you gotten a job yet?" he finally asked and she laughed.

"Yeah, I'm working at a night club in Manhattan, it just opened a few nights ago. I'm a bartender by night, artist by day. Oh, I finally got a mural commission. My first one. I'm psyched."

"No way! That's great," he paused. "But you're a bartender? Isn't that hard considering…" He let his voice trail and she laughed again.

"I needed to do something with my extensive drink knowledge since I can't use it on you guys anymore, I decided I'd might as well get paid for it and the cash flow is good where I'm at right now. It's hard sometimes but I deal. It's nice being sober. The problems seem less traumatic with a clear mind. And I have nobody to thank but you for that."

The tenderness in her voice caught him off guard and he could feel his face flush. Clearing his throat, Mikey glanced around the parking lot and sighed. "I'm glad you're doing well, Dom. I'm sorry I haven't called lately. Shit's been crazy with the album and getting back into the groove of things, you know. I miss talking to you."

"I've missed you too, Mikey," she assured him. The sincerity in her tone sent a jolt of hope through him. Maybe he still had a chance to make things right. He swallowed hard. Should he ask?

"Listen, I was wondering if you could ask Ray if he might give me guitar lessons? I need a hobby."

"Yeah, sure. Frank and me can chip in too. I'm sure he needs an excuse to see Nattie as much as possible anyway, he's, like, pining for her."

"I know! He calls her all the time and I think they've dabbled in phone sex. Sometimes I hear her making strange noises on the phone with him and it freaks me out," she laughed.

"I heard that!" Natalie's voice rang out in the background and Dom erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Well, that explains a lot," Mikey mumbled under his breath as her laughter died down.

The line descended into silence again and Mikey sighed. It was nearing time to get going again but he didn't want to. He wanted to be in New York with her. He wanted to reconnect.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry, Mike but I have to go. I'm going to be late for work and I can't get fired. It was so nice hearing from you again though. Feel free to call anytime. I miss having my Mikey in my life."

"I'll keep that in mind," his face hurt he was smiling so much. He felt like a giddy schoolgirl. She said goodbye and the line disconnected but he kept the phone to his face a few seconds longer before stuffing his phone in his pocket. Not wanting to go back on the bus he wandered around the parking lot, enjoying the fading sunlight. He kicked a few rocks around until the bus door swung open and Gee stuck his head out. He looked tired.

"Come on, we're leaving soon," he waved and then paused, his head cocking to the side. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"No reason," the younger Way tried to force down his grin, following his brother back onto the bus to hit the road again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Hey, can I get a Budweiser over here!" a gruff voice demanded as Dominica pulled her hair up into a ponytail to start her shift. She sighed, grabbing a bottle from the mountain of cold beer and ice under the bar. She slid it to the customer quickly, taking his money and stuffing it in the register. Her eyes scanned the already packed bar. She silently cursed her boss for putting her on without her usual partner. Because it was a sports night, the bar was already swarming with men of all shapes, ages and sizes, all ordering beer and yelling at the various TVs playing football games.

Leaning back against the counter she crossed her arms over her chest. By the end of her shift she knew she'd be craving the cold comforts of a beer and a cigarette like her life depended on it. The thought in itself terrified her. She hadn't smoked or drank in three months but this job had sorely tested her before. Steeling herself she mentally chanted, "It's just another night. It's just another night. Don't let it become one of 'those' nights. It's just another night."

"Hey, toots, my girl needs a whisky sour over here!" a heavily New York accent yelled at her.

"Coming right up!" she plastered on a smile that didn't reach her eyes and grabbed the necessary ingredients, quickly mixing the drink and passing it off to the man in need. The woman he clutched to his side looked miserable, her done up face a mask of happiness when her big blue eyes gave her boredom and sadness away. Flashing a crooked smile when their eyes met, Dom flitted to the opposite end of the bar to help another customer.

"Dominica," the deep voice of her boss, Darryl, interrupted her groove two hours later and the barmaid froze, smoothing her hands over the black tee shirt she donned as her uniform.

The large man lumbered over to her, his muscles bulging out of a skintight tee shirt, the club's name embellished on the breast. He pushed aside two sleazy looking Italians and leaned his massive elbows on the bar. Dom tried her best not to look terrified, although under the counter her hands shook like crazy as Darryl eyed her thin frame.

"You dance right?" he rumbled, grabbing a napkin to wipe beer residue from the shiny surface.

"Yeah, it was my hobby of mine in college until I dropped out," she nodded, shoving her hands in her pockets to quell the shaking. "Why?"

"I got a new kid coming in to tend bar until he gets the swing of it so I'm putting you on VIP, which requires occasional dancing," he explained, his attention falling on a girl across the room cheering the Jets with a group of suitors.

"D, I would feel more comfortable here," she started but he shot her a warning glare, shutting her up.

"You want to keep your job right?"

Her jaw clenched, "Yes."

"Then get moving, Pocahontas." He tugged a strand of her dark hair and stalked off into the crowd as music pumped from the main dance floor on the floor above.

"Son of a bitch," she grumbled, slamming her hands against the wood of the bar. She glared at Darryl's retreating back as a woman sidled up to him and grabbed his waist. Tossing the towel dangling from the back pocket of her skinny jeans she made her way around the bar to the bathrooms where the employee break room was situated.

Banging the door open she glanced over her appearance in the mirror, pulling her hair from the ponytail and combing her fingers through it. She stared at herself and sighed. She still didn't recognize her reflection. Her face had filled out and the purple bags that used to constantly adorn her eyes were gone. She touched her fingers to her lips, finding they were no longer chapped and starved for moisture. Her gray eyes swirled with hints of silver and her teeth no longer held the yellowish tint that had plagued her since college. She looked healthy.

"Dominica, five minutes!" Darryl's bark interrupted her mirror time and she spun away from it, quickly jogging from the room and up the back steps to the top floor roped off specifically for VIP.

The music pounded in the enclosed area and Dom slid behind the bar. She eyed the more expensive collection of alcohol around her, taking note of the priciest drinks on the highest shelf. Closing her eyes for a minute she took a long breath in, ignoring the tap on the bar from an impatient patron, and let it out through her nose. Her nerves eased, letting her focus on doing her job instead of her raging need for a cigarette or something stronger. Spinning around she met the man's gaze and offered him a smile only to be barked at for taking too long.

The night stretched with relatively little else than occasional customers getting impatient with her drink making speed. Dominica found her mind wandering as she checked her watch during the last stretch of her shift. She leaned back against the bar, watching the grinding bodies and flailing arms on the dance floor. She hadn't been clubbing in ages. She'd forgotten how to enjoy music. Licking her lips she listened to the thumping beat making the walls shake and frowned. She knew she didn't like rap or whatever remixed crap was setting her nerves on end. Making a mental note to find her iPod when she got home, she grabbed the cloth to clean up the bar when a hand slapped against the surface.

Eyeing the chubby fingers with tanned skin and dirty fingernails, Dominica's eyes traveled up the muscular arm to the sneering face staring at her. Her throat went dry but she straightened her posture and wiped her hands on her thighs.

"What can I get you?"

He leaned forward, the cocky grin making her nervous. He tapped his knuckles against the bar, pretending to think about what he wanted when she knew he was going to order a Jack. It's all he ever drank.

"How bout some Jack and a beer," he said, winking at her and taking as seat on the stool beside him.

Nodding silently, Dom turned her back to him, her chest heaving as she struggled to contain her emotions. Her hands trembled slightly as she grabbed the beer and a shot glass, placing them gently on the bar before grabbing the bottle of Jack. She could feel his eyes on her and it made her skin crawl but at the same time, the familiar pull of danger and the comfort he offered drew her in as she poured his drink.

"Thanks, doll," he smiled, downing the Jack and taking a swig of the beer. He tapped his finger again and she refilled the shot, her hand trembling slightly, splashing the amber liquid onto the bar.

"Sorry," she mumbled, wiping the droplets away. His hand fell on top of hers, the calloused skin scraping against her soft hand. Her eyes lifted to his and she swallowed when his fingers squeezed lightly.

"I haven't seen you in a while," he whispered, tugging her closer so her abdomen pressed against the edge of the counter. "Where've you been, Dommie?"

She opened her mouth but her voice didn't work. Swallowing again she tried to calm herself down and answer with a rasping whisper. "I've been sober."

His laugh boomed over the music and his hand fell away from hers. She pulled it off the bar, resting it against her stomach as she took two steps away from counter, needing the distance. His laughter gave her shivers, and not in a good way, his huge shoulders bobbing up and down as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"You're joking right?"

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

He frowned. "Sweetie, you were one of my best customers. You can't tell me you've forgotten that." The cocky grin returned and he licked his lips, eying her hungrily. "You would do anything for some spliff and a cocktail."

"Not anymore," she hissed and glanced at her watch. A rush of relief washed through her, her shift had ended. She untied the apron from her waist and tossed it under the bar, her skin prickling with the familiar need to return to old habits.

"Dommie, come on, baby, you need me, remember?" he leaned toward her as she made her way to the end of the bar to clock out.

"No I don't, Luke. Now please leave me alone," Dom tried her hardest to stay calm while she typed in her login on the register. Her entire body trembled with energy but she ignored it, stepping out from behind the bar to go back to the ground floor to get her things. She tried her hardest to give Luke a wide berth but he wrapped a thick hand around her arm, pulling her body against his massive thigh.

The stench of alcohol mingled with the spearmint smell of his breath when he leaned close to her face, his lips mere inches from hers. She kept her eyes on anything but him, praying for an interruption when he inhaled, smelling her cucumber-melon body spray.

"If you ever need anything," he tilted his head so his breath fluttered over her neck, "just give me a ring. I know you still have my number."

Her breath caught in her throat and she clenched her jaw tightly, praying he'd let her go. When his hand slid free of her arm she scurried away before her boss discovered she'd been conversing with a well-known drug dealer. She burst into the break room, grabbing her things and ignoring everyone around her as she pulled her coat over her shoulders and buttoned it up. She waved goodbye and rushed back into the club, taking the emergency exit to get out into the cold city air.

Without even thinking about the time she whipped out her cell phone and held it to her ear, praying he'd answer her desperate phone call.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Mikey groaned as the ringing of his cell phone tore him from his sleep. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed, his fingers fumbling for the vibrating phone accidentally knocking it to the floor where it buzzed against the carpet. Slapping his hand over it to muffle the noise he glanced at the screen, frowning at the name before connecting the call.

"Why you calling so late, Dom?" He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up his sluggish mind but he knew the fog wouldn't go away without coffee. He heard her sniff on the other line but she didn't speak right away.

"Luke was at the bar tonight," she finally whispered. "He wanted me to come back to him."

"What? How did he find you? You can't!" The words fumbled from Mikey's mouth and he sat up, cursing when his forehead hit one of the rungs holding the bunk above him stable.

Rubbing the fresh bump he rolled out of bed, making his way to the front of the bus to sit down and make a cup of coffee. Dom hiccuped on the other end. He knew she trying not to cry and wanted to be there to wrap his arms around her to make her feel better. Her breathing slowed and she cleared her throat as he turned the coffee pot on and sat down.

"Mikey, I'm scared. What if he finds out where I moved? What if he tries to hurt me or Nat?"

Pushing his hair from his face, Mikey sighed, "He's not going to do that, Dom. I promise. He's not that stupid."

She groaned, "You didn't see his eyes."

"Dominica, take a deep breath. Where are you? Are you home?"

"No, I'm waiting for Nat to come get me." Her voice sounded small, like a little girl's, over the swishing sounds of the city in the background. She coughed again and cursed under her breath. He could tell she didn't know what to do with herself.

"Okay, listen to me, just relax, I'm sure he'll at least leave you alone for the rest of the night. Go home, get some sleep and call me in the morning. Just don't do anything stupid." He tapped his hand against the table and waited for her reply. When she didn't say anything he pulled the phone away to make sure the call was still connected.

"Dom?"

"Yeah, I'm here," she whispered.

"Are you all right?"

"Mikey, I—" she started but a car horn interrupted her. "I have to go, Nat's here."

"Wait, Dom!" he called out but she was already saying goodbye. The line disconnected and he cursed, tossing the phone onto the table. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the surface and tangling both hands into his hair. She'd wanted to tell him something. He wondered what it might be. It couldn't be the drugs, she'd been sober but shaken when she called. His head ached and he pressed his forehead against the table, the cold surface easing the pain a bit more.

A muffled shuffling broke the quiet and he glanced up only seeing a shadow moving around the bunk area. Mikey's eyebrows pulled together and he tilted his head, squinting into the darkness when Gerard made his way into the light, his hair a wild mess around his face.

"What the fuck are you doing up?" he grumbled, scratching the back of his neck and breathing in the coffee smell wafting from the machine.

"Dom called me freaking out," he said before he could stop himself.

Gerard's head popped up and he turned to face his younger brother, his tired eyes now wide, "What happened?"

"Luke."

Letting out a low curse, Gee leaned his back against the counter and crossed his arm over his chest. "What did he do?"

"Nothing, just freaked her out," the younger Way shrugged. "I think she was just over reacting."

Gee nodded. His lips formed a thin line and he stared back into the darkness of the bus. He could see the silhouette of Frank's arm dangling over the side of his bunk and Ray's slow breathing filled the silence. He felt the weight of it pressing on his eardrums and he cleared his throat to make some kind of noise.

Mikey met his brother's gaze and offered a crooked grin. "So, why are you up?"

Gee shrugged, "I smelled coffee."

Nodding, Mikey stood up and grabbed his phone. He glanced longingly at the coffee maker but new it was too late to have another cup. He didn't even know why he turned it on. Shrugging, he tossed his phone onto the counter beside the machine and shuffled back to his bunk, climbing under the covers to try and fall back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Gerard scanned the mass of bodies, he could feel their energy coursing through him and it made his skin tingle. He jumped to the beat of the song and made his way toward the end of the stage, his eyes still searching for the face he was looking for. She had to be there. He needed her to be there.

Hands shot toward him as he approached the very edge of the stage and he reached out, letting them grab at him for a moment before pulling back. A scarf flew past his head and he scooped it up before Frank could slip on it and slung it around his neck. It smelled like sweat and roses. He waved his hand in front of him, encouraging his audience to jump up and down when he saw her. Just out of the corner of his eye he saw her brilliant gray eyes. He could pick those eyes out anywhere. The familiar sparkle of her smile that always made his heart flop. She winked at him and he pointed at her before continuing the song, drifting toward the opposite side of the stage to get the quieter side riled up.

"Let me see your fuckin' hands!" He waved his fingers, and a sea of hands greeted him. The microphone shook in his grip and he moved back to center stage, clipping it on the stand. Mikey drifted toward him and leaned over as Gerard danced toward the drums to take a drink of water.

"Did you find her?" he hissed.

"Stage left, second row," Gerard informed him, seeing the love and hope in his brother's eyes. The warm brown orbs drifted for a moment and a smile stretched across his face. Gee patted his brother's shoulder and made his way back to the mike to transition to the next song without missing a second.

She was waiting for them when their set ended, her hands tucked in the pockets of her skinny jeans. Her hair hid half her face and Gee noticed she'd added blue streaks to the mass of black. Her cheeks were flushed and a few droplets of sweat clung to her hairline but she looked beautiful. A crooked smile crossed her face when Mikey ran up to her, wrapping her in a tight hug. He wished he could openly hug her like that. Kiss her hard and show everyone how much she made him whole. But he couldn't so he kept his distance, sipping from his water while Frank hugged her and planted a kiss on her cheek and Ray lifted her off the ground.

He sighed wiping his new scarf over his forehead to remove the excess sweat. He took a few steps toward them but didn't move too quickly. He didn't want to come off as awkward and have Frank or Mikey notice. They always did. When her pale eyes found him her smile lit up the room and she jogged to him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

Closing his eyes, Gerard hugged her back, breathing in her familiar scent. It felt so good to be back, both in New York and in her arms. Her lips pressed against the side of his neck and he had to fight a moan at the feel of her lips discreetly pressing against his skin. He turned his head in toward her, squeezing her against him, relishing the brief moment before she pulled away.

"It's so great to see you guys again," she said, her voice breathy. He'd felt her tremble and wanted to ease her nerves. Behind her excitement she looked terrified and all he wanted to do was help her relax.

Mikey draped his arm around her and grinned. He hadn't looked so happy in weeks. The guilt gnawed at the pit of his stomach. He was taking that happiness away and his kid brother had no idea. Not even an inkling. Gee's smile faded and he pushed his hair from his face, making his way toward the stairs to their dressing room. Frank and Ray followed but Mikey stayed behind, his attention still wrapped up in her.

"Dom seems to be doing well," Frank noted, cracking open a can of Coke and sitting down.

"Yeah, she looks great," he muttered.

He watched Ray slide his headphones over his ears, something they all usually did to work off the last of the concert high. He pulled the scarf from his neck and draped it over a chair, steeling himself for the VIPs who usually rushed in to meet them after shows.

Gerard loved his fans, they all did, but he couldn't focus on them like he wanted to. His mind kept wandering, his eyes searching for Mikey and Dominica but he couldn't find them through the mass of people waiting to get a picture or an autograph from him. Slowly he made his way down the line, smiling, signing and accepting artwork for his massive collection at home. He accepted gifts, offered hugs, even allowed a kiss on the cheek or two, but it was all mechanical. He tried to keep his smile genuine. He smiled so hard his cheeks hurt, but little helped.

When he finally reached the end he let out a sigh of relief. Sitting back on the worn leather couch along the dressing room wall he paged through a few of the drawings. Most of them were of Mikey, which made him smile. He loved how much the fans took care in creating works of art for is collection. Someone cleared their throat, a shadow interrupting his light and he looked up to see her standing her standing over him, her hands behind her back.

"Mr. Way, I was wondering if you'd accept this," she said, her lips twitching to hide a smile.

"Of course," he replied and she held out a quick pencil sketch of him that she'd drawn on a napkin. Taking it he ran his hand over the details and grinned. "Thanks."

"Anytime," she winked and signaled for him to flip the napkin over. He followed her directions and smiled at the address scrawled on the back. It was her studio. The one she rented to store her artwork so it didn't clog up her apartment. Folding the napkin, he tucked it in his pocket and nodded, watching her bounce away toward Ray and sit down beside him.

His knew his night was only going to get better and he couldn't wait. His hands trembled with the anticipation but he had to wait for Mikey before he could leave. He knew their parents wanted to spend time with him too and he couldn't deny them the little time they had with him before he left again. Stretching his legs out he rested his head back against the couch cushion and closed his eyes. He just needed to be patient. He just needed to get through a few more hours.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dom chewed her fingernails, her teeth clicking loudly as she gnawed on them. Her nerves wouldn't let her stay still so she paced along the loft overlooking her studio. She'd expected her guest over an hour ago but he still hadn't shown up. Sighing, she smoothed her hands over her tee shirt, her fingers trembling with the adrenaline coursing through her. She'd been looking forward to this moment for two weeks and now that it was here, she could barely keep calm.

Breathing slowly through her nose, she tried to calm her racing heart. She'd never looked forward to anything as much as she looked forward to seeing Gerard walk through her door. She paused; she had looked forward to one thing more. Drugs: her daily cocktail of pills and booze. She'd pined for her toxic fix to the brink of insanity. But it had been a different kind of need. Pathetic and dependent on the pills to make her numb. Now all she wanted was to feel. She wanted to feel safe in someone's arms. She needed the one person she knew understood her completely.

The vibrating of her phone stopped her eager pacing and she jogged to the front door where she'd dropped her keys and phone on the table she kept beside it. Her heart slammed in her chest as she fumbled to answer it, her smile making her face ache.

"Gee, where are you? I thought you'd be here by now."

His voice was soft on the other end, and she could hear Mikey talking to their mom in the background. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to get out of here, but you know my mom. She doesn't like when I leave. Especially after so long."

"I know, tell her I said hello. If you want I can come get you," she offered, sticking her thumb between her front teeth and biting down.

"I don't think that's a good idea, considering…"

She nodded, realizing her mistake and frowned, "Well, just get here as soon as you can, okay? I'm lonely."

"I promise," he assured her and they said goodbye. Dom sighed, tossing her phone back on the table. She turned to face the open room her eyes falling on an unfinished painting still waiting for her on the easel.

Tilting her head to the side she studied it, seeing the lines loosely sketched across the canvas. It was one of her more abstract pieces, the subtle hints of color splashed across it skewing the subject. Walking toward it, Dom ran her finger over the dried acrylic. Her eyes fell to the still life she'd set up as a reference and she frowned. The martini glass was still overflowing with the last of her pill stash. She dipped her finger into the cocktail and picked up one of them, studying the little blue caplet. She'd forgotten what its affects would have been so she dropped it back into the glass and turned her back on it.

She paced for a few more minutes, each one feeling like hours as they dragged by. Quietly she hummed to herself the tune one of the more recent releases by My Chem. She chewed her nail, rearranged artwork and even cleaned the washbasin she used for brushes as she waited, unable to stay stationary for more than a few seconds.

When the impatience finally got the best of her she marched over to her cell phone and grabbed it angrily, dialing Gee's number. Her thumb hovered over the send button when she paused. She couldn't be angry with him for wanting to spend time with his family. He rarely saw them anyway. She stared at the phone, still tempted to call him. Biting her lip Dom took a deep breath and hit the end button, jumping when the buzzer to the front door broke the impatient silence.

"Thank God," she breathed, jamming her finger into the unlock button. She could barely contain herself as she listened for the elevator, the machine jangling loudly in the hall. She combed her fingers through her hair and flattened her shirt again. Her palms began to sweat and she wiped them on her jeans.

His knock was soft on the door but she heard it, lunging at the knob and yanking it open. He offered her a crooked smile and she breathed a long sigh as he stepped into the studio. He'd only been there once before so his eyes travelled over the hundreds of canvasses stacked along the walls and on old furniture. Dom watched him, her body shaking as she stared at him while he studied her space. She closed the door and leaned against it, thrilled to finally see him amongst her prized possessions.

"Sorry it took so long. Mikey wanted to come with me so I had to bullshit an excuse," he turned to her and shrugged his leather jacket off, tossing it on the couch.

"You told him you're here?" she breathed, her eyes widening with worry.

"No, but I think he knows something's up." He inched toward her, his eyes travelling over her body while she remained pressed against the door.

"Oh," she sighed. "I tried to tell him, Gee. I tried so hard but I couldn't," she finally rushed to him and he stopped her, pressing his palms to her waist. She rested her hands on his forearms and they stood there for a second, staring at each other. Her chest heaved up and down and Gee could feel her trembling.

"Don't think about that now," he pulled her closer, his hands still gripping her waist.

Her fingers crept to his face, pushing his hair away from his eyes. She trailed them between his eyes and down his nose, stopping at his lips. He parted them, and she rested her index finger on his bottom lip. When she didn't do anything else he kissed the pad of her finger and smiled.

"I miss you," she muttered, bowing her head. "All the time."

"Me too."

She sniffed, trying to blink away tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. It made her feel pathetic. Dropping her hand to his chest she kept her eyes away from him. He cupped her face gently in his hands, lifting her chin so she'd meet his gaze. His thumbs drifted over the wetness on her cheeks, smudging it.

"Sorry."

He pulled her to him, his lips consuming hers gently, carefully. His hands dropped to her throat, his fingers clammy against the skin. Dom's eyes drifted closed as he slid his tongue between her lips and she grabbed his waist, pressing her body against his. Breathless, Gee continued his assault on her mouth. He slid his hand into her hair pulling her as close as possible, his fingers tangling in the silky tresses as their tongues danced.

Dom slid shaking hands down his chest to the waist of his jeans where she found the hem of his shirt. She moaned into his mouth, tugging the tee shirt up his abdomen. He pulled back, eyeing her swollen lips and eager gaze. Dom bit her lip, tugging the shirt up over his head and tossing it to the floor. She paused, catching her breath and smiling.

"You taste like cigarettes."

He laughed, "And you love it."

She nodded, biting her lip again and Gee pulled her face back to his, kissing her hard. Her arms wound around his neck and she slowly leaned her weight forward, inching them closer to the stairs leading to the loft over looking the studio. Gee slid his hands under her shirt, their lips separating only so he could remove the fabric keeping his hands from her warm skin. Their heavy breathing and the muffled plop of clothes hitting the floor filled the quiet of the studio as they stumbled up the stairs.

Dom pushed Gee onto the neatly made bed, her long hair falling around him as she desperately struggled with his belt buckle. Her shaking fingers fumbled with the metal, finally getting it unlatched. Gerard wriggled from his jeans, kicking them to the floor and they both paused. He reached up, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ear. She nuzzled her face into his hand, her cheeks flushed from excitement. He shifted his weight, flipping her so she lay beneath him; their legs tangled as he slid her jeans off to join his on the floor.

Gerard could barely contain himself when she pulled him back to her, the heat from her body extinguishing the numbing cold that had consumed him since she'd left him two weeks prior. He just wanted to wrap himself around her, let his needs take over but he knew she didn't want that. He had to be slow, methodical, so he pinned her wrists to the mattress, his mouth moving over her throat leaving a wet trail from his tongue.

Her quiet gasps of pleasure drove him wild as he kissed his way down her body, taking time with each breast before continuing his descent. He relished her touch as she tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging gently when she liked what he was doing. Her entire body shook with anticipation as he toyed with her, his mouth finding all her tender spots as if they'd never missed a day apart. Gee grinned when she shook with her first orgasm, her body radiating the heat he'd craved since their last meeting. Kissing his way back to her mouth, Gee wrapped his arms around her, groaning when she slid her leg between his thighs.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Gee pulled her on top of him, wanting nothing more than their bodies to be joined. Dom laughed, her lips descending on his as she straddled him. He tangled his fingers in her hair, not letting her pull away from him as she moaned into his mouth. He pulled her flush against him as they found their rhythm. Desperate to keep the cold away, they stayed pressed together until both shook with release.

Dom fell limp against him, her breath still heavy but a tired smile remained on her face. She nuzzled her face in the crook of his neck and sighed with content. She smoothed her fingers over his chest and up his throat. Gee closed his eyes, enjoying the soft bursts of sensation when he fingertips grazed his skin. He laced his fingers together, holding her against him. She pulled the rumpled covers over them, trapping their heat in the cocoon of fabric.

"Can we just stay like this forever," she whispered.

Gee tilted his head down to look into her half open eyes. He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose, "If only we could."

The room descended into silence and Dom sighed. Gee knew she was thinking about Mikey. About how much she didn't want to tell him about them, about how she really got clean and sober, about their long hours just talking and bonding over their common addiction. He knew she still loved his brother deeply, he knew it ate at her insides just like it did his. The steady ache of guilt that always gnawed just under the surface was ever present.

Before Gee could say anything he heard her breathing slow. She'd fallen asleep. Closing his eyes, he focused on keeping his mind blank. He concentrated on the feeling of her body against his, her breath fluttering over his skin and her heat lulling his muscles into relaxation. Pushing away the guilt, he enjoyed the moment until he fell into a peaceful sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Dom awoke with a start. She sat up in the bed and glanced around, pausing when her eyes fell on the relaxed form of Gerard beside her. She watched him sleep for a moment, leaning down to push the hair from his face. He smiled at her touch but didn't wake up. Instead he rolled onto his side and sighed. Letting out a slow breath, Dom stretched, leaning her elbows on her thighs and burying her head in her hands. She'd never had a dream so vivid, so horrific.

A shiver wracked her spine as the images returned. Hospital beds and beeping machines, nurses fussing and the heart monitor ringing. Hands groping and her body seizing. She'd never wanted to experience that again: overdose, death, Luke.

Another shiver shot through her at the thought of him. The only man she'd ever been deathly afraid of. And he'd found her again. Her hands shook and she opened her eyes, staring at her palms before pulling them away. Silently she reassured herself that it was only a dream. She was sober now. No pills, no alcohol, nothing. Just art and work and Gerard. She glanced down at him again and reached her hand out, running it along his side. She had forgotten about the scar along his hip where Luke had slashed at him.

That had been the worst night of her life. Not only had she almost died, but he'd been hurt and Mikey…. She felt her eyes well with tears. Blinking rapidly to make them go away she sniffed. It still hurt to think about it. His pain was her fault. He'd confided in her and she'd run off, too afraid to face it.

"Dom?"

Gerard's voice was sleepy and she glanced down at him when he rolled to face her, rubbing his eyes to see her sitting up beside him. He tucked an arm behind his head and cupped her face with his free hand.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered, sliding back beside him. "I just had a bad dream."

"Are you sure? You look terrified," he pulled his hand from her face and rested it against her hip. She returned her head to rest on his chest and listened to his breathing.

"I'm fine, Gee. Go back to sleep. Lord knows you need it." She kissed his shoulder. He chuckled and nodded.

"I guess I do."

Dom waited for his breathing to even out again and his hand went limp on her side. She sighed and tried to ease herself back to sleep to little avail. When nothing worked she simply closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, trying to match the slow pace of Gerard's. When that didn't help she heaved a sigh, throwing the covers away from her and shuffling to the small bathroom hidden in the wall. She wrapped her only robe around her and padded to the small kitchen, fumbling with the drawers in her search for nicotine.

"Where are you?" she whispered, yanking open the three drawers she kept her papers in, fumbling through the stacks until she found her last carton of cigarettes. "There you are." She grinned, tapping one into her hand before returning to the pile of papers for her lighter. She found it tucked beneath an already paid phone bill and found her way to the small window beside the bed, curling up in the sill and cracking it open.

Dom shivered as the cool night air washed over her bare toes. She stuck the cigarette between her lips and flicked the lighter her body trembling with anticipation. When she finally got the little flame to stay lit, Dom leaned forward, pulling the first drag in three months through her lips, the smoke filtering out around the cigarette and through her nostrils. She coughed, unused to the burn in the back of her throat but her muscles relaxed and she grinned.

"I thought you were supposed to be completely clean, Dominica," Gerard's sleepy voice interrupted the quiet and she jumped, blowing a cloud of smoke through the open window. "No cigarettes."

"Damn. Busted. You're the lightest sleeper I've ever met." She bit her lip as he rolled out of bed and shuffled over to her, unfazed at his nakedness. Dom ran her eyes over his exposed skin, admiring his thin frame. She liked that he wasn't perfect, his pale skin still showing the subtle after affects of having gained and lost weight, the fading scar on his hip and the dusting of dark hair below his navel. Her cheeks flushed but she couldn't help admiring him.

"Stop staring at me, you're making me self conscious," he kicked up his discarded pair of boxers and pulled them on.

"Shut up, you're perfect."

He scoffed, shuffling to the sill with her and pulling the cigarette from her lips. She watched him take a long drag and blow the smoke up toward the ceiling. She reached to take it back but he poked it between his lips again with a wink.

"Completely clean and sober, Dom."

"Fuck you, I want my cig," she snatched at it but he leaned away, raising his hands as she batted at him. "It's your fault I wanted one anyway. I've been doing so well and then your stupid mouth tasted like nicotine. Tempting motherfucker," she grumbled, making him laugh.

He blew the smoke in her face, letting the cigarette burn low before handing it back to her. She smacked him, her handprint bright red on his arm, and finished off the cigarette, stabbing the butt into the cement sill and tossing it out the window. She sighed, propping her feet up on the wall to make room for Gerard to sit beside her. He complied, leaning his head back against the wall as Dom trailed her fingers over his thigh, raising goose bumps on the skin.

"I miss these nights," she sighed, keeping her eyes on her hand. "I like just hanging out. There's no chaos in that. No issues."

"I know, me too."

She lifted her eyes to meet his and the corner of her mouth lifted. "I hate that you're so fucking pretty."

"I'm not pretty, Dominica," he nudged her playfully with his knee.  
>"You're the pretty one in this relationship."<p>

She laughed aloud, "Hardly."

Gee glanced around for a moment before his eyes fell on her makeup mirror. Reaching for it he grabbed it and held it in front of her face. "Tell me what you see."

"Stop it," she swatted at it but he kept it trained on her.

"No, come on," he raised his eyebrows and pouted his bottom lip.

She groaned, "Not the puppy face. I hate the puppy face."

Fighting off his smile, Gerard watched her study her reflection, her eyebrows pulling together as she stared into the glass. She smoothed her long hair and sighed, her stormy eyes lifting to his.

"I see a broken, pathetic, recovering drug addict," she stated flatly, grabbing the mirror from him and turning it on him. "Your turn."

He pursed his lips but studied his reflection as well. If she'd have asked him that question when they first met he would have told her something similar to her answer, but things were different now. He was sober, he loved his band, and he had her keeping him whole. A smile crept across his face and he looked up at her. "I see someone finally happy with life and where it's going. And you're part of that."

Her cheeks flushed and she stared down at her hands resting in her lap. She picked at her fingernails and refused to look at him. Leaning forward, Gerard cupped her chin, tilting her head so she looked at him. He offered her a small smile before leaning in, pressing his lips to hers gently.

At first Dom didn't respond she just enjoyed the press of his mouth against hers. She let his warmth spread through their connected mouths before she wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him closer. He rested a hand on her back, his fingers tangling in the knotty strands of her hair. Deepening the kiss, Dom slid off the sill and across his lap, her breath quickening as they kissed. She pulled back, gasping for air and wiped her hand over her bottom lip.

"We should probably sleep," she whispered, sliding off his lap, her feet emitting a quiet slap when the bare skin touched the hardwood floor.

"You're probably right," Gerard nodded. He grinned, both of them glancing down to where his hand was wrapped in the strip of fabric keeping her robe tied closed. Dom narrowed her eyes at him, ready to scold him but he tugged it free anyway, his eyes lighting up when it fell open, revealing her bare body.

"Gee, we're going to sleep," she frowned.

"Not yet," he shook his head, tackling her onto the bed. Her giggles filled the room as he pushed the robe away from her body. She squealed when his lips latched onto her throat, his hands holding her firmly by the waist to keep her from wriggling free. Her hand slid down his back, her giggling and squirming slowly turning into low pleasure sounds as Gerard returned his lips to hers, kissing her long and deeply.

Dom's hand slipped beneath the waist of his boxers, her fingers squeezing his butt and pulling him against her. He let her push the loose fabric from his body, her legs wrapping around his waist as they tangled themselves together for another round of passion.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Mikey listened to the steady ringing from his cell phone and rolled his eyes. Of course, Gerard wasn't answering his phone. Again. He glanced at his watch and sighed. Fifteen minutes late. He hit the end button before the voice mail could pick up and dialed his older brother's number again. After three rings the line connected and Gerard's sleep-filled voice filled the receiver.

"Fuck, Mikey, call much?" he grumbled.

"Yeah, we're supposed to be practicing, dumbass. Where the hell are you?"

"Shit," Gerard hissed, the sound of crumpling and rustling making the connection crackle.

"Where are you?"

"Out."

"Whatever, just hurry the fuck up," Mikey mumbled, taking a sip from his freshly brewed cup of coffee. Gerard grumbled a miserable "Fuck you," before the line disconnected. Shrugging his brother's attitude off, Mikey tucked the phone in his pocket and made his way inside the small garage where the band liked to practice when they were home.

Frank and Ray were already lounging around the cluttered space strumming guitars, Ray's bushy hair bobbing around the thick headphones he wore. Frank glanced up when the door closed loudly behind him and nodded.

"Where's Gee?"

"No idea," he placed his coffee on one of the many stacks of magazines and shrugged off his jacket, draping it over the side of the couch. He made his way through the mass of crinkled Coke and beer cans on the floor and grabbed his bass, lifting the strap over his shoulder and running his thumb over the strings.

"Better get here soon," Frank noted, pushing his hair from his face.

"That's what I told him," the younger Way sighed before returning his attention to his instrument.

The room fell into quiet, the only sounds being the low plucking of the three guitars. Frank jotted a few things on the notebook spread on the couch cushion beside him and Ray kept his mouth shut, still bobbing his head to whatever blasted through his headphones. The sound of a car pulling up outside distracted the two men and they glanced at each other with raised eyebrows as the door slammed.

"This better be—" Frank started, but he stopped when the door swung open, letting in a cool burst of air.

Gerard stepped in, his hair a stringy mass in his face. He smirked at his band mates and shrugged his coat off, tossing it to join Mikey's on the couch as the door slammed closed behind him. He was dressed in a loose zip up hoodie and pajama pants, the baggy garments coupled with a pair of Converse. The older Way tucked his hands in the pockets of his pants and looked around at the expectant expressions on Frank and Mikey's faces.

"Hi."

"Glad you could join us," Frank remarked, his tone laced with sarcasm. "Usually you're always first up."

"Sorry." Gee's cheeks flushed. "Long night."

"Doing what?" Mikey asked quickly.

Gerard shrugged, "Walking mostly. Lost track of time and got to sleep late. Nothing huge."

Mikey frowned. He was lying. Before he could ask another question, Ray interrupted the awkward conversation, tossing a pen in Gerard's direction.

"Took you long enough," he got to his feet and tucked his headphones around his neck. "Can we practice now?"

"Yeah, sure," the lead singer nodded, sharing a glance with his younger brother before stepping into place behind the microphone. Ray leaned over the coffee table in front of Frank's couch and clicked around on the open laptop. He cursed under his breath and straightened, his hands resting on the guitar hanging loosely at his side.

"We really need to figure out this drummer thing," he frowned. "The drum tracks on here suck."

Scratching the back of his head, Mikey stepped forward and pulled out his cell phone, "We could always call Nat. She plays."

Franks eyes lit up and he nodded, "I totally forgot. I'm such an ass. I'll call her."

Tucking his phone back in his pocket, Mikey slunk back into the corner by the empty drum kit. He found his eyes travelling to his older brother who leaned on the microphone stand, his free hand buried in his hair. Even though he looked exhausted, Gee looked genuinely happy, the corners of his mouth turned up, clearly thinking about something that made him smile. Resting his head against the wall, Mikey watched as Gerard tapped his fingers on the back of his neck, a small bruise just peeking out from under the collar of his hoodie. Narrowing his eyes he tried to figure out what it was only to frown at the realization. Gerard had a hickey.

"Either you pinched yourself really hard, or someone's been sucking your neck, Gee" Frank noted as he hung up his phone. Clearly Mikey hadn't been the only one who'd noticed the red mark on Gerard's neck, and Frank stepped forward, pulling the fabric down and away from the offending mark.

Gerard's cheeks flushed and he shrugged. "A guy's allowed to have a little fun every once in a while. What's wrong with that?"

"Who's the lucky girl?" Ray piped up, a teasing grin on his face as Frank studied the reddish-purple mark.

A mischievous grin spread across Gee's face and he shrugged, "I never kiss and tell."

Mikey's eyes narrowed, he knew his older brother was lying again. He knew he was a relationship guy, never one for one night stands. Whoever Gerard had hooked up with had to be someone he'd been seeing for longer than a night. Titling his head to the side in wonder, Mikey chewed the inside of his cheek. Why was it such a secret? He watched the three men talk and laugh, still pulled into his mind when the door opened again and Natalie poked her head in, a giant grin on her face.

"Hi boys," she said, stepping into the room and making a beeline straight to Frank. She planted a kiss on his mouth and grabbed a set of drumsticks. "Hope you don't mind, Dom tagged along to watch."

"Dom?" Both Mikey and Gerard chorused, their heads turning when she stepped into the room with a timid smirk.

"Hey," she waved, stuffing her hands in her pockets. Their eyes met and her cheeks flushed. She offered a close-lipped smile, shrugging her jacket from her shoulders to reveal a black off the shoulder tunic top and skinny jeans. "Ignore me, I'm just here until I have to go to work."

"Have a seat we were just getting started." Frank winked at her from around Nat's frame. His hands rested on the blonde's slim hips and his chin rested on her shoulder. Nat twirled the drumsticks in her hands, a content smile on her face.

"Right, let's start then," Gerard's voice echoed in the mike and they moved to take their places.

Mikey pushed away from the wall, avoiding contact when Nat slipped past him to sit behind the drum kit. She tapped out a few beats to get adjusted before turning to him with a curious look.

"What are we practicing?" she whispered.

Mikey shrugged, "No fucking idea."

The two laughed and Gee called them to order before announcing the first song. Mikey nodded, quickly tuning his instrument before they launched into the song, Nat keeping up expertly as if she'd recorded with them from day one. He figured it was because she'd been a fan of theirs before she'd met Frank and learned her craft imitating their music. He kept his head down through each song, bobbing to the music and keeping careful not to let his attention drift to the woman perched on the couch a few feet away, her knees pulled to her chest and a crooked grin on her face as she sang along with Gee.

Mikey couldn't help but let his mind wander, his eyes shyly lifting to see what Dom was doing every once in a while. No matter how hard he fought against the urges, he always ended up watching her, her feet rocking to the beat and her eyes on Gerard as they sang together. She was smiling wide and she looked happy.

"Dom, sing," Gerard paused after nearly two hours of practicing. Mikey smirked, knowing she hated singing anywhere but the shower. She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Gerard pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and slid one between his lips, lighting it. "No smokes then."

"Fuck you, that's not fair," she pouted, swinging her legs over the couch and planting her feet on the floor. She stood and plopped her hands on her lips as Frank and Ray cheered her on.

"I thought you quit," Mikey quietly piped up when she grabbed the stick of nicotine from Gerard's mouth and took a drag.

"Hey, I'm allowed one vice, aren't I?" she shrugged, her eyes darting to the floor as she let the smoke out through her nose.

"Just asking," he muttered and bowed his head, letting the conversation drop. He watched her bite her lip out of the corner of his eye before she turned away from him and finished off the cigarette. Gerard plopped onto the couch as she took his place behind the microphone, flipping him off.

"Just one song and then I have to go to work," she sighed and turned to Nat. The two shared a silent nod and Nat kicked up the drums, playing Dom's favorite song. Mikey grinned as he strummed the bass, enjoying Dom's timid voice as she sang along. He watched her swing her hips to the rhythm and occasionally drift to Frank or Ray as they played. Mikey kept his spot by the drums as they finished the song and she tossed Gerard the mic.

"Don't go yet," Nat whined from behind the kit, her elbows propped on the snare.

"I have to, babe. I'm late on rent again," Dom pouted. Her eyes fell on Mikey and she smiled. She made her way over to him and he froze when she wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. Her voice was low and her breath warm against his ear. "Walk me to the car?"

"Uh, sure," he nodded, shrugging the bass off his shoulders and resting it against the kick drum. He kept his eyes down as Dom hugged everyone goodbye and drifted toward the door, holding it open for him as they stepped into the wintery air outside.

Unsure of how to conduct himself, Mikey shoved his hands in his pockets and watched her light a cigarette, the smoke swirling around her face as she took a drag.

"When are you leaving for the road again?" she asked, taking a few steps toward him.

"Next week."

She sighed, "I want to see you before you leave."

Mikey bit his lip and nodded, "Yeah."

He watched the corners of her mouth twitch. She always laughed at him when he was being awkward. She reached her hand out and ran it down his hoodie-covered arm. Her fingers gently squeezed his wrist before she let her hand fall away.

"You should come to work with me, keep me company. We have a lot to talk about," she looked hopeful but he shook his head.

"I can't, we're still practicing. I would but… I'm sorry." He swallowed hard, avoiding her eyes. He wasn't sure if he could handle hanging out with her one on one yet. It still hurt to even be near her. Every time their eyes met he pictured her running away from him, the tears in her eyes. He couldn't deal with that again. Not while the wound was still fresh.

"Mikey, I'm so sorry," she whispered, her hand covering her mouth after she spoke. Her eyes went wide and she sniffed. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you, Dom. I don't. I just don't know how to do this," he muttered, kicking a rock with the toe of his boot. He felt her move closer to him, her body heat warming his chill skin and her shadow mingling with his. She placed her hands on his shoulders and tried to catch his eyes but he kept his gaze trained on the sidewalk.

"Why won't you look at me?" she whispered.

He pursed his lips and sighed. He wanted to just look her in the eye but he didn't want to see what was there. He felt her hands move to each side of his throat, her fingertips moist and warm from being stuffed in her pockets. She used her thumbs to tilt his head up and he stared at her lips, still refusing to look her in the eyes.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can," she pushed him slightly. "You just don't want to because you're afraid."

"What's wrong with that?" he asked her chin and she sighed.

"Fine. I have to go," she pulled away from him, the warmth of her closeness replaced with cold air. He wrapped his arms around himself and watched her climb into Nat's car and start the engine. She honked twice before speeding away from the curb and disappearing around the corner.

"Fuck me," he grumbled under his breath before turning on his heel and making his way back inside to the heat and his band mates.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The sigh rushed from her lips before she could stop it. Her eyes fell on the lone man sitting at the bar, his hand around a glass of cheap brandy she'd poured for him over an hour ago. He looked miserable, purple circles under his eyes and a permanent pout on his lips. His blue gaze was cast in the amber liquid at the bottom of his glass and he looked on the verge of tears. Gathering herself, Dom took the two steps toward him and leaned her elbows on the bar. Her lone patron glanced up at her an offered a weak smile before turning his attention back to his glass.

"You've been nursing that for over an hour. What's eating you?" she asked quietly, tapping her nails on the wood surface.

"Nothing," he replied and turned away from her, resting his elbow against the bar to keep him on his stool.

"Right," Dom pushed herself off the bar and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I tried."

She turned away from him and made her way to the other end where a new male specimen had taken up a seat. She cleared her throat to get his attention and froze when he turned to her, a wide grin on his face.

"Evening, Dommie," Luke smirked, leaning closer when she took a step away.

Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she glanced around. The other man had finally finished his drink and stumbled away from the bar toward the exit. Feeling the perspiration on her palms, Dom wiped the sweat away on her jeans and stepped further back, putting as much distance between her and Luke as possible.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Came to see my best girl, why else would I be here?" he winked. "Why don't you come here and give me a proper greeting. You ran away before I could get one last time."

The arrogance bleeding off him made her stomach turn and she shook her head, "Fuck you, Luke. I told you I'm done with you."

The fear slowly crept up on her as she stared into his narrowed eyes. He slid off the bar stool, a hint of annoyance in his gaze but the booming bark of Darryl interrupted the moment. The big man took his place beside Dom, resting his arm behind her on the counter and stared at Luke with a frown.

"Is there a problem, Dominica?" he asked, tilting his head closer so she could hear him.

She swallowed hard and opened her mouth to reply but Luke was already a step ahead.

"No sir, just greeting an old friend."

Darryl glared at him as he disappeared into the club before turning to look back at Dominica. She bowed her head, avoiding his gaze but he didn't leave. Instead he patted her shoulder with a huge hand and sighed.

"If he bothers you again let me know, alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good, now back to work, Pocahontas, or I'm reducing your paycheck," he smirked and winked, making his way back into the club.

"Jerk," Dom flipped the finger at his back and returned to her bartenderly duties.

By the end of her shift, Dom could barely stand she was so exhausted. Shoving the back door of the club open she stumbled out into the cold evening and yanked her brand new pack of cigarettes from her jacket pocket. Leaning against the wall she poked one between her lips and cupped the lighter, breathing in the toxic nicotine with a sigh of pleasure. Dipping her hands into her pockets to warm them she took a few puffs from the cigarette before lifting her hand to her face to remove it form between her lips.

"God damn that's good," she sighed, pulling out her phone to check her texts. A smile drifted across her face. Gerard had texted her twice with frowny faces. He missed her. Opening a reply text she responded with a frowny face of her own, their secret code. She replied to text from Mikey, wanting to know how work was going and flipped the phone closed.

Resting her head back on the wall, Dom picked at her fingernails, letting the smoke from her cigarette waft around her head before taking another drag. She chewed the inside of her cheek and sighed when a hand slapped hard against the wall beside her head, making her yelp.

"Quiet, Dommie. You don't want anyone to hear you." Luke's alcohol ridden breath hit her hard in the face. She opened her mouth to yell but he slammed his free hand over her mouth and leaned into the yellow light from the lone light bulb over the club's door. He laughed when her eyes went wide before narrowing.

Luke pressed his body against hers roughly and a low chuckle emanated from his throat when she squirmed. "I miss you squirming beneath me, Dommie."

"Fuck you!" she growled beneath his hand although all he heard was muffled noises. His smile widened and the hand bracing them against the wall slid down to her waist. Dom cringed at his touch and tried again to wiggle away but his massive form kept her pinned.

"God, I forgot how fucking warm you are," he breathed, dipping his hand into her jeans. She gasped, trying to squeeze her thighs together but he forced her legs apart with his knee. His hand cupped her roughly and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She tried to imagine anything but Luke's hand on her crotch, his calloused fingers scraping against her. She tried screaming again but only managed to piss him off. His weight crashed fully against her, winding her, and he glared.

"Shut the fuck up, Dominica. You're mine. Got that? You'll always be mine," he hissed.

She nodded, giving up the struggle. He slid his hand off her mouth only to replace it with his chapped lips. She tried to keep her mouth shut but he forced his tongue between her lips, just as he forced two fingers inside her. Her gasp made him laugh and he kissed her harder. Then she tasted it. The pill on his tongue. Terrified, she tried to pull away but he forced her to swallow, pushing his hand over her mouth and tilting her head back.

"Take it, Dommie. You know you miss the feeling."

"No, fuck!" she wriggled, her entire body shaking as she felt the lone pill slide down her throat. Working her gag reflex she tried to make herself puke but Luke's hand prevented her from doing much damage. His smirk filled her vision and his hand slipped out of her pants. He slipped his fingers into his mouth and smiled.

"You taste so good, Dommie."

"Get the fuck off me!" she yelled into his hand.

"Don't forget to call when you need me," he winked and disappeared, leaving her a trembling mess in the alley, her cigarette smoldering on the cement beside her foot.

Sinking to the ground, Dominica grabbed her cell phone with shaking hands and dialed the first number she thought of. He picked up at the second ring and she closed her eyes, trying to fend off the quick acting affects of the pill.

"Dom?

"Gee, fuck, I need you to come get me."

"What? Why? Are you okay?"

The tears pricked the sides of her eyes and she fought off a sob. Wiping her hands over the corners of her eyes she sniffed. "No, I'm not okay. I'm at the club. Can you just come get me, please?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving now."

"Okay, I'm at the back exit."

The line clicked and Dom let herself go, her shoulders shaking violently as the fear and disappointment crept up on her. Wrapping her arms around her knees she lit another cigarette and tried to smoke. Instead of relaxation all she wanted to do was vomit. Stabbing out the half smoked cig she closed her eyes and waited for Gerard to pull up and rescue her.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Gerard frowned. He was never a huge fan of puking, even when he had spent days leaning over bushes doing it himself. He smoothed his hands over Dom's hair, keeping it out of her face as she leaned into the toilet bowl and dry heaved. Her body trembled and she let out an exhausted groan, resting her head against the seat.

"How is she?" Mikey popped his head around the bathroom door.

"Fucking peachy, Mike," she grumbled into the bowl before letting loose another wave of sick.

"Should I call Nat?" he asked and Gerard shook his head.

"No, I'll take her home," he smoothed his hand through her long hair again.

Nodding, Mikey watched as Dom wiped the back of her hand over her mouth and sat back. Gerard let her hair fall from his grip and she rested her head back against the bathroom wall. Her skin was sallow and her eyes rimmed with red. She looked miserable.

"That fucking prick," she sniffed, trying to catch her breath. "God I can still feel it, Gee."

Her bottom lip trembled and she hugged her knees to her chest. Sliding off the edge of the tub, he joined her on the floor but she pushed him away.

"No."

"Dom—"

"Please, just take me to my studio," she muttered, pulling herself to her feet.

"Okay. Yeah."

He followed her into the dark living room of his parents' house. Mikey jumped up from the couch, ready to follow them out the door when Dom stopped. She stared at them for a few seconds before rushing to Mikey, hugging him hard. Gee had to keep himself from laughing at the surprised but euphoric look on his younger brother's face as Dom clung to him. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her, returning the embrace.

"It's okay, Dom," he whispered into her hair. "You're not going to fall back into that life. I know you."

"God I hope you're right," she sniffed and pulled away. "Shit, sorry." She wiped at the wet spot on his shirt with a sheepish smile.

"Eh, it's fine, it needs to be washed anyway," he chuckled, rubbing a thumb over the spot. "Go get some sleep and I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Dom nodded and smiled, "Thanks guys."

"You know we're here for you," Mikey kissed her cheek and she made her way outside to get in the car. As the front door closed behind her Gerard turned to his brother. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly and sighed.

"She might want me to spend the night."

Mikey frowned. "Why?"

"I don't think she wants to be alone, that's all," Gee shrugged.

"Yeah, true."

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea," Gerard mumbled and Mikey nodded. He wanted to hang his head in shame. How could he be pretending to look out for Mikey's well being when he was already screwing the girl he loved? Some brother he was.

"I understand, go get her home before she gets sick again. She needs to sleep off the affects of that pill."

Gee gave a slight nod and followed Dominica outside. He smiled at the sight of her forehead leaning against the window of Nat's car, her hair ruffled and her eyes half closed. She offered him a weak smile when their eyes met and he jogged to the driver's side and climbed in.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to back to your apartment?"

"No, studio," she muttered, clutching her arms around her middle. "I don't want to deal with Nat's questions tonight."

Nodding, Gerard kept his mouth shut and started the car, easing away from the curb. He glanced back to see Mikey standing in the window, a concerned frown across his face. Swallowing hard, Gee looked away from his brother's retreating form and turned his attention to the groaning female beside him. He slid his hand over her back, massaging between her shoulder blades.

"Don't freak out, Dom. Just relax," he soothed but she flipped him off and bent forward, pressing her forehead to her knees.

"I just don't want to be numb, Gee," she muttered into her pant leg. "I don't want the feeling to go away."

"I know," was all he could come up with so he returned to rubbing her back and trying to focus on the road. Easing the gas, he slid through New York traffic until finally they pulled up in front of her studio.

The second the car was parked, Dom slid from the car and rushed inside. Sighing, Gee rested his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. He knew she wanted space, but he also knew she didn't want to be alone. When he'd picked her up from the club she simply stared silently out the window only revealing that she'd been forced to take a pill and she was scared shitless. Granted he was scared shitless just the same, he needed to know what was up.

Climbing from the car, Gerard combed a hand through his hair before gathering his courage and following Dominica inside. Ringing the doorbell a few times, he waited for her to unlock the front but the reply buzz never came. Since her landlord rarely ever stayed in the studio on the first floor, Gee grumbled a low curse and made for the stairs, climbing the three flights to Dom's floor. Her door was ajar when he finally made it into the hallway and his eyebrows pulled together in concern.

"Dom?" He poked his head around the heavy steel and eyed the empty apartment. Taking a few steps into the space he glanced around, closing the door behind him. He knew she was in there. "Dominica?"

Taking a moment to listen to the quiet he picked up on the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. Making his way to the noise he shrugged his jacket off, tossing it on the bed before trying the closed bathroom door. Finding it locked, Gee let out a quiet curse before brushing his knuckles against the wood.

"Dom?"

"Go away."

"What are you doing?" he called.

"Gee, just go away."

He frowned. Her voice sounded hoarse under the rushing from the shower. She was crying. Unable to give up, Gerard leaned against the wall, letting his weight pull him to the floor. He rested his arms on his knees and leaned his head back on the brick wall.

"Dom, talk to me."

"Stop."

"No."

"Fuck off!" her voice rose and he saw her shadow under the bathroom door. Bracing himself, he watched the darkened spot eagerly, willing her to open the door. He knew she was too stubborn to do what he wanted, especially when she was upset. Instead of pushing the issue he kept quiet, knowing his silence would drive her insane.

He tried to remember their first fight, the first time he really felt her anger and a grin drifted across his face. She'd been doped up and feeling destructive so she'd picked an argument with him about Mikey. They'd snapped at each other for nearly an hour before she finally came out and socked him in the gut, wanting a reaction. He'd been so shocked he kissed her to see what she'd do. His eyes glazed over remembering how rough she was high. Now she was just fragile. Close to breaking.

Shaking his head, he braced his head in his hands and sighed. What the fuck was she doing in there? He knocked a little harder only for the bathroom door to creak open slightly, the shower sounds still mingling with her incessant sniffing. Jumping to his feet, Gerard eased the door open, peering around it cautiously. The sight made his heart skip a few beats.

"Dom, hey, what are you doing?" he whispered.

She sat in the middle of the tub, her long hair soaked to her face and down her naked back. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her legs and she rocked back and forth, the tears mixing with the scalding water streaming from the shower.

Trying to avoid tripping over her mound of clothes in the middle of the floor, Gee knelt down beside her, the heat from the shower bringing a thin layer of sweat to his forehead.

"Dom." He kept his tone soft, afraid to reach out and touch her flushed skin.

"Don't touch me, please," she finally whispered and turned to look at him. Her eyes swirled with emotion, the color a dark gray he'd only seen during her recovery. She was hurting.

"I won't I promise," he smiled. "But I need you to tell me what happened."

She shook her head and her lip trembled. "I can't."

"You know you can."

"No," she sobbed. "Gee, I can't. He'll hurt me."

"Who?"

"Luke," she whispered before dissolving into a fit of sobs, her shoulders seizing with the force of her tears.

Biting back a curse, Gee leaned closer to the tub, his arm slicked with hot water. He struggled with the temptation to pull her into his arms and hold her until she felt better. The feeling was so powerful it scared him. He needed her to be happy and warm.

"Gee," she broke the silence.

"Mmm?"

"He touched me," she whispered, clutching her arms closer to herself. "He violated me while he forced me to take that pill. He fucking touched me," her voice broke and she sniffed. "Fucking prick."

The anger exploded in Gerard's chest. For a split second he swore he saw red before the room went back to normal. He had to keep his cool for her but he wanted to find Luke and inflict serious damage. In his struggle to contain his sudden rush of rage, a growl rumbled in his throat and she looked at him, dripping eyebrows raised.

"If I wasn't so fucking traumatized, I'd be so turned on right now." A shadow of a smile drifted across her face and the tension snapped. They both chuckled quietly and Gee stood up, turning the shower off and holding his hand out to her.

"Come on, dry off and get some pajamas on."

She eyed his hand before taking it, letting him pull her out of the tub. She wrapped a towel around her shivering body and smiled when he stepped from the room to give her some privacy. When she finished pulling on a hoodie and sweatpants she joined him on the bed, curling up beside him on top of the covers.

Resting his head back on the mass of pillows, Gee smiled. She was so warm. Dom wrapped her arms around his middle, her head resting against his abdomen. He pulled her hood away, running his fingers through her soaked hair. Even wet it was silky and smooth, the waves long and luxurious between his fingers. He felt her hands squeeze him gently, her silent gesture begging him not to leave. In response he toed his sneakers off and got comfortable, pulling the throw she kept at the foot of the bed over them.

"Gee?" she adjusted her position so she could look up at him.

"Hmm?"

Instead of speaking she sat up so her face came level with his and rested her head on his shoulder. He watched her eyes, getting lost in the confused swirls of gray and silver. She licked her lips and leaned close, pressing them against the side of his neck. He shivered, loving the shot of heat from her touch.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, sugar," he smiled and she snorted, burying her face in his chest and closing her eyes, enjoying the closeness after a hellish night.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dom rolled her eyes and groaned. No matter how much she wanted to get up off the couch and leave, she just didn't feel like it. Rolling her head on the arm, she watched from her sprawled out position as Nat paced around the kitchen, her voice raised as she yelled into her cell phone. For the first time in two months she and Frank were arguing. Not about money, or touring or even spending too much time together. No. They were arguing about perfection, their perfection, to be exact. A smile tugged at the corners of Dom's mouth and she had to choke back her laughter. Only Nat and Frank would have a heated argument about absolutely nothing. Arguing for the sake of arguing.

"Frank, I fucking hate you right now, okay? Just shut the fuck up!" Nat's aggravated tone drowned out the low volume on the television and Dom raised her eyebrows when the blonde slammed her hand on the kitchen table. She heard Frank's raised voice on the other line and sighed, only to jump when Nat stomped over to her and dropped the phone on her stomach, Frank's yelling still loud and clear from the phone.

"You talk to him, cuz I don't need his stupid bullshit," Nat grumbled, eying her expectantly. "Go on, talk to him."

Giving Nat a what-the-fuck look, Dom raised the phone to her ear and sighed, trying not to laugh.

"I mean, Christ, Nat, I don't even remember why we're fighting. Why do we have to get into it right now? Especially now. Fuck. With all that shit going on with Dom and Luke and—"

"Don't bring me into your stupid tiff, Frankie," Dom cut him off and the line went silent. She covered her mouth to suppress a giggle when he cursed and cleared his throat. "Sorry, Dom."

"Don't 'Sorry, Dom' me, mister. You're in big trouble," she said, the mocking tone not lost on Frank.

"Not you too," he laughed.

"Seriously though. Only you two would fight over being too perfect. Shut the fuck up, Frank," Dom shook her head. "Like really? You're perfect because you're made for each other so quit your bitchin'."

"I didn't start it!"

"I know. I'm yelling at both of you, you just can't see it," Dom snorted, glancing up to see the deer-in-the-headlights look on Nat's face. The blonde flipped her off and stomped back to her bedroom, slamming the door. Ignoring her roommate's outburst, Dom pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt away from her free hand and stuck her finger in her mouth, chewing the nail.  
>The sound of passing cars filled the silence and Frank sighed, "I'm sorry we annoy you with our petty fights. Sometimes, I don't even know how they start."<p>

"It's okay, you're too adorable to be pissed at. I don't get how she can stay angry with you," Dom smiled. "But thanks for making my day better. I needed a laugh."

His chuckle filled the phone, "No problem, Pumpkin."

"Don't fucking call me that, Frank."

"Why? You know you love it," he teased and Dom groaned.

"No, I don't. Dick."

His laughter filled her ear and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm hanging up," she threatened.

"Oh, come on, Pumpkin, have some fun."

"Fuck you, Frank. I said don't call me that."

He laughed again and Dom grinned, hitting the end button. She reveled in the moment for a split second before Nat's phone rang again. She glanced at the ID, knowing it was Frank and grinned as she answered.

"—Bitch don't hang up on me!" Frank yelled and Dom giggled, hanging up on him again.

Tossing the phone on the coffee table, Dom sighed, falling back into herself. It'd been three days since her encounter with Luke and she spent most of them on the couch avoiding everyone but Natalie and occasionally Frank. Her studio had remained empty since her night with Gerard and she'd avoided his and Mikey's phone calls since then. Closing her eyes she plugged her headphones in her ears and hit shuffle, trying to fend off the nagging feeling that still haunted her. She still felt him, the shadow of his hands pressing roughly on her skin. She always felt dirty.

"We hold in our hearts, the sword and the faith," Gee's voice filled her ears and she smiled. Her favorite song the band never released. Ignoring the horrible quality of the track she hummed along, trying desperately to ignore the disgusting feeling eating at her. She let her mind wrap around the lyrics and her muscles relax and she breathed slowly, gradually falling into a trance as she hummed. Just as she started really zoning out, the headphones were ripped from her ears and Nat leaned over her with a determined face.

"Fuck this, Dom. We're going out."

"What the fuck, man!" Dom snapped swinging out at her roommate but Nat stepped out of reach with a grin.

"I'm sick of you moping around. All you do is lay around and frown and be mopey and then you work and mope some more. Fuck that. We're going out."

Groaning, Dom pushed herself to her feet and shrugged, "I guess I have no choice in the matter, right?"

"Exactly," Nat winked. "Now go get ready."

"I really fucking hate you sometimes," Dom grumbled, shuffling to her room and closing the door.

An hour later the girls stood in the frigid air outside one of Nat's favorite, little known clubs. The music pumping behind the door wasn't the typical rap and pop but a mix of rock and alternative. Dom sighed as Nat shoved her way to the front of the line, her thin frame clad in black leggings that looked like a second skin and a low cut white tank top. Her heels were high and made her legs go on forever and her hair was loose around her face. Dom groaned behind her, her hand clutched in her roommate's. Her attire much more conservative, a pair of skinny jeans paired with her usual Converse and a black tank top that she covered up with a loose gray sweater. Her hair hung loose down her back, the front pinned out of her face.

"Hey, Tony," Nat grinned at the bouncer regulating who got in and he nodded at her with a wink.

"Go on in sweetie. She with you?" He eyed Dom and she stepped closer to Nat, feeling his dark eyes raking over her frame.

"Yes, she's with me," Nat beamed and he nodded, stepping aside to let the two women into the dim club.

The music pounded through every inch of the club, Nat bobbed her head, pulling Dom toward the slowly filling bar. Dom glanced around, searching for a hiding place to stay until Nat got her fill of the club and decided to leave. Squinting into the smoky room her eyes widened at the familiar mass of auburn curls that could only belong to one man. Pushing away from the bar, Dom made her way across the room, following the man until he stopped at a corner booth and sat down.

"No shit," she whispered, stopping and watching the four men sip from various plastic cups. She jogged the last few steps to the table and grinned. "Ray, what the fuck are you guys doing here?'

Ray, Gerard, Mikey and Frank looked up at the sound of her voice and grinned. Frank jumped up from his seat at the end of the booth and hugged her while the other three stared open mouthed as Nat made her way over holding a Shirley Temple and a beer.

"Here's your stupid sober drink," she shoved the grenadine and Sprite into Dom's hand.

"I've been craving one of these for so long," Dom grinned and took a long sip, moaning with satisfaction. "So fuckin' good."

"Anyone want to explain to me why we're in the same club as you guys?" Nat interrupted her moment. Glaring over the rim of her cup and frowning, Dom shrugged and slid into Frank's vacated seat beside Mikey. She flashed a brief smile before returning to her soda.

"We just wanted a change of scene," Frank explained and Dom rolled her eyes when Nat huffed, her attitude quickly showing.

"Well, so did we so we're leaving. It's a girl's night," Nat snapped, grabbing at Dom's arm. "Come on, we're going to another club."

"Fuck that," Dom yanked her arm away and scooted closer to Mikey. "I'm not bar hopping because you're being stupid. Now go make up and be perfect again." She leaned forward, pushing Frank toward his girlfriend. Nat flashed Dom her best puppy eyes but she wasn't having it. She turned away from them, instead tapping Ray and smiling when he glanced at her over his beer.

"We need to discuss guitar lessons," she mouthed and he beamed.

"Anytime, just let me know."

"Awesome."

"Dom, how are you feeling?" Mikey leaned close to her and her smile fell.

"Well, I was trying not to think about it but now that you brought it up, I'm feeling pretty ticked off," she turned to the younger Way with a scowl.

"Sorry," Mikey turned back to his beer and Dom paused. She hadn't meant to snap at him, but she'd been avoiding him and Gerard because she knew they'd get protective. They always did. Sighing, Dom draped her arm around Mikey's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't mean to snap. I just don't want to think about his hands on me," her voice faltered and she took a sip of her Shirley Temple. Her eyes caught Gerard's as she took another sip and he smiled at her, taking a drink from his diet soda. Her heart fluttered in her chest and she took a deep breath, pushing her glass away from her and standing up.

"Okay, who wants to dance?" When no one jumped at the offer, Dom rolled her eyes and grabbed Ray's arm. "Come on, Toro, let's go."

He gaped at her as she yanked him from the booth and let her pull him away, beer in hand. She led him onto the floor and raised her hands over her head, a serene smile on her face as she found the rhythm of the music. She peeked an eye open to see if he was moving, laughing aloud at his stiff stance.

"Ray, seriously?" She giggled. "Here, watch me."

"Do I have to?" he groaned as she swung her hair to the rock music.

"It's really not that hard, sweetie," she laughed, taking his hands in hers and swinging them. "For a musician, you really don't appreciate the music."

"I strongly disagree," he leaned close to her, his towering frame casting a shadow over her. He pulled her close, resting his hands on her hips and swayed to the music. Blushing, Dom went along with his movements. He wasn't the best dancer but given the music and the situation, she enjoyed it anyway. She stiffened when a hand ran down her back and Ray stopped dancing, his features darkening when he glared at someone over her shoulder.

"Dom, go back to the table."

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"Just—" He began but Dom froze when the hand returned, this time wrapping around her waist and tugging her away from Ray.

"Fuck," Ray grumbled as Dom glanced up into the sneering face of the man she had spent three days trying to forget.

"Get off me, Luke!" she slipped form his grip and stood beside Ray, who pushed her protectively behind him.

"Nice to see you again, Toro," Luke drawled, standing up to his full height, a few inches taller than Ray. He puffed his chest out and flexed his muscles, trying to intimidate the guitarist, but Ray didn't back down.

"Touch her again and you'll lose a finger, Baxter. I swear to God," Ray growled. Dom grabbed onto Ray's arm, seeing his hands ball into fists when Luke only laughed aloud and stepped closer.

"Right," he chuckled. "I'm trembling in my boots, Toro."

"Ray, let's go," Dom tugged at his arm as the two men glared at each other. "Please."

When she thought Ray was easing up, Luke grunted, spitting at Ray's feet. As Dom's fingers slipped away from Ray's arm he lunged forward, landing right hook on Luke's face. Dom froze, watching the scene as if in slow motion. The blood erupting from Luke's nose and the red mark blooming on his cheek, Luke lunged forward and Ray lowered into a fight stance but Dom fisted her hands in his shirt, yanking him away. She jumped in front of him, shoving him back toward the booth only to feel Luke's mass ram into her gut, winding her.

"Dom!" Was all she heard as she crumpled to the ground, gasping for air. Ray's face floated on the edge of her vision before her world went black.

* * *

><p>So a nice reviewer pointed out that this chapter was fucked up (I pasted it twice woops)... well, it's fixed now. Sorry bout that :


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Dom's eyes swam with tears. Wiping at them with shaking hands, she sniffed and dropped her purse on the dirty counter. She popped it open and shuffled around, her heart pounding as she searched for the amber bottle. Its loud rattle comforted her and she yanked it free of her cell phone charger. Hastily, she popped the top and shook out a handful of pills, shoving them in her mouth and turning on the faucet. Sticking her hands under the running water she desperately scooped it into her mouth, feeling the pills scrape against her insides as she swallowed them. Closing her eyes she leaned against the wall and smiled. The numbness was already kicking in. Her fingers began to tingle and she breathed slowly through her nose loving the sensation as it traveled slowly up her arms. Ignoring the bathroom door opening, she sank to the floor, her mind finally disconnecting and her head lolled back. Finally, peace._

_A shadow cut off the fluorescent light of the room and she opened her eyes, frowning at the sight of the sneering man looming over her. "I can take you even higher if you want, Dommie," Luke's voice sounded deeper in her stupor. "I can make you completely numb."_

_"How?" she heard herself ask, eager to quiet her mind completely._

_Luke rummaged in his pockets and smiled, pulling out a syringe. "Take this."_

_She eyed the needle warily, "I don't like needles."_

_"Oh you'll like this one," he smiled and knelt beside her, pushing the sleeve of her shirt up past her elbow._

_"Luke, don't," she said, her voice weak. He ignored her, wrapping a rubber tube around her arm and tapping the skin at the bend of her elbow._

_"Relax, baby, enjoy the ride," he grinned._

_Dom tried to push his hand away but he already had the needle in her arm, pushing the liquid into her veins. The affect was instant and she knew something was wrong, too much toxin in her system. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and Luke snapped his fingers in front of her face._

_"Dommie? Baby?"_

_A groan rolled from her lips and her eyes closed. Luke glanced around nervously and lifted her into his arms. Her eyes opened partially and she rested her head on his shoulder._

_"What else have you taken?" he asked, patting her cheek with a sweaty hand. "Dommie?"_

_"Pills," came her weak answer and Luke cursed._

_"Just can't get enough of them, can you?"_

_"Fuck off, Luke," she managed, her mind fuzzy at the edges._

_Her thoughts drifted to Mikey. She saw the emotion in his brown eyes his voice in her head. She felt the urge to pump herself with more pills until she couldn't feel him anymore. She didn't deserve his care, his pure, almost innocent love. The tears brimmed her eyes and she let her head fall back as Luke carried her from the bathroom into the dark club. Her eyes didn't adjust quickly enough to the sudden darkness so she squeezed them shut._

_"Dave, come here. Take her to my place. She's good for tonight."_

_"You sure?" Dave's deep voice washed through Dom's senses. "She doesn't look good."_

_Dom tried to focus on the conversation but her eyes didn't seem to want to open. She coughed, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Her arms wouldn't move and her mind was fading. Struggling with herself she tried to wake up only to fall into unconscious. _

Dom shot up out of her sleep with a shriek. The pain rushed through her middle the second the adrenaline from the memory wore off. Groaning loudly, she bent over the side of her bed and dry heaved. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she felt winded, trying desperately to catch her breath. Cool fingers slid across her abdomen and she fell back onto the mattress. She turned to find Gerard lying beside her, his eyes still closed. He rubbed a circle on her stomach and she flinched, sucking in a sharp breath.

"Sorry, I forgot," he grumbled, opening one eye. "You've been out for hours."

She looked around the dark room, realizing they were in her studio, the familiar paintings covering her walls offering a bit of comfort. Her hand slowly moved to cover Gee's and she smiled.

"Thanks for bringing me back here. What happened after I passed out?"

A frown creased his face and he cleared his throat, opening both eyes. "Ray and Luke kept at it but he must've had more guys in the club cuz they got wrenched apart. Nat and I grabbed you before anything else happened and got you into her truck. Ray, Frank and Mikey followed us. I brought you here since it was closer than your apartment."

"Oh," her brow furrowed. "I bet Mikey was mad he didn't know about his place."

"He was a little miffed," Gee admitted with a soft chuckle. "Expect a call from him tomorrow complaining about favoritism."

She laughed, curling up gingerly beside him. "I'll try and explain that I love you both in your own ways."

"You just love me for my body," Gee pretended to be offended. "I'm not your love slave, Dom!"

She giggled and pushed him gently. "Stop it."

"Now I'm offended."

"Gee, stop."

He kissed the tip of her nose and wrapped his arm around her. "Sorry. But seriously, have you tried to talk to Mikey lately?"

She frowned and groaned, "So we have to get into this now?"

"So you haven't."

Dom remained silent for a moment. She hadn't spoken to Mikey since their tiff during practice. She swallowed hard and pushed her hair from her face, frowning at the slight pain in the back of her head. She must've hit it when she fell. Her arms erupted with chill bumps and she tried to ignore the guilt gnawing at her insides. She hated feeling guilty. She hated hurting the two men she loved the most.

"I tried, Gee. I keep trying but every time I open my mouth he just—God I can't even explain it," she sighed. "I can't hurt him like that."

Gerard sat up and leaned over her, "By laying here with me, you already are."

"So are you," she reminded him. "It's not all my fault."

His face fell and he sank back onto the mattress, his features grim. Dom turned her head to look at him, her eyes tracing over his profile. He was so beautiful. She reached her hand out, tracing the line of his forehead, over his nose and lips. Not even Mikey was as picturesque. She wanted to draw him over and over again.

"What is it about you, Gee?" she whispered, her fingers moving gently over his chin and down his neck. "What is it about you that I'm so addicted to?"

He smiled and turned to her, wrapping his arm around her middle and pulling her body against his. Her fingers returned to his face, smoothing his eyebrows before drifting down his nose. She pulled her hand away to rest it on his shoulder and stared into his eyes.

"I don't know. You tell me."

Dom bit her lip and shrugged a shoulder, making him laugh. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her face. He leaned toward her but she stopped him and shook her head.

"If you kiss me, we're going to start something I can't finish," she gingerly patted her middle. "My whole body is in pain right now."

"Okay," he pulled back but kept his arms tightly around her and the room fell into silence. Dom closed her eyes, enjoying the comfortable quiet. She let her thoughts wander, remembering her dream. She thanked the higher ups for waking her up, that night with Luke had been the worst of her life. She never wanted to go down that road again. A shiver wracked her body at the memory of his hands on her.

"You okay?" he muttered.

"Fine, just trying to forget that fucking memory."

"Which one?"

"The one I woke up from," she replied flatly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You never want to talk about anything."

"Don't start," Dom shot him a warning glare but he obviously had other plans. Sitting up on his elbow he stared down at her, his expression hard.

"Why not? Why don't you just own up to your actions and take responsibility? Dom, face you fears. Please."

She opened her mouth to respond but he kept going.

"Have you even spent more than five seconds alone with Mikey since we got here?"

She closed her mouth at once. She hadn't. She never gave him the chance. God, she was so stupid. After all these years she'd never even given him the chance to get close to her. Not even after he poured his soul out to her. All she did was run away. Tears welled in her eyes and she sat up, ignoring the roaring pain in her middle. She sniffed, trying to wipe the wetness away but her guilt caught up to her. She had to talk to him. She had to give him a chance, even if it ended in him walking away. She had to tell him everything.

"God, I'm such a coward," she sobbed into her knees. "Fuck."

Gerard sat up beside her, his hand rubbing comforting circles on her back. She tried to shrug him off but he wouldn't let her, coaxing the bottled up emotions to the surface.

"I'm not going anywhere Dom, so stop trying to get rid of me," he whispered, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "We've been through too much."

"What if he still loves me?" she sniffed. "God, I'm such a jerk. Gee, what if I love him too?"

She felt the older Way stiffen beside her and her heart froze. She'd never told anyone what Mikey had told her. She just thought the guys knew. Most of all Gerard. The tears streamed harder down her cheeks and she moved to get out of bed but he stopped her.

"I know how he feels, Dom. It's so obvious every time he looks at you. But I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again," he said, looking her square in the eyes. "Don't do that to us again. It nearly killed us once. Don't do it again."

"I can't promise you anything." She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand. "I'll call him in the morning. I have to try again."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Mikey swirled the red mixer stick in his cup of coffee. He watched the muddy liquid spin in the paper cup before pushing the stick aside and lifting the steaming drink to his lips to take a sip. His light brown eyes scanned the small café as his long fingers began playing with the mixing stick again. He leaned forward over the booth being sure to keep his face turned away from the window. The bell over the door jingled and his head shot up. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her.

"Dom, over here," he piped up and her cloudy gray eyes met his. She offered a small smile, the corner of her mouth lifting slightly. She brushed her hair behind her ear and made her way over to him, her hands tucked in the pockets of her winter jacket.

"Hi," she breathed, sliding into the booth across from him.

"Morning," he muttered, taking another swig of coffee. "How are you feeling?"

Her hands smoothed over her abdomen and she shrugged, "Still achy but sleeping and ice really helped."

He nodded with a small smile and waved a waitress over to take her order. All Dom asked for was a glass of orange juice. He took another sip of coffee and watched her. She looked battered and beautiful. He could see the fear and pain in her eyes. She was struggling with something. Something big.

"Mikey, I—" she began but stopped and chewed the inside of her cheek.

The nerves bounced around in the pit of his stomach. The second she called him and asked to meet up he knew something was wrong. He heard the worry in her voice and the nervousness in her eyes confirmed it. Something bad was about to happen.

"What's wrong?" He leaned forward when she splayed her fingers on the table. The black nail polish was chipped and her caramel skin looked chalky from lack of moisturizer. Mikey brushed his fingers over hers before pulling her hands into his and holding them loosely. "Dom?"

"I—" she tried again but failed. The emotion in her eyes wrenched at him. Tears glimmered in the corners, smudging her eyeliner. She bowed her head, her hair falling forward over her shoulders. "I can't."

"You can't what?"

She shook her head and blinked, a few tears leaking from her eyes. She pulled her hand away from his and wiped them away. She shook her head again, her lips quivering as she fought off tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, scooting out of the booth and standing. Her fingers tangled in her hair to keep it from her face and she took a step away from him. "Mikey, I'm so sorry."

Turning on her heel she jogged out into the morning leaving a gust of chill air in her wake.

Mikey stared at the door, at her retreating form, as she disappeared into the New York City streets. His brow furrowed and he took one last swig of coffee before tossing a ten on the table and standing. Pulling his hood up over his slicked back hair he slid his sunglasses on and made his way out into the chill air. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open, typing out a text message.

'So, what the hell just happened?'

* * *

><p>Dominica frowned at the little backlit screen. She'd been staring at the text since she got it right after she'd run out on Mikey. She rubbed her hand over the corner of her eye and watched the screen go black before clicking the unlock button to turn it on again. She had no idea why she ran away, she just couldn't stand the look on his face like he expected her really bad news. He looked like a lost puppy, his brown eyes and natural pout instantly melted her heart and she hadn't been able to stop the emotion from spilling over. She just didn't want to hurt him like that. Not when he was just finding his confidence, rediscovering his passion for the band. Her phone buzzed again and she glanced down. He was calling her.<p>

She smoothed her thumb over the screen and waited, warring with herself as her finger hovered over the answer button. The vibration made her hands tremble even worse but she couldn't bring herself to stop it and ignore or answer the call. Instead, the phone stopped on it's own. The screen telling her she had one missed call. She expected a voicemail but it began vibrating again, his name and picture lighting up her screen again.

"Fuck," she whispered as the subway came to a stop and she stood, still staring at the little device. Swallowing hard she knew he was going to keep calling her until she answered so she pressed the connect button, slowly lifting the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Dom, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she whispered, sliding through the turnstile and making her way toward the stairs leading out of the subway.

"Liar," he accused, his voice annoyed and frustrated. "What's wrong? Why did you just run off like that?"

Her voice caught in her throat and she felt her eyes brim with tears again. She was being a coward. She knew had to tell him but she just didn't know how. "I—Mikey, I have bad news."

"I figured that much," he sighed, his tone easing into the low gentle monotone she was used to.

"I'm sick," she sighed. "I'm really sick, Mikey."

"You look fine to me," he chuckled, clearing his throat when she didn't respond. "Sorry."

"That's not what I mean." She chewed the inside of her lip, trying to find the words. She just wanted to come out with it. The sneaking around, the thrill of having an affair with his brother, her addiction to more than just drugs, she wanted to tell him everything. Instead she just sighed and sniffed. "There's so much I have to say and I just can't—" her voice cut off again, choked with emotion. "Just know that I'm sorry and I never wanted to hurt you."

"Hurt me? Hurt me how?" he sounded worried now. Dominica stopped and sat down on the stoop of her apartment. She paused to catch her breath and bowed her head, blowing her breath into her exposed hand for warmth.

"Dom?"

"I'm still here," she muttered.

"Where are you? I'll come meet you, we obviously have to talk."

"No, go back home. I'll see you before you leave again, okay? Don't worry about it."

"No, Dom, come on, I'm already here. Where'd you run off to?" he sounded desperate, worried, concerned. Her heart hurt just listening to him.

"I have to go, Mikey. I'll talk to you later," she could hear him yelling at her but she ended the call anyway. The pain consumed her, sinking her into a mess of tears. She hugged her knees to herself and cried, the tears soaking her jeans and hands. She struggled to her feet, pulling out her keys. Fingers shaking she unlocked the front door, running up to her apartment to escape the cold._  
><em>


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Gee, have you heard from Dominica?" Mikey stormed into their house startling Gerard from his drawing. He spun away from his light table where a sketch of one of his comics' characters was half drawn. His hair was a mess, the newly dyed strands sticking up in every direction.

"Yeah, why?" he scratched the pencil against his scalp before pushing it behind his ear.

The younger Way slumped onto the couch, shrugging his jacket from his shoulders and tossing it over the arm. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair.

"She said something about being sick. I don't know what's up with her. She called all messed up and then when I went to meet her she ran off. Do you know what's going on?"

Gerard's blood ran cold. She'd almost told Mikey about them. Their relationship, her addiction; he swallowed, composing himself silently. He knew he had to choose his words carefully, for some reason; he suddenly didn't want Mikey to know.

"Mike, she's got issues and she doesn't know if she can handle telling you yet," he said slowly, testing the waters.

His head shot up, a confused look on his face, "What?"

The rush of concern and worry flowing from his kid brother hit Gerard hard. He bowed his head, shaking his hair in his face and letting out a grunt of frustration.

"It's not really my place to say."

"But you know?" Mikey demanded, his form rigid as he sat on the couch twisting the tassels of one of their mother's pillows between his fingers.

Gerard nodded, his lips forming a thin line when Mikey frowned. The disappointment lingered in the room, hovering between the brothers like thick fog. Mikey pulled out his cell phone and stared at the screen wanting nothing more than to call Dom and ask her for an explanation. But forcing her wouldn't make anything better. In fact, he knew it would make the whole thing worse. Golden brown eyes turned to meet hazel and Mikey stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

"Just let it go for now, man, she'll tell you in her own time," Gee patted his brother on the shoulder. "She wants to tell you, she just needs time."

"Yeah but how much?"

Gee shrugged, hunching back over his light table and pulling his pencil from behind his ear. Mikey sank back into the couch, crossing his arms over his chest with a frown. Something was going on between his older brother and his best friend. Dom had never been distant with him before. Not until he'd gone on tour for their latest album. It was as if she'd become a different person.

The frown creased his face and he sank further into the couch. He needed to find out before they left. Pulling his phone out again, he made his way to his bedroom and closed the door, falling onto his bed. He dialed Dom's number and waited, knowing she wouldn't answer. To his surprise, she picked up on the third ring.

"Mikey, please don't do this," her voice sounded resigned.

"I need to know what's going on, Dom. Please."

He could hear her struggling with the words and his stomach clenched. It must be really bad. He chewed the inside of his cheek and waited, trying his hardest to be patient.

"God, I'm such a coward, Mikey," she sobbed. "I never should have run away after you poured your heart out to me but I was so scared. I didn't know what to do."

He frowned. "Dom, I didn't want that to get between us. I just needed you to know. I'm perfectly happy just being friends with you. Just having you in my life is good enough. But when you just disappeared. God, I almost died."

"You know as much as I do that I did too," she sniffed. "I just—There's more to it than that and I don't know how to tell you without completely shattering your heart. You don't deserve this and I'm so sorry." The tears were coming harder now and Mikey could feel her pain through the phone. He knew she had issues, but after helping her get sober he was sure he could deal with anything. Clearing his throat he asked the one question that had been bugging him for a long time.

"Dom, are you with my brother?"

The line went silent and she hiccuped, "What?"

"I need to know if there's anything going on between you and Gerard. I could be wrong, but I need to hear it from one of you."

Closing his eyes, he tried to steel himself, his fear eating away at him the longer she remained silent. He listened to her cry and feared the worst. What if she had fallen in love with Gerard behind his back? His hands shook just thinking about it and she kept crying.

"I'm so sorry, Mikey," came her response and he nearly dropped the phone.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Dom stared blankly at the splattered canvas. She'd been throwing paint at it for hours and still wasn't satisfied. She wiped the back of her hand over her cheeks, still feeling the dry tears there that wouldn't go away. No matter how hard she wiped and scratched at her face the feeling wouldn't leave. Mikey hated her. She knew it now. He hadn't called in over a day and Gerard hadn't said anything to her either. The silence had driven her mad with guilt so she turned the insanity to her canvas. In a fit of anguish she'd trashed her studio, her paintings and supplies strewn all over the main floor. The only one that remained was the one perched on the easel beside the still life. Her toxic cocktail.

Letting her eyes drift down to the martini glass of pills she felt the familiar urge in the pit of her stomach. That urge to make the pain go away. To make the feelings stop. Dipping her fingers into the glass she pulled up three pills and rolled them in her palm. They could make the hurt and guilt eating at her disappear. They'd make her numb.

"But I don't want to stop feeling," she whispered to the empty room. "I just want to stop hurting people."

Dropping the pills back into the glass she dipped her paintbrush in the can of red and splashed it against the canvas with a scream. Fresh tears spilled from her cheeks and she sank to the floor, her body shaking with the force of her emotion.

"Fuck!" she screamed, tossing the paintbrush away from her. She wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed until she didn't have any tears left to shed. She yanked her cell phone from her pocket and shoved her hair out of her face, dialing a number she hadn't dialed in three months. Her body went rigid when he answered the phone but she needed something to calm her down.

"Dommie, baby, I've been expecting your call." Luke drawled. "How can I help you?"

"Luke," she sniffed. "I need something heavy."

His laughter filled her ears and she shivered. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, he still made her feel dirty. Fighting the urge to sit under the shower again she closed her eyes and listened to his voice.

"You still got that studio right?"

"I moved," she said flatly. "But I'll meet you where it used to be."

"Lovely, baby. Lovely," he chuckled. "I've missed you, my sober butterfly. I've missed you for three agonizing months. I'm glad you decided to fly back to me."

"I'll see you soon, Luke," was all she said before disconnecting the call.

Jogging up to the loft, Dom slipped into he bathroom. She caught a glimpse of her reflection as she pulled on a pair of clean jeans and froze. She looked horrible. Her eyes were red and puffy; her cheeks bright red and lined with welts from her scratching. Her hair was unkempt and out of place and her arms covered in dried paint. Leaning over the sink she splashed some water on her face and stared hard onto the mirror. Her hand ghosted over her abdomen but she ignored it, her concentration solely on the impending fix. She wondered what Luke would cook up for her.

Running for the door she grabbed her keys and phone off the side table by the door and swung it open only to freeze at the man standing behind it.

"Ray?" she took a step back as the guitarist smiled sheepishly down at her.

"Hey, I just came over to see what you were up to, maybe squeeze in your first lesson before we hit the road again," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and Dom smiled.

"Uh, I was just on my way out…" she hedged, combing her hands through her hair.

"Oh, then, I guess I can come back another time," he started to walk away and Dom bit her lip, conflicted.

"Ray? Wait, come back," she reached for him and he turned with a grin. "My place is a bit chaotic at the moment so don't mind the mess."

"I think I'm used to mess after living with the guys," he laughed and Dom pulled the door further open. He gaped at the destroyed room and frowned. "Dom, what happened?"

Her face flushed and she shrugged, "It's a long story."

"We got time," he shrugged his guitar case off his shoulder and placed it on the couch. She eyed it curiously before watching him shrug his jacket off and hang it beside hers on the wall. She sighed when he looked at her expectantly and threw her hands up in the air.

"Fine, you might want to sit though."

He sank onto the couch beside his guitar, pulling her down beside him. She propped her feet up on the coffee table, a few of the art magazines cluttering the surface falling to the floor. She rested her head back and cleared her throat.

"I guess I should just come out with it," she mumbled, picking at her fingernails. "I've sort of been seeing Gee for a while."

"I know," Ray grinned and her eyes went wide.

"How the hell do you know?"

"Dom, we're not blind," he chuckled. "Every time you're together the tension is there. You guys try to pretend it's not but it so is. I wasn't sure if you were acting on it or not, but it's not like we couldn't see it."

The breath rushed from Dom's lungs and she groaned. "And I thought we were hiding it so well."

"What I don't get is why you hid," he turned to her, pulling a leg up onto the cushion to get comfortable. He leaned his head on his hand and watched her struggle. Her lips trembled and he had a feeling she was going to cry when she let out a whimper and bent forward, resting her head on her knees.

"I'm sure Mikey told you about the night I ran away," she said into her jeans.

"Not everything, although I got the gist."

"He confessed to me that he wanted to be more than friends. He told me he'd felt that way for a long time. I was struggling with my own shit, my addiction, my family bullshit, and he just piled it on and I freaked out. Being the coward that I am, I ran away to the only place I knew how to cope. Luke's."

"How long were you with Luke before you OD'ed?"

"I don't know. I was so high most of the time the days just ran together. He kept me good and numb for so long, and then I saw you guys play in the city and I freaked out again. Mikey saw me and tried to talk to me and I fled. I found Luke at one of his clubs and stuffed myself full of pills. He gave me heroine and I couldn't take it. Next thing I know I'm in a hospital bed with hands all over me," she shivered and hugged herself. "After that I started spending a lot of time with Gerard. He knew what I was going through, talked me through it, he was there for me and it just turned into more. I don't even know how it happened we were drawing together and he just kissed me…"

Her voice trailed off and she sniffed. "We've been sneaking around ever since. It's my fault though. I should have told Mikey and I didn't and now he hates me," she sobbed. "I let it go on for far too long and I just keep hurting him, Ray. I keep hurting everyone I love."

Her shoulders shook and she hugged her legs, her hair hiding her face from him. Unsure how to react, he pated her back and cleared his throat. "He doesn't hate you, Dom. None of us do. Hell, Frank and I knew something was going on and we still stuck around. Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with, babe."

She nodded, her body aching from the anguish. She sat up, wiping her eyes and grabbed a tissue off the table, blowing her nose and wiping at her face again. She tried to calm herself down, keeping her eyes away from Ray's expression. She didn't want to see disgust there.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to turn this into a tear fest."

"It's fine," he smiled. "You needed someone to talk to and I'm always willing to listen."

Dom finally turned to see him smiling warmly at her and she felt another wave of tears wash over her. She threw her arms around him, careful not to soak his shirt, burying her face in the crook of her arm. Stunned, Ray hugged her back, surprised at how warm she felt so close to him. They sat in their embrace for a few minutes, until Dom's crying dyed down. The chirping of her cell phone broke them apart and she fumbled around for it only to find it in her pocket. Glancing at the screen she bit her lip and frowned. It was a text from Luke.

'Where the hell are you? I got the stuff.'

Cursing quietly she tapped back a response, 'Sorry. Can't make it. Got caught up.'

Before she could toss the phone away it buzzed again and she sighed. Luke just wouldn't give it up. 'I fucking knew you'd bail. I have your shit if you ever want it.'

'Thanks.'

Tossing the phone away she shook her hands out and sat back on the couch beside Ray. "Sorry."

"So you want to learn to play or what?" he slapped his hands together and pulled his guitar out of it's case.

"No electric?" she eyed the acoustic, her hands secured between her knees.

"We'll start acoustic and if you get good enough we'll upgrade. How's that?"

"Okay," she nodded shyly and he strummed the strings and started tuning it. Dom watched him, unable to help the smile that spread across her face. The second the guitar came out Ray relaxed. He was like an entirely different person. She listened to the staccato plucking and strumming while he tuned before he played a few chords and handed the guitar over.

"Shit, I'm so uncoordinated," she blushed, holding the neck awkwardly.

"No, you're fine," he chuckled and helped her adjust her fingers. "There, you now know how to correctly hold a guitar."

"Yay," she waved her fingers in the air before leaning back over the guitar. She plucked out a few notes and laughed. "I have a feeling this is going to take forever. I'll never be you, Ray Toro."

"Well, it doesn't happen over night," he shook his head, tucking a chunk of curls behind his ear. "Do you know how to read music?"

"A little," she shrugged. "But not really. I haven't played or looked at music since high school."

"Then we'll start there," he pulled a folder and notebook out of the case and flipped it open. His scrawl of music notes and other jottings covered every page in different color pen. Some lyrics littered the margins and Gerard's doodles decorated the cover.

"Wow, can I just look through this?" Dom grabbed it, her eyes sparkling. She paged through it and grinned, biting her nail as she read some of the lyrics scrawled across one page. Her face lit up when she found the first draft of her favorite song, Desert Song, scribbled across a page of notes and doodles toward the middle of the book.

"Can you teach me to play this?" she breathed excitedly. "Please?"

"Yeah, sure," Ray nodded, trying not to laugh at her giddiness. It surprised him how happy she looked compared to his first arrival. The place was still a complete mess but she seemed calmer, more focused not that she'd gotten everything off her chest.

"Thanks Ray," she pecked him on the cheek, "for being here for me today. The last twenty-four hours have been complete shit."

He nodded, unsure of what to say. She turned her eyes down to the guitar and strummed a few chords and he smiled. "Where'd you learn that?"

"I watch when you and Frank play. I guess it stuck," she shrugged.

For the next few hours the two messed around with the guitar, Dom slowly learning the beginnings of Desert Song and relearning how to read and write music. She let her mind wander away from the drugs, the issues and the pain and enjoyed her time learning guitar. By the time Ray left she felt like she could genuinely smile again. Sighing as she closed the door behind him, she turned her attention to the chaos of her destroyed studio. Humming to herself she grabbed a tube of paint off the floor and looked up at the ceiling, thanking the higher ups for Ray's timing.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Mikey stared into his coffee cup. He wanted to throw it on someone. Just get the confusion out of his system before he went insane. He had the urge to cause some kind of chaos, just so the chaos of his life would stop. Sighing, he took a sip and frowned. It was cold. He pushed the paper cup away from him and leaned back in his chair, his eyes wandering over the handful of patrons scattered around the little Starbucks. His gaze stopped on a teenage couple sitting in the window, their arms wrapped around each other and their lips connected. Them. He wanted to throw his coffee on them. Break them apart to ease the raging pain in his chest.

Tucking his hands in the front of his green hoodie, he avoided the temptation, instead turning his gaze to his cell phone sitting a few inches to his left. He reached for it, hitting the button to light the screen up and stared at the backlight. Biting his lip, he rolled his thumb over the center button, scrolling through his contacts. It stopped on Gerard and he sighed. He hadn't spoken more than two words to his brother since his conversation with Dom. No matter how much Gerard wanted to explain himself or his actions, he just didn't want to hear it.

"Um, excuse me?" a soft voice interrupted Mikey's angry stupor and he looked up into the pale face of the teenage girl he's contemplated throwing his coffee at.

"Hi," he cleared his throat and dropped his phone on the table, the plastic slapping hard on the surface.

"You're Mikey Way, right? From My Chem?" she asked hopefully and he sighed.

"Yeah, that's me," he nodded.

She grinned and pulled napkin and a pen out of her purse and held it out to him, "Could I get an autograph? I've been a fan since Bullets."

"Sure," he nodded and scribbled on the page, handing it back to her. She thanked him with flushed cheeks before running off after her boyfriend who waited by the door.

At least the fans still loved him. His frown deepened. The thought was depressing. All he had was his fans. He didn't even know where the band would go from there. He could barely be in the same room with his brother let alone share a stage with him. How were they supposed to get along after that betrayal. The screen on his phone caught his attention and he picked it up, sliding his sunglasses over his eyes.

_'Can we meet?' _

Dom's question was timid through the text and he wrinkled his nose, ignoring it. There was no way in hell he was going to speak to her after what she'd done. He didn't care how childish he was acting. There was no way he wanted to be around Gerard or Dominica without inflicting physical pain.

He slid from the booth and stuffed his phone in his pocket before making his way out into the morning. Instead of making his way back to the subway he wandered around the city, enjoying the sun and serenity of the early day. His phone went off again in his pocket and he rolled his eyes, stopping to look at the ID. It was Ray.

"What's up, Toro?" he answered.

"Where are you? We're supposed to be practicing right now, dude."

"I needed some air," he grumbled and Ray sighed heavily.

"You know you're going to have to talk to them. We can't have this awkward shit the entire tour."

"You should've told Gee that before he fucked my best friend," Mikey snapped.

Ray scoffed, "Hey, I'm not the one you should be taking it out on. But in all seriousness, you should talk to them. Dom's a wreck, Mikey."

"How do you know?"

"I was at her place yesterday. She was an emotional mess. She trashed her studio and I think she might have been considering dabbling in the fare of drugs when I showed up. I've never seen her eyes so bloodshot. If you keep silent for much longer she might hurt herself."

"I'm tired of babysitting her," Mikey refused to budge. "She gets like this as a call for help and just expects me to fall right back in to her trap. Not this time. She was fine without me before so she'll be fine now."

Ray remained silent for a while. The silence stretched and Mikey scratched the back of his neck, knowing what he was trying to do.

"That's cold, dude."

"Yeah well," he shrugged. "What do you expect me to do? I can't just forgive her, man."

"You could at least hear her out."

Yeah, he could, but he didn't want to. Not while he was so upset. He pushed his sunglasses up his nose and molded in with the people rushing into the subway. Swiping his MetroCard he hopped onto the train before the doors closed and leaned against one of the poles by the exit. Static filled the heavy silence on the line and he glanced at the screen to make sure the call was still connected.

"Ray, I can't even look at her right now."

Ray's voice crackled and the train lurched forward, providing a moment of better service. "—That may be but you could at least try to talk to Gee. You know he didn't want to hurt you."

Biting back an insult, Mikey rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll try but don't blame me if it doesn't work. I might end up just socking him in the fucking face."

"At least you'll be communicating," Ray chuckled. "That's better than awkward silence."

"Yeah, whatever."

"And you used to be the peace keeper, man. What happened to that?"

Mikey sighed. Yeah, he used to be the good guy and then Dom happened. "My best friend and my brother betrayed me, that's what happened."

Ray remained silent, the crackling filled the phone and then it beeped. Pulling it away from his ear he frowned at the 'Call Was Lost' message on the screen. He slipped it back into his pocket and pulled his hood up to better hide his face, disappearing into the crowd of people when the car stopped and the doors slid open.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Dom drummed her fingers on the bar. No matter how much she didn't want to be at work, she knew she couldn't miss another day. A sigh rushed from her lips and she mechanically poured a drink and slid it down the bar to an expecting patron. He slapped a ten on the surface and walked away with a polite smile. Her eyes squinted at his retreating back but she let it go, grabbing the cash and sliding it into the register.

Combing her fingers through her hair, her eyes lifted to the clock she kept behind the bar, the red numbers letting her know she still had three hours left of her shift. With a groan she tried to focus her attention on the music pumping through the club. She bobbed her head and rocked her hips, occasionally pouring a beer or mixing a drink, her hands moving without thinking as she prepared the array of alcoholic mixtures.

"How you doing, Pocahontas?" Darryl's voice interrupted her mechanical stupor. The big man joined her behind the bar and popped open the cash register to make change.

Dom frowned, "I'm fine, D."

"Really?" he glanced at her quickly, his eyes locking with hers before turning back to the cash. "Because you look fucking miserable to me."

"Not having the best week, dude," she grumbled. "Sorry it's showing."

He chuckled and leaned an elbow on the bar using his other to push the register closed. "You know you can talk to me, Dominica. I'm not just the big bad boss man."

She nodded, "Thanks, but I'm good."

He eyed her for a moment before nodding and making his way toward the VIP bar where he'd come from. Turning back to the bar she leaned forward, burying her head in her hands with a groan. The guys had left without much more than a word to her and it was entirely her fault. She'd ruined their homecoming and betrayed their friendship all in the matter of a five-minute phone call. She wondered what Mikey even thought of her now. She knew he didn't want to speak to her and she didn't blame him. She was a horrible friend.

"Dom, don't look so put out." A soft hand touched her arm and she jumped, looking into the soft brown eyes of her roommate.

"Nat, what are you doing here?" she hissed and took a step back, letting her arms fall to her side.

"A girl can't visit her roommate at work? Fine, I'll go then," she stuck her nose in the air and grabbed the black clutch she'd placed on the bar.

Rolling her eyes, Dom slumped her shoulders and shook her head, "You can stay."

"Lovely!" the blonde chirped and resumed her seat. She shrugged her jacket from her shoulders revealing a skintight black mini dress and leaned forward. "What do you suggest I drink tonight, Nikki?" she grinned when Dom frowned at the nickname.

"Stop calling me that."

"Why do you hate nicknames so much, Dom? They're cute," Nat brushed her off. "Personally I think Pumpkin is perfect."

Dom glared at her and turned her back grabbing a glass and pouring Nat a martini. She plopped an olive in the liquid and handed it over, watching as she took a sip and smiled.

"Perfect."

"Great," Dom mumbled, pulling a towel out of her pocket and wiping off a bit of spilled beer. She tossed it under the bar and grabbed a plastic cup, pouring some Sprite into it and taking a long drink. She smiled and set it behind her before returning her attention to Nat. "Why are you here? Really?"

Nat frowned, "Oh come on, why can't I just be here to have fun, Nikki?"

"Don't do that, Natalie," Dom slapped her hand on the bar, her impatience betting the better of her. "Don't fuck with me. Just tell me why you're here. I'm trying to work."

Nat frowned and leaned forward, biting her lip, "Okay fine. I'm here because Gee told me to look out for you before he left. He's worried about you."

The scoff escaped Dom's lips before she could stop it and she rolled her eyes again, "If he was so worried he would have called. And as you can see, I'm fuckin' fine so you can tell him to go fuck himself."

Nat puckered her lips with an adorable frown, "You don't mean that."

"Yeah, I fuckin' do," she snapped and stomped to the opposite end of the bar where a gaggle of females waited to be served. She took their orders and filled them with little problem, taking their money and adding it to the register at that end. She glared at Nat who had turned away from her to chat up the guy who'd been there earlier. She could tell from her body language she wanted nothing to do with him and was trying to tell him off.

"Jesus H." Dom muttered under her breath, making her way back to her roommate as she shied away from the guy's hand. Pressing her palms on the bar and leaning forward, Dom caught the guy's eye and plastered a fake smile on her face. "Hey, baby, is there a problem?" She leaned close to Nat, her face mere inches from hers. She gave an affectionate giggle and nuzzled the crook of her neck and the guy finally got the hint.

"Sorry, I didn't realize…" he trailed and stumbled away.

Dom watched him go with narrowed eyes and pulled away from the blonde with a flick of her long hair. "You're welcome."

"Thanks, Pumpkin," Nat snickered, blowing her a kiss.

Fed up with the nicknames, Dom planted her hands on her hips and scowled, "If you're just gonna sit here and be a fucking nuisance I'll have D escort you out."

Nat's face fell and she pouted, "Come on, Dom, why do you hate our nicknames so much? It's not like they're hurting you."

"Just don't," she turned her face away and pressed her hand over her mouth. "Can you please leave? I just want to finish my shift."

Seeing the emotion in Dom's eyes Nat backed off and nodded, "Okay, babe. I'll go. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm sorry for upsetting you." She grabbed her clutch and hopped off her stool. When she opened her purse to pay for her drink Dom shook her head and waved her hand.

"No, it's on the house. I can't charge drinks to a good friend," she said, grabbing the glass and tossing the olive into the trash.

Nat grinned and leaned forward, planting a kiss on Dom's cheek before pulling away, "Thank you, sweetie. I'll be back after your shift. We can drive home together, okay?"

Her head bobbed in ascent and Nat disappeared into the crowd. Blinking the unwanted moisture from her eyes, Dom cleared her throat, throwing every ounce of her concentration into her job until the end of her shift.

"'Scuse me, miss," a heavily slurred voice slowed the bartender down as she made her way toward the employee room to gather her things. A heavy hand landed on her shoulder, stopping her progress and she rolled her eyes, spinning around to tell the guy off.

"Listen, Mister—" she froze when her eyes fell on the pesky patron from before. Her eyes widened and she stepped away so his hand fell away from her shoulder. "Pete?"

"It's about time you recognized me," he grumbled with his thick Irish accent slurring his words.

"What do you want?" she demanded, taking a step back so she was pressed against the wall, her hands sandwiched between her rear and the drywall.

Pete shrugged, his pale eyes rimmed with red from drink and his usually fair skin flushed. He pushed the dark bangs from his face with a shaking hand and pushed the other into the pocket of his blazer. Dom eyed his hand and he pulled out a small baggy closed with a twisty tie. White powder filled the small bubble and he held it out to her.

"Luke wanted me to give it to you." He grabbed her arm roughly and placed it in her palm. "He said you can thank him later."

"I don't want it," Dom tried to force it back to him but he stuffed his hands in his pockets and shook his head.

"I can't go back with it, he'll be pissed."

"So what, I don't want it!" she took a step toward him but he stepped away with another shake of his head. Before she could make another move he back away, jogging toward the nearest exit and leaving her alone in the dark hallway. She rolled the small bag in her palm, her fingers pressing into the powder unconsciously as she played with it. Biting her lip she closed her hand around the little ball and made her way to the employee room to grab her things.

* * *

><p>"You're quiet," Nat pushed Dom's shoulder as they sat across from each other on the couch. Nat had her knees pulled to her chest, her torso hunched forward as she painted her toenails. Dom had her legs tucked beneath her, her hands folded in the pouch of one of Gerard's black hoodies she'd stolen from him. Beneath the fabric her hands continued to roll the small baggie of powder. She could feel the plastic stretching and growing weaker under her fingertips. She knew if she played with it too much it would burst all over her clothes.<p>

"Nikki?" Nat pushed her again; this time her eyes snapped onto her and her hands went still.

"Natalie."

"Uh oh," Nat grinned, adding the last coat of blue to her toes. "I'm in trouble again."

"Don't call me Nikki," Dom warned.

"Why not?"

Dom's face darkened, her eyebrows pulling together. "I don't want to talk about it."

Sighing, Nat rolled her eyes, capping the nail polish and tossing it back on the coffee table. She leaned forward, blowing her toes and wiggling them before returning her gaze to Dom.

"You know, Frank told me why you hate being called Pumpkin." She raised her eyebrows, knowing Dom would react to the news.

Just as anticipated, a sigh rushed from her and she pulled her hand out of her sweatshirt and rubbed her forehead. "Did he?"

"Mhmm." Nat nodded. "He told me you hate being called that because Mikey gave it to you after Gerard said that stupid phrase he made up once when he was drunk. What is it again?"

Dom shook her head but Nat continued anyway.

"Shit's easy peasy pumpkin peasy. Pumpkin pie, motherfucker," she giggled, pretending to do her best drunk Gerard impression.

Dom frowned. "That's not funny, Nat. He had a problem and it almost killed him."

"I know." Nat continued to giggle. "It was kind of funny though, admit it."

"No." Dom shook her head. "It makes me sad seeing him like that. And it wasn't funny when Mikey and the guys started calling me that because of it."

"That's not why you hate it though," Nat grinned at her.

"Then why do I hate it, Oh Brilliant One?"

"Because it makes you think of Mikey and what happened between you two. You hate it because you don't love him back."

Dom scowled and shook her head, " Don't tell me how I feel."

She knew Nat was grinning at her. The bitch always knew exactly how she was feeling. She stiffened when she leaned forward, tugging at the front of her sweatshirt.

"What are you playing with under there?"

"Nothing."

"Nikki, show me!" she tried to pull her hand out, Dom's fist tightening around the little ball.

"No, it's nothing." She pulled away. "Please don't call me Nikki."

The pout formed at the corner of Nat's mouth but she remained adamant, her hand fisted tightly in the hoodie. Nat rocked back so she was on her side of the couch again and patted the cushion. Relenting, Dom slid over, resting her head on her roommate's shoulder.

"How about you? Have you made up with Frank? Are you perfect again?" she asked, looking up at Nat's smooth face. "Please tell me you are."

She giggled and nodded, "Yes, we're prefect again… until he does something stupid on tour."

"Don't say that!" Dom groaned. "I can't take when you two fight. It' so pointless."

"Well, I'm sorry but I need to be mad at him sometimes. Just to keep it spicy," she laughed. Her fingers slid into Dom's hair, combing through the knots. Dom closed her eyes, enjoying the gentle tugging of her roommate's fingers. The two remained silent, Dom's mind wandering to Gee. Their fights were never to keep things spicy. They fought to fight. She fought to see his aggressive side. She enjoyed his roughness because he always treated her like a wilting flower.

"You're thinking about Gerard," Nat whispered.

"How do you do that?" Dom asked, looking up at her again. "Know exactly what I'm thinking."

Nat smiled and shrugged, "Well, now that I know about you two, you always make this face when you're thinking about him. Like you're pained but happy. It's like a nightmare that you don't want to wake up from. It's twisted but you like it."

"I don't know what to do," Dom muttered, rubbing her eye. "Nat, he hasn't called me, he hasn't done anything. They both hate me."

Nat squeezed her in a tight hug. "Don't think that, sweetie. Don't. They love you, they're just trying to figure it out. Don't make this your fault. If you love him, you love him and that's all there is."

"But if I stay with him it hurts Mikey. I can't do that, Nat. Mikey's my friend. My best friend," she sniffed. "I can't keep crying over this."

"Then don't," Nat advised. "Make up your mind and stick to it."

With that she stood, leaving Dom sprawled across the couch. She pressed her lips to Dom's temple and patted her shoulder before making her way through the dimmed apartment to go to bed. Dom sighed, rolling onto her back. She pulled the little baggy out of her pouch holding it up to her eyes. She rolled it in her hand one more time, lowering her face into the fabric of the sweatshirt. She loved the sweatshirt because no matter how many times she washed it still kept a hint of Gerard's scent. She closed her eyes and breathed it in, the dryer sheets mixed with the underlying hint of his skin.

"What the hell," she breathed. Her hand closed around the bag again and she sat up, stuffing the thing in her pouch before rolling off the couch and shuffling into her room.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Guys, the silence is killing me," Frank grumbled, lifting his arm away from his face and glancing down at the two bunks closest to the floor, both curtains drawn. He looked over at Ray who was bobbing his head to whatever streamed through his headphones and sighed. It had never been so awkward. "Hello?"

The curtain to one of the bunks pulled back slightly and Mikey poked his head around it, his eyes bleary from sleeping. "What?"

"I said this shit is fucking awkward," Frank repeated and leaned over the side of the bunk. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Mikey grumbled, disappearing back behind his curtain.

"Are you kidding me?" Frank grabbed a stuffed monkey shoved beside his pillow and tossed it across the aisle. It hit the closed curtain with a soft thud and fell to the floor. When no one responded to his half-hearted attempt at being annoyed, Frank shuffled around for something heavier and grinned when he pulled a tennis ball from the depths of his comforter.

"What the fuck, man!" Gerard exclaimed when it smacked the curtain and disappeared behind it. The fabric ripped back and Gee glared up at him, his eye twitching and he lobbed the ball back at him.

Frank dodged it and it hit the wall of the bus and bounced onto the floor, rolling under a pile of clothes scattered under the bunks. He flashed a shit eating grin and Gerard scowled, pulling his ear buds from his ears and setting his iPod aside.

"What do you want, Frank?" he grumbled, resting his chin on his hand.

"I want to know why it's so fucking awkwardly silent. What the hell happened?" Gerard opened his mouth to reply but Frank held up his hand, cutting him off. "And don't even say you don't want to talk about it."

Gerard groaned and rubbed his eye, "Mikey's mad at me."

"Why?"

Before Gerard could reply the curtain hiding Mikey ripped back and he leaned out to glare at Frank. "Because he's a dick."

Rolling his eyes, Frank rested a hand behind his head, "That doesn't answer my question."

The brothers turned their glares on each other and Mikey scowled. "He's been putting the moves on Dom for almost six months behind my back. I think I have the right to be pissed off."

"If you'd just let me explain—" Gerard started but Mikey flipped him off and closed the curtain to his bunk again. "God damn it!"

Frank couldn't help but chuckle at the small tiff but stopped when Gee turned his glare back on him.

"What?"

"Fuck you."

"Hey, I just wanted to know what's going on," Frank shrugged, glancing at Ray for help only to see him bobbing his head and writing in his beat up notebook, completely oblivious to the tension in the small space.

Gerard shook his head, disappearing behind his curtain, the room returning to its awkward, tense state. Frank leaned back into his pillow and sighed. "Well that changed nothing."

For a few minutes the silence endured until Mikey emerged again, ignoring Frank as he made his way toward the front of the bus. The aroma of coffee filled the air and the microwave beeped. He was reheating a cup of Starbucks they'd grabbed before they left. When he returned he leaned against the bunks and crossed his arms over his chest, blowing the top of the paper cup and taking a quick sip.

"Ow," he grumbled. "Hot."

Taking his chance, Frank broke the silence, nudging Mikey with his knee. "So what happened while I was off with Nat?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Frank," he grumbled into his cup, keeping his eyes on his beverage.

"Well too bad. If you don't tell me I'm going to call Dom myself."

"Don't!" Mikey turned, his eyes wide. For a split second he stood there frozen, a look of sheer panic on his face before he realized his action and his face relaxed into it's calm demeanor.

"Then explain to me why you're so pissed off about this girl. I could have told you they were sneaking around from the day it started, man. It was so obvious. That fact that you're so surprised is cute, actually," he chuckled.

"You knew?" Mikey scowled at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Who didn't know? Hell, Brian knew and he hung out with Dom, what, once?"

"Great," Mikey groaned. "Fucking great. And nobody thought to tell me that my fucking brother was porking my best friend? Wouldn't you think that's something I'd want to know?"

"Well, I didn't know they were sleeping together or anything, they were just spending a lot of time together and shit. And there was definitely a lot of tension between them."

"You know I can fucking hear you," Gerard yanked the curtain to his bunk back and climbed out. Frank rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I want you to hear," Frank grinned and Gee flipped him off, his glare on Mikey.

"Why don't you just hear me out?"

"Because I don't want to hear your stupid excuses."

"I'm not making excuses, Mikey!" Gerard yelled. "I'm trying to tell you that I wasn't trying to sneak around behind your back. I understood what she was going through and I offered my help, man. She didn't want to dump all her shit on you because she didn't know how you'd take it. She had herself busted in two trying to be this perfect girl that you made her out to be and still deal with all the shit on her plate. She just wanted a shoulder to lean on and we ended up becoming really close. I don't know why you'd hold that against me." Gerard's chest heaved from speaking so quickly. He raked his hair from his face and rested his hands on his hips while Mikey eyed his older brother.

The electricity between the two was almost tangible and Frank waited eagerly to see where all the pent up aggression would lead. He bit back a laugh when Mikey's fist balled at his side, his other hand tightening around his coffee cup.

"You knew I loved her, Gee," he finally said, the hurt in his tone breaking the angry tension.

Gerard shook his head, "No you loved this perfect idea of her. You might have helped with her sobriety but you don't know half the shit she had to go through that she couldn't tell you."

Mikey's brow furrowed, "That doesn't justify you sleeping with her for six months," his voice broke and he took a sip from his cup and coughed.

Frank shifted uncomfortably in his bunk, suddenly aware of his intrusion into the obviously personal conversation. He tried to keep still, trying hard to quietly shuffle around his small space to find his iPod. When he couldn't find it he groaned, not wanting to jump down from his bunk and interrupt the heavy silence. Lucky for him, Ray slid his legs over the side of his bunk and hopped to the floor, his headphones resting at the base of his neck. He glanced from Gee to Mikey with a stern face and stood between them, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Really guys?" he muttered.

Both Ways turned their eyes on him, eyebrows raised.

"What?" Mikey was the first to voice the question on their minds.

Scratching the back of his head, Ray sighed, "You're brothers, you love each other regardless of Dom's bullshit. The fact that you're letting her problems get between you because Gerard felt a connection to her and acted on it is ridiculous." He clapped his hands on both of their shoulders and pushed them toward each other. "Now hug it out or we're stopping this bus and resolving the bullshit."

Gerard tried to tug away from Ray's grip but he only squeezed his arm tighter. Mikey winced, clearly trying to attempt the same but Ray meant business. Sighing in defeat, Mikey took a step forward, wrapping his arms around his older brother.

"I can't believe I'm doing this right now," he grumbled into Gerard's tee shirt. "But he's right. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Gee muttered. "I should be the one on hands and knees begging your forgiveness. I fucked up, dude. I should've at least talked to you about this shit before sneaking around."

Nodding, Ray let them go, pulling his headphones over his ears and returning to his bunk. Frank watched with an amused smile as Mikey and Gee broke apart, Gee scratching the back of his neck awkwardly while Mikey stuffed his hand in his pocket and glanced around, still casually holding his coffee. Felling the need to break the awkwardness, Frank sat up and clapped his hands together.

"So, who wants to play some Halo?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The whimper was low and persistent in the back of Dom's throat, her eyes squeezed tightly shut against the nightmare. Her hands fisted in the rumpled blankets covering her and her head thrashed from side to side, disturbing the smooth waves of her long hair. The whimper grew louder before cutting off, Dom's head thrashing in sleep.

_"Stop it, Daddy!" the little girl shrieked, hugging her legs tightly to her small chest. Her large gray eyes were wide as she stared up at the table she hid beneath. The yelling echoed off the kitchen walls and her father's leg collided with the table, sending a screech of wood on linoleum._

_"Stupid bitch!" her father's voice boomed, followed by a loud slap. The girl whimpered when her mother fell to the floor holding her face, the tears mixing with blood seeping between her trembling fingers. "I told you to keep away from that fucking prick next door!"_

_"David, he came over to watch Nikki," her mother gasped through the tears. "I was going shopping for her school clothes, that's all."_

_Her father's hands grabbed her mother's shoulders, pulling her off the floor. Her heels clicked loudly as she struggled to regain her footing but David never gave her the chance. Another thump of hand against face filled the room and her mother fell to the floor again, this time her eye quickly swelling closed._

_"Nikki, sweetie, you need to get out of here, baby." Her one open eye fell on the girl and she leaned forward, crawling on her hands and knees toward her mother. "No, don't come this way, go to your room."_

_Nodding, the girl turned, crawling in the opposite direction until the kitchen table no longer hid her. Jumping to her feet she ran as fast as her toddler legs could carry her toward the front steps. She could hear the yelling of her father, the smell of stale alcohol filling the downstairs. As she charged up the steps her feet became tangled and she fell forward, hitting her chin on the step above. A whine of pain escaped her…._

Dom came out of her dream with a cry, her hands groping at her chin, feeling the rough carpet against the delicate skin. Squeezing her eyes closed she fell back into her pillows and groaned. She hated sleeping sometimes. No matter how much her body needed it sleeping always ended up in nightmares. It was the only time her mind was vulnerable enough to let that scared little girl resurface full force.

"Fuck," she muttered, rubbing the sleep from her face and rolling onto her stomach. She fished out the ear buds to her iPod and plugged them into her ears, hitting shuffle and burying her face in the sheets. She let out a soft chuckle; of course, the first song that played was My Chemical Romance. Gerard's voice filled her head and she yanked the earphones out.

"I hate that you know me so well, iPod," she glared at the small square screen, using the back light to find her cell phone. Her hand landed on the little baggie of powder she'd been carrying with her for two days and frowned. A small slit in the plastic was letting particles leak onto her bedside table. Lifting the bit of powder on her fingertip to her eyes she studied it with a frown. Her mind screamed at her not to do it but her heart told her to go for it. Break her sober promise.

"No, not yet," she shook her head, wiping the residue on her pajama bottoms before grabbing her phone and finding who she wanted to call. If the Ways didn't want to speak to her, she was going to have to bite the bullet and speak to one of them. So with trembling fingers she hit the send button and prayed.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four rings.

Chewing her bottom lip she groaned when the automated voice informed her that Mikey was unavailable to take her call. She disconnected it and tried Gerard, crossing her fingers that one of them would pick up. When her call went unanswered she tossed the phone and buried her face in her hands.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckin' shit fuck!" she grumbled, rolling onto her stomach. Her fingers wrapped around the phone again and she scrolled through her contacts. She paused at the little highlighted "L" and lifted her thumb. She knew Luke would answer, but she didn't want to bear her soul to her former drug dealer. A frown creased Dom's face and she continued scrolling, the highlighted line stopping on Ray. Shrugging, Dom clicked the name and selected the number.

"Can't hurt to try," she mumbled and hit send, crossing her fingers again as it rang.

"Hello?" his voice was drowned out by the massive roaring of fans and Dom hesitated. They were performing.

"Oh, God, Ray, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were at a show. I feel so stupid now—"

"Dom? What's wrong? I have a second before we go back on. What's up?" He sounded rushed and his breath came in short bursts. Dom smiled.

"I just… I had a nightmare and I needed someone to talk to is all."

"Oh, well, I have to go, but I'll call you after we're finished. We just have the encore and we're done."

"Okay," Dom nodded, unable to control her silly smile.

"'Kay, see ya," he said and the line disconnected. Burying her face in her pillow, Dom sighed. She should've known they'd be performing. They'd been on tour for what felt like forever. Groaning, she turned her head to the side and her eyes landed on the little bubble of plastic holding the white powder. Fighting the urge to pick it up, she tucked her hands underneath the pillow and stared at it. Hard.

_"You little slut! Get the fuck out of my house!"_ The drunken screams echoed through Dom's head and she winced. Her eyes fluttered closed as she remembered, the force of her father's words making her cringe.

_"I didn't do anything, Dad!" her teenage self screamed back. Her lean frame was pressed against the wall, her hands tucked behind her as she glared into the bleary brown eyes of her father._

_"I can smell the kid on you, Dominica!" His heavy hand landed hard on her shoulder and she yelped in pain but he didn't seem to hear. Instead his hand moved the hair away from her neck, his fingers tugging down the collar of her shirt. A small bruise on her collarbone made his eyes go wide and he slammed his daughter hard against the wall._

_"What's that?"_

_"Nothing!"_

_"What is it?" His roar made her wince again._

_"I said it's nothing!" She ripped her body away from his grip, tripping up the stairs. His drunken lumbering followed her as she ran into the safety of her bedroom and slammed the door. As she slid the lock into place his fist rattled the hinges but the wood didn't budge._

_"You're a whore! Just like your mother!" He screamed, the shattering of a bottle letting Dom know he'd dropped his beer again. A few tears leaked from the corners of her eyes but she wiped them away with shaking hands._

_"You don't mean that. You're drunk," she whispered and he punched the door again. She could hear him sobbing on the other side. Another thump let her know he'd slid to the floor where he continued to blubber._

_"Daddy?" Dom whispered, cracking the door open to find her father curled up on the floor in the puddle of his beer. His shoulders shook and he hugged his knees, his hair a tangled mess of black around his face. Cautiously, Dom slipped into the hallway, kneeling beside him and resting a careful hand on his shoulder. "Daddy, don't cry."_

_"I miss her so much," he slurred, turning his face into the puddle of alcohol and breathing in. "So much."_

_"I know," Dom said softly, helping him sit up. "I know. I do too."_

_His body went limp as Dom got him upright and she groaned. Trying her best, she managed to hook her hands under his arms and drag him slowly down the hall to the master bedroom. Propping him up on the baseboard of the bed she went to work removing his shoes and jacket before struggling to get him onto the mattress. When that was done she turned to the closet and grabbed the bucket she kept there, placing it beside the bed for when he awoke. _

The ringing of her cell phone pulled her out of her head and Dom jumped, fumbling for it with frantic hands. She lifted her face out of the pillow and glanced at the caller ID, her heart doing a somersault in her chest.

"Gee?"

"Hey," was his reply and she frowned.

"That's it?"

"What?"

"You haven't said a word to me for God knows how long and all you can say is 'Hey'?"

The line was quiet for a moment before he laughed. Dom's jaw clenched and he kept laughing. "Okay, don't jump down my throat. Shit. If you'd continued the conversation I would have apologized but if you're gonna be like this I'll just hang the fuck up."

For a split second Dom wanted him to but she remembered why she'd called him and the anger disappeared. "Wait, don't. Please. I'm sorry."

She could hear Frank laughing in the background and the muffled rumble of the tour bus's engine. They were back on the road. Gerard sighed.

"Ray told me to call you back. He said you called all frantic during the show. What happened?"

"I—I just had a nightmare. That's all."

"A nightmare or a memory?" Dom could hear the concern in his voice and she smiled.

"Memory," she muttered into her pillow.

"Which one?"

"When I fell up the steps."

"Is that the only one?"

She felt the blush rise in her cheeks. He knew her so well. "No."

"What was the other one?"

"After my Dad caught me sophomore year with my first hickey."

He chuckled but quickly turned it into a cough. Dom felt herself smile with him. Leading up to going home had been one of the best nights of her life before her spiral into oblivion.

"That was a good night."

"Yeah," she sighed, her fingers creeping out from beneath her pillow to touch the spot where the hickey had been so many years ago. "I miss those days."

"I do too sometimes."

"Gee?"

"Yes?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, Sugar."

Dom grinned. "I love it when you call me that."

The two shared a short laugh before the smile faded from Don's lips. She didn't want to ruin the moment but she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. She had to ask him.

"I know what you're going to say," Gee broke the short silence. "Just say it."

"I don't want to," she whispered. "I don't want to ruin this."

"Dom," he warned. "Just ask."

"Why didn't you call?" she blurted and his soft chuckle filled her ear. "It's not funny!"

"I know, I'm sorry," he sobered. "And I've been trying to think of an answer to that question since we left and I still have no idea. I guess I just felt that if I called you, I'd betray what I've spent this entire tour so far repairing with Mikey."

"Then why are you talking to me now?"

"Because I can't hide from this forever," he sighed.

"Hide from what?" Gee frowned at the caution in her voice. He knew she'd be afraid of what he was about to say. She did the same thing with Mikey. He just hoped she'd stick around this time.

"The fact that I've fallen in love with you, Dominica."

The line was silent for a moment before Dom sniffed. She was struggling to hide her tears from him but he knew she was crying. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow but it wouldn't budge. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear her reaction.

"Dom?"

"Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

She sniffed again. "I—I don't know, Gee. You just told me you love me."

"I know. You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know."

"Thanks for that. Really." She replied sarcastically. She tried blinking away the tears but they just kept flowing. Wiping a hand across her face she rested her forehead in her palm and sighed.

"I don't want to hurt you too," she finally whispered. "I told you not to fall in love with me. You promised, Gee."

He laughed, "We sound like a fucking movie."

"Yeah," she forced a watery chuckle. "I can't do this again. I can't."

"Don't run away," he pleaded. "Dom, please."

"I can't hurt you too. I care too much about you to go through this again. Not you too. I already destroyed what I had with Mikey. Not you too."

"You haven't destroyed anything."

"Yes, I have!" she sobbed.

In the background she could hear Mikey talking to Ray and Frank. Her heart froze when his voice got closer and he asked the million-dollar question. "Gee, who you talking to?"

"Dom." Gerard answered and she held her breath.

"Can I?" came his response and she prayed Gerard wouldn't hand him the phone.

"Yeah, one second."

"Fuck."

"Dom, Mikey wants to talk to you."

"I heard," she tried to put on her game face, wiping at the still streaming tears.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"No, not at all."

"Okay, here he is."

Pressing her lips together, Dom heard the phone shift and another sob wracked her when Mikey greeted her.

"Hi, Dom."

"Hi, Mike."

The two fell silent and Dom pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. Just knowing he was on the other side of the phone made her heart splinter into a thousand pieces. She took a deep breath, counting a few seconds before letting it out and flipped to lay on her back, staring at the shadows on the ceiling.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes trained on the tree branch taking up most of the ceiling.

"Me too."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry I scared you off."

"You didn't."

"But I did. I should have known how you'd react. I should have known telling you how I felt would ruin everything. Dom, I didn't want to lose you. Maybe if I never told you, you wouldn't have run to Gerard."

"I didn't run to him. He was just helping me. You have to understand."

"I don't."

"I wish I could see you in person for this conversation," she grumbled. "This needs to be said face to face."

"Then fly out." His voice sounded flat. Annoyed even. Dom squeezed her eyes closed, the shadows of her memory still burned onto her eyelids. She cringed.

"I can't. Not yet."

"Then we'll talk now."

"Don't be like this, Mikey," she warned. "Please, don't be like this."

"How am I supposed to be?"

"Just not like this!"

"I just want to understand why this happened. Just explain it to me, please. You have no idea how much this hurts. I love you, Dom. I've loved you for a long time and you just ruined everything."

"I didn't want to! It just happened! I never meant to put you through this and I shouldn't have let it happen. Mikey, please understand. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. Love is such a huge word and I couldn't handle such a responsibility. You expected so much and I couldn't return it. I still can't. I don't know how."

The sobs wracked her again and she pushed her pillow against her face to muffle them. She didn't want to wake Nat with her crying again. Pulling her knees to her chest she let the tears roll onto the pillow cover until it was soaked.

"I don't think we should see each other for a while," his monotone interrupted her sobbing. The breath caught in Dom's throat and she coughed.

"What?"

"I don't want to see or hear from you for a while. I need time to figure this out," he repeated. "I don't think you should call us either."

"Mikey, don't do this."

"I'm sorry, Dom."

"No, don't—!"

But the line clicked. Dom stared at the flashing numbers on her cell phone screen, her mouth agape. She let it fall out of her hand before the tears wracked her frame again. She gasped for air but nothing helped. Her entire body hurt from the emotional blow. She let the tears fall until she couldn't cry anymore. Keeping her arms wrapped tightly around her as the pain in her chest consumed her.

Her red, watery eyes fell on the little baggy on the bedside table and Dom reached out for it, letting the powder fall through the slit and onto the wood. Easing her weight to sit up, Dom leaned over it, pulling open the top drawer where she kept index cards and papers. She pulled out one of the cards and dug around mechanically until she found the little straw she was looking for. She tapped the card in the powder, making three thin lines before raising the straw to them and leaning close. The first line made her whoozy and she dragged the back of her hair under her nose and sniffed. Blinking a few times she returned to the lines, inhaling the second.

She stared at the third with half open eyes and sniffed again. She didn't know why she broke her promise. She couldn't feel anything anyway. The numb had taken hold of her the moment Mikey'd hung up the phone. She shrugged into the darkness. Maybe she just needed the old habit. She had no idea. Her eyes returned to the last line and she leaned forward. The table went out of focus but she ignored the dizziness and inhaled the last line. Dropping the straw on the table she fell back into her pillows and stared at the ceiling until she fell into black.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"Smile for me, sweetie," Nat cooed, her fingers pushing a chunk of hair out of Dom's face. "Please?"

Dom shook her head, keeping her eyes closed. She frowned. Her mouth felt like the Sahara desert and she recognized the icky feeling of being in the same bed for longer than twenty-four hours. Sticking her tongue out she groaned and rolled onto her side, the machine connected to her IV beeping because of the sudden movement.

"Make it shut up," she whined, straightening her arm. She felt Nat lean over her and the machine stopped mid beep. "Thanks."

Nat smiled down at her roommate, resting her arms on the plastic rail on the side of Dom's bed. She rested her chin on her arms and tilted her head to the side. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" Dom rubbed her hand over her eyes and blinked them open, squinting at the harsh fluorescent light if the hospital room.

"You know what I'm talking about. Don't play coy," Nat said, reaching over her to pour a cup of water. "Here drink this."

Sipping the water, Dom rested her head back in the pillows, letting Nat place the cup back on the table beside the bed. She groaned and smoothed the hospital gown over her before looking over her shoulder at Nat.

"I don't—"

"Don't even say that," Nat cut her off before she could finish the sentence. "Bottling this shit up is getting you nowhere. So either you talk to me or you're staying here until you talk to a councilor. I'm not gonna keep playing this guessing game with you."

Nat watched her best friend close down. The tears welled up in her eyes and she buried her head in the pillows. Her knees pulled up and she stayed in the fetal position. Her hair fanned out behind her and her shoulder shook, a low wail of agony filling the quiet room. Pushing her chair closer to the bed, Nat laced her fingers with Dom's and squeezed, hoping the small action would comfort her at least a little.

"He doesn't want to talk to me," Dom finally whispered into her pillow cover.

"Who?"

"Mikey," she sniffed and rolled to face her roommate. "He said he thinks not speaking for a while will help him figure things out. He doesn't want me to talk to Gee either."

"Oh honey," Nat pulled Dom's hand to her face and kissed the knuckles. She patted her hand gently and reached up, smoothing her hair behind her ear again.

Dom's lips trembled and she buried her face back in the pillows. A low sob wracked her and she pulled her hand from Nat's, wrapping her arm around her middle. "I don't know why I did it, Nattie. It was there and I just did it. I couldn't feel anything. I still can't."

"Yes you can," Nat soothed. "You're just in shock."

Dom took a deep breath and hugged her knees. The machine on her IV began beeping again and Nat cursed, resetting it. She glanced around the room before returning her attention to Dom who'd fallen back to sleep, her breathing slow and steady. Smiling, Nat pulled the blankets over her and tucked them beneath her before stepping out of the room and pulling out her phone.

"Hey babe," Frank answered on the second ring, his chipper tone making her frown.

"Frankie, can you keep a secret?" she whispered.

"What?"

"It's about Dom. She used last night. I found her passed out on her bed. Her nose was bleeding pretty bad."

"Is she all right? Did you take her to the hospital?"

Nat smiled at the frantic raise of his voice. "I called an ambulance the second I found her. She's doing better though."

"Fuck, why didn't you call Gee, or Mikey?"

"Because I don't want them to know about it," Nat sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "It's because of them that she did it."

"How?"

"They had a conversation, I'm sure you heard it. Dom said she could hear you talking to Ray in the background."

The line went quiet and Frank cleared his throat. "Oh, yeah. Mikey was yelling. That explains why those two aren't speaking to each other at the moment."

"They're not?"

"Nope. Gee said something about not wanting to alienate her and Mikey was going on about it being for his own good. It got pretty intense so Ray had to step in and defuse the situation. He's been doing that a lot lately."

"Sorry to hear that," Nat said, chewing her nail. "Dom never intended to cause so much trouble. She's taking it really hard."

"I think distance might help. She needs to get her shit together as much as we do."

"I guess." Nat nodded, smiling politely at a nurse who stepped into Dom's room to make sure she was okay. Nat's eyes stayed on the open door as she watched the reflection of the nurse in the mirror across from Dom's bed. She leaned over her and checked her vitals before placing a hand on her arm and shook her awake.

"Gee?" Dom groaned and Nat stepped into the doorway as Dom gingerly sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," the nurse said. "I just need to make sure everything's stable. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, but that's not what you mean," Dom grumbled, her voice devoid of humor. "I'm freezing."

The nurse nodded and bustled from the room. Nat resumed her seat beside her roommate and sighed. She waited for the nurse who returned with an extra blanket and left again before resuming her conversation.

"Frank, d'you want to talk to her? She's awake."

"Sure."

Dom's eyebrows shot up when Nat handed her the phone. She closed shaking fingers around it and held it to her ear, her posture relaxing when Frank greeted her.

"How are you feeling, Pumpkin?" he said, his voice soft in her ear.

"I don't feel anything, Frankie," Dom replied flatly, ignoring his use of her nickname.

"Don't say that. You have to feel something."

"I feel empty." Dom stared at her knees and scratched her thigh.

"Don't feel like that."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. So I'm not feeling anything," Dom whispered, her lip trembling. She wiped at her eyes and turned her head away from Nat, her hair hiding her face. "I just want things to go back to normal, Frankie."

"It's too late for that."

"And it's my fault. Why do I always do this to everyone around me? I'm like a wall of destruction. Maybe if I wasn't around anymore everyone would be happy," Dom sobbed. "I should just go away."

"Don't you event think that."

"I can't help it," she sniffed.

"Yes, you can. We love you, Dom. Don't forget that. If anything happened to you we'd all be fucking lost. I swear to god if you even think about hurting yourself—"

"Thanks, Frank," Dom cut him off.

"For what?"

"Caring."

He laughed. "We all care about you."

"I wish I believed that." Dom wiped her hand under her eyes again. "Is Ray around?"

She heard him shuffle and held her breath, hoping he was. Frank's voice greeted her again and she frowned. "I'm sorry, babe, but he's sleeping. Mikey and Gee are up though."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll give you back to Nat then. I'm not Mikey's favorite person at the moment so I don't think I should talk to him. Tell Gee I said I miss him."

"I will."

"Thank you. I love you Frankie."

"Love you too, Pumpkin."

Dom rolled to face Nat and held the phone out. She offered her roommate a watery smile before turning away from her. She listened to Nat whisper to Frank and hang up the phone. Closing her eyes she pretended to be asleep, breathing as slow and evenly as she could so Nat wouldn't know she was awake. She listened to the chair creak as Nat shifted her weight but didn't leave.

"I know you're still awake," she muttered after a few minutes of silence. "I get it if you don't want to talk but I'm going to say this anyway. We love you, Dom. I love you. And I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. Last night I thought you were gone and I felt like I was losing my sister. You're family now. I know you don't think you are, but believe me, I love you like my fucking blood.

"Gerard and Mikey and Frank and Ray, they love you like family too. I know right now you think they don't care but they care more than anyone. Mikey might be in a bad place right now but he still loves you. Gerard loves you. You might not think you deserve that love, Dom, but you do. They're just frustrated that you can't accept that."

Dom squeezed her eyes closed and fought another wave of tears. She wasn't sure if she could ever accept that. She didn't deserve them. Hugging her knees closer to her chest she bit her bottom lip trying to stifle her crying. She didn't want Nat to be right but she was. They did love her and she loved them so much it hurt. She felt the mattress shift and stiffened when Nat's arms wrapped around her, the smell of strawberries from her hair and the faint aroma of perfume hit her and she let out a quiet hiccup.

Nat pressed her face into Dom's shoulder and squeezed her tightly; "Frank wanted me to give you a hug from him and the guys. He's not going to tell Gee and Mikey about your overdose. But he wants you to get help again. He wants you to talk to someone."

"I don't want to," Dom whispered.

"You don't have to right now, but you will when you're better," Nat said, her tone telling her not to argue. Instead, Dom let Nat tuck the extra blanket around her and settle back into her chair where she remained for the rest of the night.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"You seem a little off tonight, Frankie," Mikey pointed out as the band sat around their dressing room. Frank looked up from his hands and shrugged, the deer in headlights look written across his face. Mikey leaned back into the cushions of the couch that had been provided for them and crossed his legs, bouncing his foot a few times.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, man," Frank nodded, blowing his hair from his face and looking toward the closed door.

Tilting his head to the side, Mikey watched his band mate curiously. There was definitely something bothering him. He was more antsy than usual and he was definitely distracted. Before he could question Frank further, Gerard waltzed into the room with a water bottle in hand and a girl on his arm.

"Hey guys," he beamed. "This is Lindsey. You remember her."

The group gave a collective nod and Mikey waved at the fellow bassist before returning his curious eyes on Frank who looked thunderstruck. He stared as Gerard and Lindsey crossed the room and sank onto another of the four couches and leaned toward each other in hushed conversation. Mikey's brow furrowed as Lindsey laughed and the smile on his brother's face widened a little more. He looked like he'd just fallen head over heels in love.

"Fuck," Frank muttered, drawing Mikey's eyes away from his brother.

"What?"

"Nothing," Frank shook his head and sprawled out on his couch. He absently began tapping his fingers against the cushion; the fast beat quickening every time Gerard or Lindsey laughed.

Finally fed up with the tapping, Mikey jumped to his feet and crossed the room, grabbing Frank by the front of his shirt and yanking him into the hall amongst confused curses. When the door slammed closed behind them the younger Way rounded on him with a hard stare.

"What's going on with you? You're acting odd."

Frank chewed his lip and shrugged, not meeting Mikey's gaze. "I told you, it's nothing. I'm just jittery, that's all. I think I drank too much Coke before we went on and it's still not worn off yet."

He shrugged his shoulders to stress his point but Mikey didn't buy it. "Frank, you're lying."

"How do you know?" he scratched the back of his neck and shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. Mikey waited for him to light up before pressing the matter.

"You're not looking me in the eye."

"So?"

"Frank!"

His eyes finally met with Mikey's and he sighed, a tangle of smoke filling the space between them. "Remember last week when you guys had that fight with Dom. You told her not to call you or anything?"

Butterflies erupted in Mikey's stomach at the mention of her name. He'd been doing so well not thinking or worrying about her. His chest tightened at the possibilities of Frank bringing their week old argument back to the surface and none of them were good. Keeping his lips pursed, Mikey shifted his weight and nodded, waiting for Frank to continue.

"Well, I've been keeping in touch with Nat and by default, Dom…" he hedged and Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Okay?"

Another sigh and a face full of smoke and Frank caved, "That night Dom used and ended up in the hospital. She didn't want me to tell you or Gee but she's teetering. Nat called me yesterday and said Dom's borderline manic-depressive. She had half a mind to commit her to an institution. Nat's afraid she's gonna hurt herself."

Mikey felt his heart skip a few beats. And he was just finding this out now? His jaw tightened and he swallowed, trying to process the situation before letting his temper get the better of him. He wasn't one to get angry but Dom leaving him in the dark after something like this made his blood boil.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"She was afraid to."

"Why?"

"That's something you'll have to ask her." Frank shrugged, scratching at his elbow and flicking ash to the ground.

"No, you know what, this is just a cry for attention. She's doing this to herself purely as a ploy to snare us again. I'm not doing it. I can't."

"Right, that's why she keeps trying to kill herself, Mike. To get you back in her vice grips. That's complete bullshit, dude, and you know it. The girl is seriously messed up. The least you could do is try and help her."

"I can't." he shook his head. "Not after what she did with Gee. I can't handle that again. It's hard enough forgiving him."

Frank groaned and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. He blew the smoke from his cigarette toward the light before tossing the butt and stomping it out. After bending forward to pick up the crushed butt Frank straightened and patted Mikey's shoulder with a closed-lipped smile.

"You have your own shit to work out, I get that. But she needs you to be her friend, Mike. We're obviously not good enough to keep her afloat. She needs her best friend to keep her sane. To her, when that's gone, she's got nothing. You never really loved her anyway. You loved the expectation. It's time you realized that because she needs you in her life, man."

He gave his shoulder one last reassuring squeeze before disappearing back into the dressing room. The echo of Lindsey's laughter filled the hall for a second before the door closed, returning it to silence. Leaning against the brick, Mikey frowned. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, Frank was right. He never really loved Dominica. He loved the idea of her. He saw her broken side, but not the broken, half crazed insecure little girl she tried her damnest not to let him see. He loved the slightly damaged but still upbeat Dom. The Dom that used occasionally but promised she was weaning herself off.

He barely understood the reeling, emotional, scared Dom. He was terrified of her. Realizing how deep she was in her pill addiction and her insecurities scared the shit out of him. But Frank was right, no matter how terrified he was, she was still his best friend. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. And he needed to get to know her. The real her.

Pulling out his phone he lit the screen, ignoring the blaring numbers telling him it was almost three AM. He dialed Dom's number and crossed his fingers only to be disappointed when it carried through to voicemail. Instead of leaving a message he disconnected, making a mental note to call her in the morning. Stuffing the phone back in his pocket, Mikey pushed away from the wall and faced the door. He wrapped a hand around the knob and sighed. Now he needed to decide whether he wanted to tell Gerard or not. A decision he really didn't want to make.

"…so, I pretty much almost lost my pants that night," Gerard laughed, Lindsey's laughter joining his when Mikey stepped back into the dressing room. His brother looked up from the conversation and waved him over with an enthusiastic grin. "Mikey, come sit. You look like you've just seen a ghost. What happened?"

Fuck. He sank onto the couch beside his brother and shrugged, trying his hardest to come off as nonchalant. He knew he probably came off more as awkward than cool but he was going for anything other than wildly concerned at that point.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he lied and Gee frowned.

"You remember Lindsey, right? We met a few years ago… She plays bass too…"

"Yeah," Mikey nodded, forcing a polite smile and turning to the pretty brunette. She beamed and held her arms open, pulling him into a warm hug. Her red lips pressed to his cheek and he rubbed the spot as he pulled away. "How are you, it's been a while."

"Yeah, I was in town so I figured I'd stop in… Enjoy a great show provided by old friends. You know," she shrugged innocently, her eyes returning to his brother who didn't seem to notice.

Mikey nodded and forced an awkward chuckle, "Well, I'm glad you had a good time. "

"I did! Thank you."

"Listen if I don't see you later, it was great seeing you. I actually have to step out…" Mikey stood and let his voice trail off. He made his way across the room to where Ray sat at his computer, his headphones over his ears and his usually frizzy hair slightly tamed as he surfed the web.

"Ray," he reached out to tug a headphone off when the lead guitarist jumped and pulled it off himself.

"Don't do that, man!" he swatted at him. "What's up?"

Mikey smirked before clearing his throat to get serious. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I was wondering if I could talk to you… you know… in private," he indicated the door and Ray nodded.

"Yeah, sure."

"Great."

The two made their way back into the hall. Mikey could feel Frank's eyes on him as the door closed but he ignored it, instead focusing his attention on Ray.

"What's going on?" Was the first thing the lead guitarist asked, settling his headphones around his neck.

Mikey sighed and scratched the back of his neck. He knew Ray wouldn't tolerate the hedging so he looked his friend right in the eyes and let it spill. "It's Dom. Frank just told me she was in the hospital after our fight. I don't know if I should tell Gerard."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Ray nodded, his expression drawn in concern. He pulled the headphones from around his neck, playing with the cord before nodding again, this time his eyes determined.

"Let Gee do his own thing. He needs to move on and so does Dom. Worry about the tour and yourself. All three of you need some air. If you have to contact her, be gentle, okay. You guys don't seem to know how to talk to her and it just sets her insecurities off. Don't call her unless you know you can be the best friend she wants, Mikey. But not until then."

The younger Way nodded, bowing his head. He fingered the cell phone in his pocket but didn't pull it out. He was genuinely concerned for her health, but he knew he wouldn't say the right things. He was pissed that she hid her hospital stay from him and he knew he'd say something if it came up. No, he needed to breath before calling her. Nodding, he forced a smile at Ray before opening the door to rejoin the rest of the band. Ray slapped an encouraging hand on his shoulder, squeezing it as the entered the dressing room.

Lindsey had left so Gee had resumed listening to his iPod, his voice rising and falling as he half sung half hummed to the music. Taking the seat beside his brother, Mikey slouched back in the cushions; his eyes finding Frank as he strummed his guitar and flipped open a notebook, jotting something down. He let his eyes close for a second and sighed. He knew he had to let the situation breathe but he also wanted to make sure his best friend was okay. Making up his mind he pursed his lips and opened his eyes. He's worry about the rest of the tour and then think about Dominica. It was the only way he'd stay sane.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

As the weeks passed Dom found herself locked in her studio longer and longer just staring blankly at the half-painted canvas sitting in the middle of the living room. Her bucket of water awaited the paintbrushes and the pallet beside it remained devoid of the globs of paint she used to so eagerly splash on the plastic. Her paints remained shelved along the walls and her reference, the still life she'd so carefully placed beside her easel was now tipped over, the martini glass cracked and her toxic cocktail of pills strewn all over the floor. Her red-rimmed eyes scanned the room as she lay half sprawled on the couch in front of the easel, her sweater draped over the cushions. Sniffing she stared at the canvas, tapping her foot against the wood to a steady rhythm.

"You shouldn't just sit here and mope all the time," Nat's chipper tone interrupted her brooding and Dom shrugged.

"I thought I told you to stop bursting in like that," Dom glared at her roommate over the back of the couch.

Nat rolled her eyes, continuing her raid on the studio. She placed a grocery bag full to the brim with munchies on the counter before making her way across the room to pick up one of the many art magazines haphazardly tossed on the floor. She flipped through a few of the bent pages before beginning a pile on the floor beside the easel.

"Dom it's been forever. It's time to start living again."

The blonde placed her hands on her hips and sighed when Dom rolled her eyes and curled up into a ball, her sweater covering her bare legs.

"Leave me alone. Your perfection is making me sick to my stomach."

Scoffing, Nat slumped on the couch beside her. "No one is perfect, Dominica. Get over yourself and get the fuck up. Have you even talked to anyone but me since you got out of the hospital?"

"No."

"That's pathetic. I bet Darryl is expecting you back at work—"

"I quit."

"What?"

Dom sighed, keeping her eyes on the canvas as she explained herself. "I quit right after I was released. I can't go back there. Not like this. It's too much."

"Dom...I…what will you do?"

Shrugging, Dom crossed her arms over her chest and swept her arm behind her head, her hair tumbling over the side of the couch. "No idea."

Pulling out her phone, Nat jumped up from the couch, "No, you can't get like this. I'm calling Frank."

"Leave them out of this, Nattie." Dom followed, grabbing the phone out of her grip. "I don't need you guys babysitting me all the time. I'm a grown woman, I can make my own mistakes."

Holding her hand out, Nat shook her head, "No, I can't let you destroy yourself again. I refuse. Especially not because of the Way brothers."

"Natalie. Stay out of this."

"No."

"Nat," Dom warned but she swiped at the phone, nicking it from her roommate's grip before she could react. Dialing quickly she stuck out her tongue, dodging Dom's half assed attempt at taking the phone again. The line connected and Ray's voice greeted her with a chipper greeting.

"Hey Nat, Frank's outside signing still. He left his phone on the bus."

"It's alright, sweetie," the blonde smiled. "I have someone here who wants to talk to you."

"What?"

"Yeah, she's so eager to get you on the phone," Nat giggled as Dom pouted at her and flipped her off. "Dom, talk to Ray." She handed her the phone and tucked her hands in her pockets so Dom couldn't force her to take it back. With a teasing smile Nat watched Dom cautiously hold the phone to her ear.

"Ray?"

He smiled at the soft tone of her voice, "Yeah, it's me. How are you? I heard you were in the hospital for a bit. I hope you're doing okay."

Tears welled in Dom's eyes at the genuine concern in his voice and she sniffed. "I was…sick…but I'm doing a little better now. I miss you guys. When will you be back around here?"

"Unfortunately not for a while," he frowned.

"Damn, I could use a Fro hug," she smiled and he chuckled, the sound soothing on her ears.

"Well… we do have a few days off coming up. I wasn't planning on heading back to the East Coast but if you ask nicely I might be able to rearrange my travel plans…" his voice trailed off.

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, Dom grinned and nodded. "Please? I need to see someone. I'm going through My Chem withdrawal. It's horrible." Her smile widened when he laughed and she sank back on the couch and pulled her knees to her chest. "Seriously, Ray, we need to schedule my next guitar lesson. If you take off for too long I'm gonna forget everything you've taught me."

"Don't say that."

"I tried writing a bit yesterday and I could barely remember anything. You're gonna have to fix that mister," Dom teased.

Nat watched the conversation from the kitchen with a smirk. She leaned her hip against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. The glow in Dom's eyes just talking to Ray sparked her interest and the smirk turned into a mischievous grin. Turning to the bag of groceries she'd planted on the counter she began unpacking them, keeping her ears sharp to the conversation her roommate was still engrossed with.

"Well since you asked so nicely I'll see what I can do about your withdrawal. I'm sure I can spare at least a day to refresh your guitar skills," Ray assured Dom as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

"Awesome. I have something to look forward to now," Dom grinned. "How are the rest of the boys?" She asked hesitantly, bracing herself for the reply.

Ray cleared his throat; the tensions suddenly thick even through the phone. He ran a finger over the collar of his shirt and sighed, "Frank's good, energetic as always and Mikey started a project on his own. I think he's going to try his hand at writing another comic…."

"And Gee?" Dom pressed even though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer. She pulled her lip into her mouth again, this time chewing it until she tasted blood.

"Um, well, he's been hanging out with this chick Lindsey a lot. She's pretty cool. He seems to be doing well but… you know, I guess he's moving on? That's probably not what you want to hear but…. I don't want to lie to you, Dom."

"No, no, I'm glad you're not beating around the bush. I hate that." She smiled. "Is he happy?"

"Yeah. Seems it."

"Then that's all that matters," Dom rested her head back on the armrest, fighting the sudden rush of emotion attacking her eyes. She bit down on her lip and blinked furiously.

"Dom, are you sure you're okay?" Ray cut through her silent struggle and she took a staggering breath.

"I will be. I just… No. I'm not." She caved, the breath rushing from her lungs in a long sigh.

"I hate that I can't be around to help you, sweetie."

"It's not your burden," she shook her head, tangling a hand in her hair. "I just need to let this shit go, you know? It's hard."

"Yeah. Chin up, babe, you'll get the hang of it. I know you will."

"Thanks, Ray," she smiled, sniffing and blinking the feelings away. "I can't wait to see you."

"I can't wait to see you too," he chuckled. "Frank's back, you want to talk to him?"

"No, but I'm sure Nat wants to talk to him," she glanced up, seeing Nat across the room with her hands on her hips, a mischievous gleam in her eye. Drawing her eyebrows together, Dom frowned as Ray ended their conversation. "Nat, Frankie."

The blonde instantly jogged to the phone, her expression forgotten as she stepped out of the studio to talk to her boyfriend. As the door closed behind her Dom sat up, bracing her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She took a few slow breaths to ease her nerves and scratched her head, trying to ease her mind.

Gerard was moving on. If he could, so could she. Couldn't she? Shaking her head she pushed the questions out of her mind and stared at the messy studio. She'd rather just not feel or think anything, let it disappear into the numbness she preferred. Yeah, she wanted numb. Feeling hurt too much. Scanning the room her eyes fell on a white speck by the coffee table. Narrowing her eyes she leaned forward, snatching it off the floor to study the little pill. She licked her lips readying to pop it in her mouth when Nat reappeared, the heavy door banging open as she skipped through with an excited squeal.

"They're visiting in three days!" she chirped, tossing her phone on the counter as she returned to the kitchen. "Dommie, three days!"

Tucking the tiny pill into her pocket Dom swiveled around on the couch to watch Nat pull a pack of Coke from the bag and slide it beside the fridge. "That's great!"

"Frankie's coming back and Ray said he'd tag along. You must be excited."

"Thrilled."

Pausing, Nat folded the last bag and slid it away from her. Her arms snaked across her chest and she rested her hip against the counter. "You like him don't you?"

"What?"

"Ray, you're crushing on him," she pressed and Dom's jaw dropped.

"I don't think I'm capable of any type of emotion in that direction, Natalie," she said flatly. "He's my friend and he's there for me but I can't see him like that. Not after all that shit with Gee and Mikey. That would just be fucked up."

"I think you like him," Nat ignored her and moved away from the kitchen. "Now let's go we're going out tonight. You need to stop moping and start living again. Let's go!"

Dom watched the blonde skip up the stairs, her mouth hanging open as the sound of her wardrobe opening echoed through the studio. Nat popped her head over the side of the loft with a frown when Dom didn't move and clapped her hands.

"Dominica, move your buns!"

With a groan, Dom rolled off the couch, slouching slowly toward the stairs. "Fine, but I swear to god anything bad happens tonight you owe me big time, blondie."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

"I can't believe I let you drag me out again," Dom grumbled, tapping the side of her glass of Coke. The sweat running down the sides pooled around her fingers so she pulled them away, tracing patterns on the table between her and her roommate.

"Believe it," Nat winked at her and smiled. "That guy over there is eyeing you up. Hardcore," she leaned forward and nodded toward the far corner of the bar.

Heaving a sigh, Dom glanced across the room and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because he knows me, dumbass."

"What?"

"He works for Luke, Nat," she groaned. "I told you, he's got guys everywhere. That's Kurt."

Before Dom could say anymore Nat was gathering her things, sliding out of the booth, her expression less than pleased. "Come on, we're going somewhere else."

"What's the point? Wherever we go, someone will be there. It's just how it works with that scene," Dom leaned forward over her glass, resting her elbows on the table. "Just sit and ignore him."

"Fine," Nat plopped back down with a huff. "But if he comes over here for anything I'm going to slap the eyes out of his face."

Unable to help the smile spreading across her lips, Dom reached across the table and pulled her roomie's hand into hers. "And I'll love you forever for that. But if we're here to have fun let's just have fun, okay? Don't worry about my dirty laundry."

"Okay."

As the bar slowly began to fill for the night and the music turned up Dom found herself actually having a good time. For a few hours she let herself go. Bobbing to the beat as she sat she felt uplifted from all the depressing shit that weighed her down. Nat's gradual drunkenness gave her something else to focus on. The blonde finally stood up as the small dance area began to fill and she held her hand out, the other occupied by a blue drink sloshing in a martini glass.

"Come on baby, let's dance," she winked, pulling Dom to her feet.

"Only for a little while," she laughed, letting her be dragged through the swaying mass of people until they were squished in the middle between two very tall very aggressive looking guys. Nat quickly adsorbed herself in the music, raising her arms over her head and letting her body do the talking as she found the rhythm in the rock music. Unable to help herself Dom draped an arm around Nat's waist to avoid any physical contact with unwanted men and the two danced together, Dom even letting a genuine smile drift across her features as Nat belted out the words to each song.

"This would be so much better if it were a concert," Nat yelled a few songs later as the music shifted from rock to a poppy remix.

"Yeah," Dom quietly agreed flinching when a hand drifted down her thigh. "I think I'm done for tonight."

"What?"

Tugging her arm, Dom tried to maneuver Nat from the middle of the fray to their booth with little avail as hands settled on her waist, encouraging her to dance.

"No, I'm done, let me out," Dom frowned, trying to push the guy off her as Nat returned to her flail-like dancing.

"One more song, baby, come on," the guys behind her groaned but she ignored him, trying her best to navigate around the bodies crunched around her. As she reached the edge she took a long deep breath to calm her nerves and slumped into the booth, taking a long sip from her half empty Coke. Keeping her eyes peeled for Nat she glanced at her cell phone, frowning at the "1New Text Message" on her screen. Opening it her frown deepened when she read the short note from Gerard.

'Been thinking about you a lot. Call me.'

"Right, like you want to talk to me now," she grumbled, her eyes flicking back to the dance floor where Nat had finally made her way to the edge and stumbled toward her with a silly grin on her face.

"You want another drink? I need some water."

"Yeah, please," Dom nodded as she stumbled away again. Taking the moment she moved toward the front of the bar and slipped outside, dialing the number she never thought she'd dial for a long time.

"I didn't think you'd actually call me back," his voice sent a shiver through her and she let out a scoff.

"I wanted to know why all of a sudden you wanted to hear from me. I understand you're doing well without me," she bit out, he tone hollow and cold.

"Dom, come on, we both needed to cool off and you know that," Gerard replied, his tone sharp and defensive. "I was just respecting Mikey and he was right, I needed to realize that what we were doing was toxic to both of us."

Biting back the instant anger roiling in her stomach she took a long breath in through her nose. "You said you loved me."

"And I do, just not like that anymore."

"You know what… This was a mistake. I'm hanging up," Dom pulled the phone away from her only for Gerard to yell out before she could end it.

"No, wait don't. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about!"

"Then get to the point, I can't do this right now," she chewed the inside of her lip and tucked her hand in the pocket of her jeans. Her fingers fumbled with a small lump hidden in the cloth and she froze, pulling out the small white pill. She rolled it in her fingers, ignoring Gerard's voice as she focused on the tiny thing.

"Dom?"

"Hmm." she hummed into the receiver.

"Did you hear me?"

"Hmm?" she returned her focus to the conversation, stuffing the pill back into her pocket.

"I said I'm coming back to Jersey with Ray and Frank when they fly out."

"Oh."

"Are you okay with that?"

"What does my opinion matter?" she mumbled, kicking a few rocks around the sidewalk.

His sigh filled her ear and she fought the urge to laugh. "Because I want to see you. You know, to work this shit out."

"Right, like that's gonna go over well. Mikey might as well come too so he can brood at me from across the room. We'll just turn this into a fucking party why don't we."

"Don't be like that."

"I'll be how I want," she snapped defiantly. "But if you want to fly out, go ahead. And if all four of you end up in Jersey, cool, we'll have a chance to hang out. I promise to not bring my depressing baggage with me."

"Stop it—"

"No, Gee, I'm glad you can just leave me here and move on but I can't, okay? I'm still suffering. It might be my fault that I can't snap out of it, I don't know. But I'm still here and I'm still trying to move on. For christ's sake Mikey still hasn't even called me," she sniffed, pacing in front of the bar, "and I really didn't want to get worked up about this right now."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I'll let you go. I guess I'll see you in a couple days."

"Fine."

"Bye, Sugar."

Dom froze. Her heart did a few back flips in her chest as the line disconnected and she slumped back against the wall of the building. She let her weight pull her to the ground and leaned her head back. He'd called her Sugar. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

"God damn it," she breathed into the night.

"You can say that again," a voice interrupted her emotional spiral and she jumped, nearly dropping her phone. The silhouette of a man stepped over her and she stiffened as he moved closer.

"Do I know you?" Dom squinted into the dark. He chuckled and stepped into the light. Dom's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and she tried to scramble to her feet only for him to pull her swiftly and pin her against the brick.

"Yeah, you do, sweetie. You should've let that pretty little blonde piece leave when she tried," Kurt smirked down at her, his arm digging into her collarbone.

"Get the fuck off me," Dom choked, pushing at his arm and managing to push him away enough for her to correctly right herself. "If I disappear that 'little blonde piece' will have the cops trailing your ass until you stay in jail this time, prick." She snapped, spitting into his face.

He wiped it away, his hazel eyes darkening as she tried to wriggle away from him. "That's alright the man who wants to see you is right down that alley. I got your girl covered while your gone. I think she's good and trashed by now," he checked his watch with a cocky laugh. "You better run along before you get us both in trouble with the boss," he pointed down the block.

Backing away from her he dug his knuckles into the small of her back, pushing her down the street. Rolling her eyes she dodged a few swaying patrons of the other bars lining the street and glared over her shoulder at Kurt who stood watching, arms crossed over his chest.

"Just fucking great," she mumbled to herself, taking off down the block. She tucked the phone into her pocket and peered into the alley her heart pounding in her ears at the sight of a black Escalade parked by the dumpsters toward the end of the darkened space. A window rolled down as Dom approached and Luke smirked at her before the back door swung open and she was tugged into the backseat.

"Fucking Christ!" she yelped, settling into the leather as Luke reached over her to close it.

"Nice to see you again, Dommie," he winked at her, flexing his arms as he stretched them along the back of the seats.

"Right," she offered a tight-lipped snarl and scooted up against the door, feeling the locks click at her movement. "What do you want? I told you I'm done with this shit, Luke."

"Not from where I stand," he leaned toward her forcing her to shy even closer to the door.

"Stay back," she held her arm out, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible. She studied his eyes and frowned. For once he wasn't blasted and the focused malice in his gaze sent her nerves on end. His laugh filled the car and he ignored her weak warning, sliding up so their thighs were pressed together. He eased his arm around her shoulders, pressing her hard against him and buried his nose in her hair.

"God you smell delicious," he breathed, his hands squeezing her shoulder tightly. "My favorite shampoo. That peachy stuff you always use."

Squirming, Dom tried to create some space between them only for Luke to squeeze her tighter, his free hand wrapping around her wrists to keep her still.

"Don't get so antsy, baby, we've got all night," he whispered, his voice husky as Dom tried to wriggle her way out of his grip.

"Let go of me!"

"Don't have that pussy Ray to protect you this time, do you?" he growled in her ear. "Do you?"

"Fuck you!" she spat trying to maneuver herself to use her knees for protection. All she managed was an awkwardly twisted position and an ever more pissed off Luke. With more grace than she knew he could even muster he twisted, pulling her into the middle seat and hovering above her, her arms pinned at her sides by his thick thighs.

"Stop this," Dom hissed, looking him square in the eyes. "Just let me go. I'm sick of this shit."

"You know I can't do that, baby," he leaned close to her face, his nose gently brushing her throat. She stiffened as his lips grazed her skin sending a chill of disgust through her. Her stomach lurched when he nipped her neck and let out a pleasure filled groan. "Mmm, you taste so good."

"Stop, Luke," she muttered, trying her damndest to keep the shake from her voice.

"No," he lowered his weight on her, keeping her in the seat. His hands gradually found their way her chest, cupping her breasts through her shirt. Tensing Dom squeezed her eyes closed.

"Why are you doing this," she asked, her voice losing its force. "Why, Luke?"

"If that pipsqueak singer can have you, then why can't I?" He pushed her arms up so her hands rested behind her head. Holding her wrists with one hand he clawed at the button on her jeans.

"I'm not with him anymore!" she screamed. "Get off me!"

"Then you're mine again. I can do what I want with you," he laughed. "Come here."

Pushing her pants roughly he wedged his hand between her thighs. He let out a harsh bark of laughter as she kept her legs clenched tightly together. "Oh, you're always so fun to play with," he breathed in her ear, snaking his tongue out to lick the lobe. "So fun."

Keeping her mouth closed tightly and her legs closed tighter she stared at the ceiling of the car, praying for a distraction. Some god up high must have heard her desperate please for a fist landed hard on the window forcing Luke to snap back and bump his head on the roof.

"Fuck!" he roared, practically kicking the car door open. Kurt looked pissed on the other side. "What?"

"Her roommate's looking for her. She called the cops when Pete wouldn't let her head this way."

"Damn it! Get in the car we're leaving."

Dom yanked her pants up over her legs as Luke leaned around the door. Moving as quick as she could she swung her legs up, kicking the door hard so Luke stumbled forward far enough that she had space to jump out of the back seat. Breathing heavily she ran for the end of the alley, letting out a yelp when she crashed into a police officer. He held her steady as the truck barreled out of the alley behind her, grabbing his walkie to report the license plate as it sped away.

"Are you all right?" he asked as Dom wriggled out of his grip. Pushing her hair form her face she took a few seconds to gather herself before looking into the concerned blue eyes of the officer.

"I'm fine. He tried to sexually assault me but I got away before he could do anything. I just want him to leave me alone," she hiccupped, leaning on the wall.

"There you are!" Nat's drunken slur broke the emotional tension, the blonde stumbling over. "I thought something happened."

Sniffing and combing her fingers in her hair she bowed her head to calm her nerves. "Something did happen, Nat. He fucking tried to touch me again. I'm so sick of this."

"Oh sweetie," Nat pulled her roommate into a tight hug, the smell of booz roiling Dom's stomach. Shoving her away Dom quickly stumbled away, vomiting in the street. Falling to her knees she heaved air into her lungs and curled up on the sidewalk.

"I think you two should come with me to the station. I need statements outlining what just happened and why," the officer stepped forward indicating his cruiser and helping a stumbling Nat to the open door. Dom groaned and let him help her up and into the backseat. When he slid into the driver's seat and started the cruiser Dom leaned forward.

"I'll tell you whatever you need to know. Just make him stop," she pleaded. "I'm so tired of this."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"That officer called," Nat shuffled into the living room where Dom sat staring at her massive pile of sketchbooks all cluttered with loose papers and pencils scattered in front of her.

"Oh?"

"He said there's a restraining order and if he violates it they'll haul his ass in and lock him up." Nat slid into the chair beside her and Dom nodded.

"Are you okay sweetie?" she rested her hand on top of Dom's and rubbed it gently.

Shaking her head, she pushed her hair away from her face and sighed. "No, I'm not but I'll get over it. I just want to be alone."

Nat's lips pinched together into a thin line and she nodded, "Okay. If you need me I'll be in my room getting ready for bed."

"Yup," Dom nodded and turned back to her mess of paper. She flipped the one closest to her open before looking down at the abandoned bowl of cereal in front of her. She didn't want food or comfort or to talk to anyone. She didn't even want to be alone with herself in the quiet apartment.

It had only been a few hours since her return home from the police station but she still couldn't find it in her to fall asleep. She glanced around at the apartment and shook her head. Turning her gaze back to the table her eyes fell on the sketchbook she'd opened, the first open page a mess of scribbles and scrawling she'd done during her days of recovery. Her eyes caught a particular scribble on a bent corner of the page and she narrowed her eyes, pulling the book toward her. The messy handwriting belonged to Bob Bryar, his cell phone number barely discernible beneath an old doodle Gerard had drawn after borrowing the book.

"Bob," she muttered to the empty room. "Oh my God, Bob!"

Shoving her cereal away, Dom pulled her cell phone from her pocket and lit the screen. She hesitated at the sight of Mikey and Gerard's numbers both saved as favorites on the front screen. Swallowing, she hit the contact button and scrolled until she found Bob's number. Silently she prayed he still had hers saved.

"Hello?" his low voice greeted her mid ring and she let out a sigh of relief that he'd answered.

"Bob!"

"Who is this?" came his harsh reply and she cleared her throat.

"The artist formerly known as Dominica," she bit back a smile.

"Dom! Wow, it's been so long, how are you?" the recognition in his voice relieved her and she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and shrugged a shoulder.

"Not so good, man. Not so good. But how are you? What have you been up to?" she tried to brighten the conversation, avoiding the massive amount of depressing she didn't want to think about.

"I'm back doing sound and stuff. You know, same old."

"Still making noise on those drums?" she teased and he chuckled.

"Yeah, still making noise on the drums. Just on a smaller scale now."

"I know I can't convince you to come back but we miss you Bob," she muttered, scooping up a spoonful of cereal and taking a bite, frowning at how soggy it had gotten.

"Dom, can we not," he started and she complied, letting him change the subject. "So what brings you to dig out my number after so long?"

Her hand froze over the cereal bowl and she dropped the spoon in it, a few drops of milk splashing over the side. Shoving her fingers in her hair, Dom sighed before speaking. "It's kind of complicated…" she hedged.

"Let me guess, you did something to piss off Mikey or Gee and they're not speaking to you and you're afraid they never will? How many times have we gone through this? What did you do, get high?"

Dom had to bite back a laugh at his tone. If it were anyone other than Bob she would've hung up on him. But he was just being Bob. Blunt, uncensored Bob. "No, I've been sober for a little while, Bob. But it's worse than that."

"Oh Christ."

"I've been sleeping with Gee behind Mikey's back and it turns out Mikey had feelings for me and then Luke came back it's just a clusterfuck," she said, squinting in preparation for the verbal ass kicking. Instead, she received laughter. Stunned, she did her best impression of a dying fish, her lips opening and closing as Bob's laughter rippled from the phone. She pulled it away from her face and stared at it, only returning it to her ear when he sobered.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have laughed but, damn," he chuckled and she scowled.

"Wow, thanks Bob. Making me feel so much better," she said, her tone flat.

"Stop being so fucking touchy," he reprimanded her. "Just let them have their space. Mikey's always been the forgiving type, he just needs to cool off for a while. Even I can tell you he'll forgive you. The moment Gee introduced you to him he was head over heels in love with you so don't worry about it."

"That's what I was afraid of," she grumbled, pushing the cereal bowl away and paging through the sketchbook. "I can't live up to his expectations."

Bob chuckled again, "Women amaze me."

"Why?"

"You're so hard on yourselves about everything. You made a mistake, Dom. Everybody makes them. I'm sure you had a valid reason too. You went through hell trying to get sober, so did Gerard. You share that common bond so of course something might happen. Don't beat yourself up trying to be the woman Mikey wants you to be, especially if you never wanted to be with him in the first place. Or did you?"

Pressing her hand to her face, Dom sighed and shrugged. She'd never thought about it. She never gave him a chance.

"I have no idea. Just want this shit to stop. I feel like I can't even move without hurting someone or screwing something up. I just want to stop hurting people."

The line remained silent for a while, the only sound being Bob's breathing, a steady whoosh of air over the receiver. Dom bit her lip, her palm still pressed to her face as she waited for his response.

"My advice is to just let them do their thing on tour and don't worry about them so much. You're letting all this bullshit get to you, babe. Just take a breather."

"I miss you," she blurted with a laugh. "Come back to Jersey, Bob. I need your honesty."

"You could always come to Chi-town and pay me a visit. I haven't seen you in forever."

The two laughed and Dom chewed the inside of her cheek. "That's actually a good idea. What if I just disappeared for a while? Clear my head and come back fresh. Would you mind?"

He sighed and Dom crossed her fingers hopefully, her eyes wide.

"Why the hell not. Text me when you get a ticket and how long you plan on staying. I think I can hook you up at my place."

The grin spread across her face and she squealed, "Thank you so much! God, I wish I could hug you right now!"

"Relax," came his calm reply but she was already rolling, her excitement getting the better of her. Bob tried to keep up with her thrilled rambling but he lost hope after a few minutes. He could hear her shuffling around, something dropping with a bang and she paused, the line going quiet again.

"Dom?"

"Bob," she whispered.

"What?"

"You can't tell Gee or Mikey or any of them."

"Wasn't planning on it, sweetie."

"Promise me!" her voice remained low in a whisper.

Grinning, Bob whispered back, "I promise."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Gerard couldn't sit still. During the entire six-hour flight from LA to New York all he did was fidget. Not even his iPod helped with the nerves as he stared out the window from his middle seat beside Mikey and tapped his fingers against his knees. On his other side Ray was jotting something in a notebook and bobbing his head to whatever he was listening to. Heaving a sigh, Gerard tried to get comfortable only for Mikey to nudge him in the gut and glare.

"Ow! What the fuck?" he hissed and Mikey pulled his headphones away from his ears.

"Stop fucking moving, you're driving me insane." Mikey scowled at him.

"I can't help it. This plane is too fucking small and I can't get comfortable," he complained.

Mikey rolled his eyes and returned his headphones to his ears with a shake of his head. Ray chuckled and Gerard shot him a glare but was just ignored as Ray returned to his writing. Peeking over his shoulder he saw that the guitarist was writing out plans for a song he thought they'd decided to scrap.

"Am I entertaining you?" Ray asked and Gerard slid back into his seat looking guilty.

"Sorry, I was just curious," he muttered, staring at his hands.

Ray laughed again and tossed the notebook onto his lap, "I know we wanted to scrap this but it's been bugging me so I decided to try my hand at writing a few parts."

Nodding, Gerard picked it up and studied the notes; "I'd love to hear it when we get home."

"I was going to teach it to Dom for her next lesson." Ray took back the notebook and closed it.

Gerard's face tensed at the mention of Dom. Yeah, he'd been trying to keep away from her but she was always in the back of his mind. He worried about her all the time. He even reconsidered visiting her on this trip back to the East Coast but he knew if he didn't show up it would turn out for the worse.

"When are you meeting up with her for her lesson?" he asked casually.

"Hopefully today after we get settled," Ray said, fiddling with the notebook cover. "I told her I'd call when we got in."

"Can I come with you?"

The question came out like a pleading whisper than anything and it made him cringe. Ray just laughed.

"Yeah, sure. I'm hitching a ride with Frank cuz he wants to see Nat. I have no idea what Mikey's up to though." Glancing at his little brother who had his head turned out the window, Gerard shrugged.

" I dunno what's going on with him. He's been a bit off lately."

"You know I can hear you," came his quiet reply.

"Oh, sorry."

Mikey turned to look at his band mates, his face flat. "I don't know what I'm doing yet. But I want to see Dom and Nat as much as you guys do. I have to talk to Dom anyway. I don't like being on bad terms. You know."

The two nodded quietly and the overhead speakers crackled to life. Their eyes lifted to the ceiling and the muffled voice of the captain reverberated through the plane.

"If you'll return your seat backs to their upright position, I've turned on the seatbelt light. We'll be landing within the next fifteen minutes."

"It's about fucking time," Gerard muttered under his breath and clipped his seatbelt in place. He still couldn't sit still, but he fidgeted a bit les as the plane went into it's decent toward New York City.

* * *

><p>"Dom, get up! We have to go!" Nat's frantic voice interrupted Dom's nap and she groaned, not opening her eyes.<p>

"You just interrupted a really good dream," she grumbled and stretched.

Nearly rolling off the couch, Dom rolled onto her back and braced herself as Nat grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"Get up! Come on!"

This time she actually opened her eyes and frowned, "Why?"

"We have to pick up the guys from the airport! Remember? Frank's little plan?" Nat grabbed Dom's hand and pulled, dragging her off the couch. "Go brush your teeth and your hair and let's go!"

"Calm down, bitch," Dom stuck her tongue out, shuffling slowly toward the bathroom to do as she was told. Turning on the sink she stuck her toothbrush in her mouth and paused, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She looked like a character out of a Tim Burton film, her eyes heavily shadowed without any make up and her skin pale and sallow. Tilting her head to the side she breathed in through her nose and placed her hands on her hips. She didn't feel sick.

"Blegh," she grumbled and finished brushing her teeth, spitting the toothpaste down the drain. She quickly brushed her hair, leaving it down and glanced down at her baggy t-shirt and sweatpants.

"You don't have time to change, let's go!" Nat made the decision for her and she sighed and rolled her eyes, trudging back out into the living room where Nat stood waiting, dressed in a pretty green dress with her short hair curled around her face. She looked like a glowing angel compared to her grungy mess of an ensemble but at that point Dom couldn't care less.

"Here, it's kind of chilly," Nat tossed her a jacket and Dom dutifully pulled it on, feeling a little bit better about her appearance since the pea coat looked a bit more sophisticated.

* * *

><p>"So who's picking us up again?" Gerard asked as the band made their way as stealthy as possible through the airport, all four of them sporting sunglasses and hoods to cover their faces.<p>

"You'll see," Frank grinned beside him and shouldered his backpack. "They're by a side exit with security so we don't get mobbed."

"Good," Mikey sighed, finding his luggage and pulling it off the conveyor belt. Gerard did the same and the group followed Frank through the various terminals. After a while Frank pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number, his face lighting up when whoever it was answered and he stopped to look around.

"I don't see you," he grumbled and did a three sixty, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Frank!" came a high-pitched squeal and Gerard spun around just as a blonde barreled past him and into Frank's arms.

"Nat?" Ray reacted first and she squealed again and pulled away from her boyfriend.

"Surprise!" she waved with a giggle. "We wanted to be the first to see you this time so Frank called me before you landed.

"Is D—" Mikey began but his unasked question was answered when Dom sidled up to them, her long hair loose and long around her shoulders, her bangs covering one of her eyes. Gerard stared as she offered them a meek wave and shoved her hands in her pockets. Even though she looked sick and exhausted she still radiated beauty to him. He had to fight the urge to run his fingers through her hair and looked down at his sneakers before he did anything stupid. After so long he forgot how strong his attraction to her was. It was like a magnetic pull that he had to use all of his strength to fight off.

"Dom!" Ray scooped her into a hug and she deflated, squeezing him back with a small smile.

"Hey, Ray," she muttered into his shoulder and Gerard's eyes snapped back to her. He missed that voice. Her throaty alto that never ceased to send shivers through him.

"You look good," Ray commented and her cheeks flushed.

"Yeah, right," she pushed a chunk of hair behind her ear. "Hey Frank." She turned to him and he hugged her quickly before her eyes fell on him and Mikey. The awkward silence stretched between the three for a minute before Mikey stepped forward and opened his arms.

"It's really good to see you," he smiled and she stepped into his embrace. Her eyes were swimming with tears this time and he watched as she turned her face toward his neck. The two stayed locked in the hug for a while and Gerard felt himself getting antsy again. It was his turn. He fought with himself, trying not to rip her away from his brother and kiss her until their lips were sore. Instead he glanced down at his shoes again and listened. She was crying.

"Shh, don't cry," Mikey whispered as her muffled sob filled the quiet between them.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed and pulled back. "I just… there's so much to say." She swiped at her eyes and Mikey nodded.

"Yeah, about that," he shifted uncomfortably.

"Later," she finished for him and he silently agreed. And then it was Gerard's turn. Finally. Dom turned to him and he looked up at her. Her eyes watered again and he offered her a crooked smile.

"Hey Sugar," he muttered and she burst into tears. Unable to stop himself, he wrapped her in a tight hug, pressing his lips to her cheek as she sobbed into his jacket.

"I hate you," she blubbered and he laughed, burying his face in her hair. She still smelled so good. That sweet scent of her skin mixed with the peachy smell of her shampoo. He never realized how much he missed it.

"I know," he whispered and she squeezed him against her, her warmth filling him up as she pressed herself against his body. He instantly responded, his body hardening as her hips came in contact with his. He felt his face flush and tried to think about anything to prevent a situation from happening in the middle of the airport. Dom's nails dug into his back and her tears fell against his neck, her breath brushing over his skin in hot bursts.

"I hate you so much."

He chuckled awkwardly as the guys tried not to watch their moment. Frank had turned his attention his girlfriend, their lips locked in a quick kiss while Mikey and Ray stared at anything but the awkwardness happening with him and Dom. Clearing his throat, Gerard gave Dom one last squeeze and she stepped away from him and wiped her eyes.

"Sorry guys," she shrugged. "I didn't mean to go all emotional the second you showed up. Just kind of happened."

"It's all good, Pumpkin." Frank winked at her and she flipped him off. He giggled and Nat grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the exit they'd been searching for. Dom sighed and stuffed her hands in her pockets, following close beside Ray as they left the airport and piled into Nat's truck.

The ride into Jersey was quiet, the only sounds being the music turned low on the radio. Dom sat with her feet propped on the dashboard, her fingers tapping on the window as she concentrated on the music. Occasionally she'd glance in the side mirror where she could see Gerard clearly, his hair whipping in the wind and his headphones on. The corner of her mouth pulled up and butterflies erupted in her stomach. Every so often their eyes would meet and she'd quickly glance away, blushing.

"We'll see you guys in a few hours, okay?" Frank broke the silence when Nat pulled up to his house.

"Sounds good," Nat chirped, kissing him through the car window. Dom watched as Frank's hand slid to the back of Nat's head, pulling her into the kiss to make it deeper. She felt intrusive just watching the sweet moment and her eyes shifted to Gerard again as he stood a few paces away, his bags stacked around his feet. He smirked at her and she blushed again.

"A couple hours then," Frank spoke and Dom watched him peck Nat's lips again and step away from the car. Her roommate slowly rolled up the window and waited for the four to troop into Frank's house before pulling away from the curb.

"What's happening in a few hours?" Dom asked as they got on the highway back to New York.

"You'll see," was all the blonde let on, the car descending into silence as they drove back to their apartment.

Two hours later, Dom stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body before grabbing another one to towel off her hair. Humming to herself she opened the door, stepping out into the hallway only to freeze at the sight of Gerard making his way down the hall. Her entire body erupted in goose bumps and her hand snapped to the towel, making sure it was secure around her. She could feel her face flaming with heat and she stropped toweling her hair when he took a step toward her, averting his eyes.

"Sorry, Nat sent me back to grab paper towels out of the hall closet."

"She was setting you up, babe. Sneaky bitch," Dom grumbled and crossed her arms over her chest. "You can look at me. It's not like you haven't seen me butt ass naked before."

He laughed and his eyes slowly found hers again. She felt her cheeks flush but ignoring the embarrassment, she draped her hair towel over her shoulder and continued to her bedroom, nudging the door open with her knee and stepping into her space. She tried her damndest to seem nonchalant as Gerard followed her and leaned against the doorframe. Pulling open her underwear drawer she pushed her clothes around before finding a nice black lacey pair just to be a tease. She could feel his eyes on her as she bent forward, slipping the underwear on under her towel before finding a bra.

"You might want to shut the door if you're gonna creep at me," she said over her shoulder and he laughed.

"Sorry, I forgot how distracting you are," he stepped into the room and kicked the door closed with his foot.

Turning to him, Dom crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip, tapping her bare foot against the wood floor. "So we're just gonna ignore the huge pink elephant in the room, then?"

She watched him take a few steps toward her and sink down onto her bed. His hair fell in his face when he leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. "I don't know what you want me to say."

A flare of rage flashed in her eyes but she pushed it away and tightened the towel around her. "How about acknowledge the fact that you fucking told me you loved me and then didn't call or talk to me for weeks! And then I hear you're seeing that chick from MSI? How about an explanation for starters."

The guilt in his eyes made her throat tight and he played with his hands for a second before looking up at her, "I'm sorry. I just thought some space would help us out. We've been sneaking around for so long and Mikey refused to look at me. I thought not speaking for a while would cool us off. Lindsey was just visiting. She's an old friend."

"I still hate you," she shook her head and turned her back to him, letting the towel pool at her feet as she slipped the bra up her arms and clasped it at her back. Gerard couldn't help but watch her as she pulled open another drawer and tug on a pair of skinny jeans and a black blouse. She turned around as she finished buttoning it, a bit of cleavage showing as she clasped a silver necklace around her neck and combed her fingers through her hair.

"I thought after a while my feelings would calm down but seeing you now just makes me want to rekindle the fire," he breathed before he could stop himself and Dom let out a dark laugh.

"I think I'm beyond wanting a sexual relationship right now, Gee."

He cocked his head to the side, "Why?"

"You don't want to know," she tried to brush it off but Gerard wasn't having it. As she moved to the door to rejoin Nat in the living room he grabbed her arm and stopped her, concerned.

"Yes, I do, Dominica."

Her eyes drifted to the floor but she didn't move to tug her arm from his grip. Swallowing hard she looked anywhere but in his imploring hazel eyes. "It's Luke," she whispered. "He tried to harass me again. I got a restraining order but I don't think it's enough so…. I'm leaving."

"Leaving? Where?" the frantic hint in his voice broke her heart and she finally looked up at him.

"I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I just need to get away for a while. I need to move on and I can't when I'm stuck in a rut here. It will help both of us. I can't be stuck on you and you can't be stuck on me. It's dangerous for me to be so attached to one person. I can't do that to you or Mikey."

Gerard let her arm free and tucked his hands in the pockets of his own skinny jeans, "I understand, but that doesn't mean I like this one bit."

Offering a smile, Dom leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, "I do love you, Gee. But I don't think we were ever meant to work out."

Gerard refused to admit that. She held something over him that he just didn't understand. But if she wanted to leave New York, it was her life. He couldn't stop her from moving away just like she couldn't stop him from going on tour. It was only fair. Heaving a sigh, Gerard nodded and opened her bedroom door waiting for her to step into the hall before following her out into the living room where Frank, Mikey, Ray and Nat sat waiting.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Dom stirred the Shirley Temple sitting in front of her and tried to keep her eyes on the table. She placed a finger over the end of her straw and brought the other end to her mouth lifting her finger away from the top and drinking what was trapped in the straw. She repeated this three more times before Nat slapped her hand down on the table in frustration.

"Dom, I swear to god you do that again I will smack you."

Frank giggled beside her and Dom glanced at him only to receive an encouraging wink. She rolled her eyes and stuck the straw back in her drink. Beside her Ray flipped through his menu and Mikey and Gerard sat quietly, Gerard tearing apart his napkin.

"So, about that guitar lesson," Ray smiled and placed his menu on the table. Dom shrugged and took another sip of her soda.

"What about it?"

"You want to try a bit when we head back to your place? I brought the acoustic."

Dom smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, "You're so focused, Ray," she breathed. "Yes. That would be nice. I miss making noise on the guitar."

"Great," he nudged her gently and she grinned, turning her face so her chin rested on his shoulder.

"Ray, your fro smells great," she commented, not really thinking about what she was saying. Her cheeks flushed when he laughed and she pulled away. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. Thanks though," he chuckled.

Dom finished off her drink and glanced around for a waitress. When she couldn't find one she pushed her glass toward Mikey and he glared at her.

"What's with the puss, Mikes?" She asked with a playful smile. "No need to be so blue all the time."

"Why are you so bubbly all of a sudden?" He asked and she shrugged.

"Dunno. I think it's the sugar," she smiled again. She glanced down at her place and pulled a chunk of hair between her fingers, studying the ends when their waitress returned to take their orders. When she flounced away again Mikey stood up and sighed.

"Listen, I can't ignore this anymore. Dom, can I talk to you?"

Stunned and relieved, she nodded, scooting out of the booth with Ray and following Mikey toward the front of the restaurant. When they were safely outside he pulled her around the side of the building for privacy and leaned up against the wall. Dom eyed him with a smirk until he looked at her, a determined set in his jaw.

"What's bugging you?" she asked softly, her rush of bubbly disappearing.

"Everything. How can you just pretend nothing is going on?"

She gaped at him. "Mikey, I'm not. I know it's there I'm just trying to enjoy a night out with my closest friends. Yeah there's still shit but I've missed you guys and I just want to have a nice time. You have no idea how fucked up things have been since you went on tour."

She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and stuck one between her lips. Mikey frowned as she lit it and took a long drag. The curls of smoke filtered through her nose and she sighed, another rush of smoke leaving with her breath.

"I know you were in the hospital. Frank told me," he mumbled.

"Figures," she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "He never was good at keeping secrets."

Mikey chuckled and he watched as she took another shorter drag. "Dom, I want to be friends again. I miss just hanging out and talking until four in the morning about nothing. I miss laughing at stupid jokes with you and having ridiculous art sessions at ungodly hours of the morning. I miss my best friend."

He watched as she leaned against the wall, the space separating them too far for his liking. She turned to him and flicked some ash off the tip of the cigarette. "I miss my best friend too, Mikey, but he's gone. Instead we're stuck with this slightly jealous forever fucked up bass player." She motioned to him and poked the cigarette between her lips, letting it hang there. Her eyes narrowed when he didn't respond to her name calling and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Nothing? Not even a 'Fuck you'? Am I talking to the right Mikey Way?" she waved her hands in front of his face and he cracked a smile.

"I'm tired of being pissed off. I forgave Gerard and I'm trying to forgive you. I'm trying so fucking hard."

"What's keeping you?" she asked, her eyes boring into his with an intensity that made him shiver.

He broke their stare and looked at the ground, pushing a stray piece of gravel around with his sneaker. "I still love you."

The mumble was quiet and Dom barely caught his words. She sighed, taking a drag on the cigarette and mulling over what she wanted to say before turning to him. She pinched the cigarette between her fingers and dropped it on the ground, stomping on it before meeting his eyes. Mikey eyed her with curiosity as she got rid of her smoke and turned to him with determination, her lips pressed in a thin line.

"I'm going to try something that you'll either really like or really hate but I feel like it's necessary in order to get over this, okay?"

He frowned at her. "Depends on what you do."

She took a step closer to him. Then another. Mikey fought the urge to back away from her as she stood merely inches from him. He could feel the heat of her breath flutter over his face and he suppressed another shiver when she placed her hands gently on his chest and looked up at him.

"Mikey, I want you to kiss me."

His breath caught in his throat.

"What?"

"Just fucking do it."

"I-I don't think that's such a good idea," he rambled and she sighed, wrapping her hand around his neck. His entire body stiffened at the contact but he didn't pull away as she leaned toward him, her lips slightly parted.

She paused before their lips met and her eyes closed. Mikey kept his eyes on her mouth, completely enthralled as she took a second to collect herself before pressing her mouth to his. His eyes drifted closed and they stood there, lips pressed together, Dom's hand wrapped around the back of his neck, holding him in place. The moment stretched for a while before she moved her mouth against his, urging him to kiss her back. Snapping out of it, he found her rhythm and leaned into it. Dom squeezed his neck and pulled away, her long eyelashes lifting as they separated and they both stared at each other, catching their breath.

"Verdict?" she whispered, wiping the corner of her mouth and clearing her throat.

Mikey blinked a few times, still processing what had just happened. He'd actually kissed, no, made out with his best friend. Slowly he raised his hand to his mouth and touched his bottom lip, his eyebrows pulling together.

"Mikey?" Dom asked and his eyes snapped onto her. Her lips were slightly reddened from the kiss and she had her arms crossed over her chest and her hip cocked as she waited for him. He cleared his throat and scattered the cobwebs from his brain.

"I—I, um, that was weird," he mumbled. "Like, really weird."

"Like kissing your sister weird? Or like kissing a new girlfriend weird?" she pressed and Mikey took a second to consider. He studied her, watching her pale eyes as she stared up at the sky, waiting for him to speak. He didn't see any hint of anything sexual from her body language and he sighed.

"It was like kissing my fucking sister," he grumbled. There. It was out there. All the dreaming and wondering had come down to this. He felt like he'd just made out with his sibling and it was freaking him out. Ray had been right, he'd been building up this image of the girl standing before him and she'd shattered that image with one touch of the lips.

A satisfied sigh escaped her and she moved back to him, this time draping her arm around his shoulders. "It's weird how one kiss can put things in perspective," she winked.

"Tell me about it," he grumbled.

Dom giggled and rested her head against his. "Don't be sad, Mikey. It's not like you're a bad kisser… Quite the contrary actually."

This brought a slight grin to his face and she squeezed him playfully.

"No, I rather enjoyed that, other than that weird feeling that I was doing something incestuous," she teased and the blush on his neck rose to his cheeks.

"Shut up."

"No. Whoever you end up with will be a lucky woman. You know how to use those lips, boy," she ignored his embarrassed deflections as they made their way back into the restaurant. When they approached the table everyone was eating heartily, Dom and Mikey's meals waiting for them as Nat and Frank fed each other while Gerard and Ray sat awkwardly staring at their plates.

"Relax, boys, we're back to make this a little less awkward," Dom announced and Ray grinned.

"Finally."

The two returned to their seats and the tension eased as Dom initiated conversation, breaking up Nat and Frank's little PDA session. She avoided Gerard's eyes for most of the meal only glancing his way when their waitress approached to check on them. By the time their places were cleared and the check settled Dom was smiling and eager to get to her studio for her guitar lesson.

"So, I was working on pieces for one of the songs we scrapped and I thought it would be cool to teach it to you." Ray slapped his notebook between them as the group sat around Dom's studio a half hour later.

Dom chewed her lip and shrugged. "I guess that'd be cool."

Ray handed her the acoustic and picked up Frank's to show her where to place her fingers. "Okay so we start with this."

As the halting music filled the space Gerard found himself watching Dom's nervous movements from where he sat across the room, his legs draped over the side of an armchair he'd helped her scrounge from a garage sale a few years back. He smiled at the memory. They'd struggled so hard to get the thing into Nat's truck. They'd both laughed so hard out of pure exhaustion at their ridiculous efforts. Shaking his head, Gerard's heart skipped when Dom giggled, the sweet sound helping the corner of his mouth rise in a half smile.

"What are you smiling about?" Mikey sat down on the floor in front of him, crossing his legs and handing him a Red Bull.

"Nothing."

"Right," he rolled his eyes to earn a nudge to the head from his older brother.

Paging through one of the sketchbooks Dom had left lying around, Mikey took a sip of the coffee he'd made and stopped on a particular page his eyes moving over the scribbles and scrawls of the entire band. A red circle had been drawn around a phone number in the corner and a few exclamation points when his attention was drawn to name beneath it. Bob.

"Hey, check this out," he held the book up to Gerard's eye level and waited for a reaction only to receive a grunt and a shrug from his brother.

"What was that?" Mikey demanded, turning a little further to face him. "That grunt. What's going on?"

Leaning close so his voice didn't rise over the guitar, Gerard sighed and whispered, "Dom's leaving. I kind of forced it out of her earlier. She was gonna tell us later but I guess she hasn't gotten to it yet. And now I think I know just who gave her the fucking idea. Just, don't take it personally, man." He patted Mikey's shoulder and took a long sip from the Red Bull can.

"Why's she leaving?"

"Ask her."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Waiting to ask such a monumental question was like slowly pulling a band-aid off a hairy arm. Every time Mikey thought he'd have a chance Frank or Nat would shy the subject toward something ridiculous until finally he became so aggravated he stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sorry to interrupt, but is there anything you'd like to share with us, Dominica?" he stared at her and the color drained from her face.

"What?"

Grabbing the sketchbook he tossed it at her and she pulled her lip into her mouth and groaned. He never thought a tiny action as such would break his resolve to get the truth out of her but his annoyance came crashing down and his shoulders sagged.

"I don't want to call you out, but keeping stuff from us clearly just doesn't work," he clarified.

"I know," Dom whispered. She wiped the corner of her eye and set her guitar aside, staring at the open page with red all over it.

"I'm sorry you keep finding stuff out from other people, Mike." She smiled at him. "But I guess I should just say it." Her eyes fell on Nat whose eyebrows had drawn together in confusion. "I'm moving in a couple weeks. I just need a change of scenery. There's so much bad karma around here and I just… I need a fresh start and when I spoke to Bob he inspired me to do something. You guys are going back on tour and Nat, you've got so much going for yourself and I don't want to keep pulling you back."

The blonde opened her mouth to protest but Dom shook her head. "I am and I know it. You're a great drummer and an even better friend and I love you so much for that. You deserve to be able to go on tour with Frank or even fucking join a band and make it big and my sobriety issues just keep giving you that excuse not to. I can't keep holding you here. You deserve to make it big. I'm selling my studio and most of my work is going into storage. I've sold a lot lately so I can keep up my half of the rent on the apartment if you choose to stay there, Nattie. But I can't be here anymore."

A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she brushed it away. "What with Luke constantly tracking me down and trying to hurt me. I just can't handle it. So leaving will definitely help my sanity. I'm sorry, guys."

"Where are you moving?" Ray asked, draping his arm around her shoulders and squeezing.

"I don't want to tell you. Not because I don't want to see you anymore. I just think a break from everything will really help me out. I'll keep my number the same but that's it."

She kept her eyes on her clasped hands, too scared to look up and see the expressions on their faces. She knew she'd disappointed them. Again. But she also knew she had to do something to get better and this was her last resort. If she didn't leave she'd end up back where she started and that was no good for her or her friends.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again and Ray hugged her.

"We're here to support you, Pumpkin," he whispered and she laughed.

"How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?"

The group laughed, breaking the silence of the room and Dom finally pulled away from Ray. She took his hand and smiled, "Thanks for teaching me guitar. I really appreciate it."

"You better keep it up while you're gone."

"I'll try."

"Good."

"I don't think I could ever find a better teacher though," she grinned and he blushed. "Awe, Ray-Ray's blushing!" She pinched his cheek and giggled.

"Right, well you know we'll miss you like crazy," Frank cleared his throat and Dom laughed when he scooped her into a hug.

"Oh God, so much love!" she laughed into his jacket. "You're such a sweetheart, Frankie. I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes."

Grinning, Frank smacked a wet one on her cheek and she squirmed, wiping his spit from her face as the group laughed. Nat was next, pulling her roommate to her feet and hugging her tightly. Tears were shed and the two whispered back and forth for a moment before Mikey took his turn and gave her a big squeeze as well.

"Please keep in touch," he whispered into her hair. "Please."

"Of course I will," she smiled. "I just got you back, why would I lose you again."

"I know. Just don't hurt my brother, Dom. He really does love you."

Staring at him straight in the eyes, Dom nodded, "I really don't want to hurt anyone, Mikey. I love all of you. That's why I'm doing this. So I can't hurt you guys or myself anymore."

"You're not your dad," he whispered and she choked up, the sob escaping her before she could help it. Her hand flew to her mouth and she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I feel like it though."

She turned her face in to the crook of his neck and tried to fight off another hiccup of emotion. "He hit people, I'm an emotional terrorist. We're two peas."

"No you're not. Don't say that."

"But—"

"You're not, Dominica."

"I'm not gonna argue with you right now." She sniffed and wiped at her face. "I'll miss you Mikey."

The two stepped away from each other and the studio descended into silence again. Dom offered each one of her friends a watery smile before her eyes fell on Gerard who stood off in the corner, his hands clasped behind his back. He flashed a crooked smile and her eyes welled up with tears.

"Alright, I think it's time to call it a night," Frank hopped to his feet and began ushering Nat, Mikey and Ray toward the door. He paused to wink over his shoulder and Dom smiled as they all gave her more hugs before filtering through the front door. Mikey paused and glanced at his brother.

"So, you coming?"

"I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow."

Nodding, Mikey bowed his head and left, the door closing loudly behind him and casting the space into that silence again. Letting her hands fall to her sides, Dom cleared her throat and began gathering the empty beer bottles and cigarette butts cluttering her coffee table. She could feel Gerard's eyes on her as she flitted around the room cleaning up, every time she came close to him her body tensed and her stomach erupted with butterflies. Finally when she finished she turned to him and met his gaze, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

"No."

"We should."

Dom nodded. "I know."

She watched him play with his fingers, his hair in his eyes and his sunglasses dangling from his shirt. Just watching him made her tingle and she wanted to do nothing but spill her guts about everything but it wouldn't help whether she talked to him or not. He'd still be her drug of choice, no matter how hard she tried to quit him.

"I still fucking love you," he whispered, resting his forehead on the heels of his hands. "Why can't you just accept that?"

"Because I don't want you to." Dom slumped her shoulders, slouching to the couch where she sat in front of him, resting her hands on his knees. "Love is like a fucking death wish with me. I was built to destroy everything I love and loves me. That's just how it works and I don't want you to keep being a victim of it. I just want it to stop."

Lowering his hands, Gerard looked up at her and brushed his fingers over the backs of her hands. He gripped her wrists, holding them on his knees and stared straight into her blotchy face.

"I'm not a victim, Dom. I'm here, I'm willing to go through this with you. We can do this. The both of us," he smiled, trying to catch her eyes.

Shaking her head, Dom refused to meet his gaze. She kept her eyes on his throat, watching his Adam's apple bob as he spoke. The corners of her mouth wobbled with her struggle against crying and she sniffed. Of course, just being close to him brought back all that crap he'd helped her through. Not just the lust and the secretive glances, but the long nights up talking, his quiet coaching her thourgh withdrawal her chest hurt just remembering.

"No, I have to leave. It's not just this, us, it's more than that. I just can't be here. It's like a pillow pressing over my mouth as I sleep. No matter how much I gasp for air all I'm doing is suffocating. I have to leave. You need to go find Lindsey, date her for all I fucking care. Just forget me. I'm not the girl for you, Gee. I can't be."

"I refuse to believe that," Gerard insisted, pressing his forehead to hers. "Look at me."

"No," she sobbed.

"Dominica, please," he traced her bottom lip with his thumb before kissing her roughly. "Please."

"Stop it," she sniffed and pulled away from him. "I'm leaving, it's done, non-refundable. So let's talk about something else." Dom jumped to her feet and wiped at her eyes. Shoving her hair away from her face she looked around the studio and grabbed a magazine, sinking into the love seat Gerard had been sitting in earlier.

He watched her page through the magazine with aggressive turns. She sniffed occasionally but didn't look away from whatever she was reading. Instead she just glared at it and swiped at her nose or her eyes and sniffed.

"You're being stupid," Gerard finally said, interrupting her sniffing.

"No, I'm doing what's right for me."

"But what about everyone else? Huh?"

Dom threw the magazine away from her with wide eyes. "Are you serious? How about I better myself before I worry about everyone else, Gee. Fuck you."

The smile crept across his face and he leaned forward, "I get that, but I think you can still get better here."

"Stop," she glared at him. "I'm serious."

"No."

"I'm not fucking around!" she tossed the magazine at him. "This isn't a joke!"

The smirk turned into a full-blown smile and he continued to goad her, "Really? Because your temper is just hilarious."

"Don't fuck with me," she jumped to her feet. You're just doing this to get ass and it's not gonna work. I didn't just nearly get raped or something for you to just waltz in here like a jackass and try and get in my pants."

The snicker erupted from him before he could stop it and she glared at him. "Are you serious right now?"

"No, no I'm sorry," he held his hands up. "I'm sorry." He tried his hardest to stem the giggle fit but the anger in her eyes just cracked him up. Yeah, he'd lost his mind.

"What the fuck?" Dom took the few steps back across the room to him and swatted him over the head, ruffling his hair. "Are you dumb or something?"

"No!" he chuckled. "I don't even know why this is so funny. I'm sorry. You're just so angry for no reason."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"No, now I'd like to know where this is coming from." She was so close to his face he could feel her breath flutter over the tip of his nose. Gerard watched her eyes narrow, and caught the hint of blue around her pupils. Her eyes only hinted at blue when she was annoyed. The corner of his mouth lifted at the thought and he left out a chuckle.

"Do you want me to actually smack you? Because I will." She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. "This really isn't funny."

"You're just fueling my fire, baby," Gerard winked and she lunged at him, tackling him back onto the couch. Her hands pinned his shoulders to the cushions and she sat straddling his waist. She leaned forward so their faces were mere inches apart and glared down at him. Her long hair fell around them and a few strands brushed against his cheek.

"Please stop it," she whispered. "You know I love you, you know I'll eventually get through this but I can't do whatever this is right now, okay? You know I want you, I do. But I can't right now."

The sadness in her eyes spoke volumes and she pressed her hand over his mouth, kissing the back of it before letting him sit up.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to smile."

"I'll smile when this is over. When I'm better."

Gerard shook his head and rubbed his eye before looking back at her. "Then I'll be here. I'll wait for that moment when you want to show me."

* * *

><p>Sorry it took so long to update. Work's been nuts and when I'm not working I'm being lazy. I've been trying to get past chapter 30 forever and I have a bunch of random scenes written but no real order to them so I'm just trying to figure out where exactly I want to go before posting something. Hopefully it won't take much longer but I'm not sure but thanks for reading and sticking with me. I have one more pre-written chapter and then it'll slow down more until I get back into the writing swing. So, wish me luck haha<p>

Thanks for reading :)


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Bob hated airports. He hated the constant push and shove and dragging luggage and having to go from terminal to terminal but most of all he hated the waiting. The seats were uncomfortable and no matter where he went there was always a screaming child and all he wanted to do was go home. Tapping his foot against the chair in front of him he checked his cell phone for the time and frowned. She was late. He watched the arrival board above the waiting area and sighed. Her plane still wasn't on it. No matter how much he'd planned this trip he knew something was bound to happen. And of course her connection flight into Chicago was delayed. Sighing, he returned his attention back to the magazine he'd bought and adjusted the sunglasses on his face. Another thing he wasn't a huge fan of was being recognized. So he'd slicked his blond hair back and pulled his hoodie down over his eyes and stuck a pair of sunglasses on.

The minutes dragged into the early evening and Bob slowly began to get impatient. He kept his magazine high to block his face and glanced at his phone again only to wince when it vibrated loudly on the seat next to him. It was a text message.

'I'm here. Where are you?'

The frown deepened on his face and he tapped out a reply.

'I'm at your terminal?'

Almost immediately after it sent his phone buzzed with an incoming call. He shook his head and answered it on the second ring.

"Yes, Dominica."

"Obviously you're not at my terminal because I can't fucking see you. So you're clearly at the wrong fucking one," she said coolly and he laughed.

"Then where the fuck are you?" he shot back and she laughed with him.

"Oh wait, there you are. Nice disguise."

The line clicked and Bob pocketed his phone only to have his magazine pulled from his hands by a grinning Dominica. She tossed it on the seat beside him and winked, her long hair curly around her shoulders and her simple yet sexy outfit a sight for sore eyes. Bob shook his head and sighed, standing and opening his arms for her that she stepped into with a giggle.

"Bob! Baby!" she squealed and squeezed him.

"Christ, Dom you're gonna suffocate me, damn," he muttered into her hair and she pulled away with a grin.

"Shut up."

"Alright let's get outta here. I fucking hate airports," he took her carry on from her and led her toward baggage claim. Dom followed along, hooking her arm in his as they waited for her suitcases. She laughed when he readjusted his hood over his hair and the sunglasses over his eyes.

"Nice beard, by the way," Dom tugged at his chin and he pushed her away.

"Hey, don't start with that." He warned, grabbing her bag off the conveyor belt. "I'm the one helping you out here okay. No teasing me."

"Oh come on, Bobert." Dom pouted as he grabbed her second suitcase.

"Don't call me that."

"Grumpy," Dom teased and they made their way toward the exit, Bob tugging one suitcase while Dom lugged the other and her carry on. The two remained quiet as they found Bob's car and loaded her things into the back.

"Okay, here's the deal. I set you up in my guest room. I won't tolerate the bullshit Gerard and them let you get into so don't even try it. You know the rent deal and you're on your own for work. I won't be around much, but when I am around, I'm here if you need me. You know I just want you to get better."

Dom grinned and nodded, "I understand."

"Good."

"Well now that the serious shit is over, how have you been?"

Bob shook his head and glanced at her. He had to admit she looked good compared to what she'd been the last time he'd seen her. She'd gained a few pounds and her air looked longer and fuller. Her gray eyes were wide and she seemed thrilled to be away from New York. He smirked and turned back to watching the road.

"I've been good. Been getting back to sound and just taking it day by day. The usual."

"I'm glad to see you're happy." She nudged him. "That last couple times I saw you with the boys you looked miserable."

Bob scowled. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Well, we are so get over it. I'm just saying, I could kind of tell you didn't want to go back to the band after the hiatus. It just seemed like you were sick of the spotlight. That's all I'm trying to say."

"Yeah well let's just leave it at that then. Wouldn't want to hurt your feelings talking bad about your precious Gerard."

Dom eyed him. His grip had tightened on the steering wheel and his mouth had thinned into a line. Yeah, he was pissed.

"Okay, fine. We're letting it go. Just know that I still love you," she grinned and patted his arm.

They spent the rest of the ride back to Bob's in comfortable silence. Dom kept to herself, occasionally glancing at her phone to reassure Nat and the boys that she'd arrived at her destination safely. When they finally got to Bob's he helped lug her things inside and unpack. By the time she was fully settled in it was almost midnight and the two crashed on her bed. Dom stared at the ceiling while Bob sat cross-legged beside her, one of his dogs curled in his lap.

"Thank you again for letting me stay with you," Dom whispered.

"Stop thanking me," Bob muttered his reply and nudged her side. "Just because I had a falling out with the guys doesn't mean I love you any less."

She rolled onto her side and smiled. "I know. It's just weird being away from everyone. Starting fresh is kind of terrifying. I guess it's just hitting me now. I only know you."

He nodded and sighed. "Yeah, it's scary but I know you can get through it. It's not hard with the right connections. And once you get on your feet you'll be fine."

A tired smile drifted across Dom's face and she nodded. "You have so much faith. It's pretty beautiful, Bob."

"Time for bed," he jumped up from the mattress quickly, his dog dropping ot the floor with a disgruntled growl. He made it quickly to the door before Dom sat up with a confused frown.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing. I just realized I have to be up early tomorrow morning. For work. That's all. You seem pretty beat too so, I'll leave you to it. Good night!" He forced a smile and disappeared, closing the door with a snap and leaving Dom alone. Shrugging, Dom let it go and wriggled out of her clothes. She pulled on pajama pants and a t-shirt and snuggled into the covers.

Pulling out her cell phone she yawned and tapped out a mass text to her friends, bidding them goodnight before rolling onto her side and passing out.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long for Dom to find a job in Chicago. She wanted to keep things simple so she started out working part time doing little things like working in supermarkets or coffee shops. Since she had gone through training to be both bartender and barista she found herself sticking to a job at a corner coffee shop from the studio Bob worked at doing a guest recording with some Indy band she'd never heard of.<p>

When she wasn't serving coffee and lattes she found herself struggling for things to do to keep herself occupied. She did keep in touch with her friends, constantly texting and emailing them but something was still missing. She found herself often locked in Bob's office, where she'd set up some of her art supplies, doodling on canvases or writing in a journal she'd purchased before leaving New York. But instead of writing typical diary entries she'd begun writing letters.

"Who are you even writing to?" Bob questioned one morning as she sat hovered over her journal, her pen whizzing across the pages while he fixed himself a cup of coffee.

Dom paused and looked up at him with wide eyes. "A couple people." She shrugged.

"Like?" he tried to lean forward to see the pages but she snapped it closed before he could get a good enough look.

"No one you'd know."

"I doubt that," he grabbed at the little leather bound book but Dom snatched it away. "Come on, it's not like you don't vent to me anyway. Who are you writing to?"

Jumping up from the table, Dom tucked the book under her arm and shook her head. "It's none of our friends, Bob. Just leave it alone!"

"Okay, fine. Sorry." He took a sip of his coffee and sat down, spreading the newspaper out on the now empty table and finding and article to read. "Just want to know what goes on in your head sometimes. You've been kind of reclusive since you got here."

Sighing, Dom pushed her fingers through her hair and shrugged. "I know and I'm sorry. But I guess I just need time to myself before after everything. These letters just help me deal with all the shit going on in my head. They help me deal with the past and now and I'd feel more comfortable if you didn't read them. They're very personal.

"Fine." He nodded and scratched his beard. "I'll leave it alone then."

"Thank you."

She sat down across form him hesitantly but he just kept sipping from his mug. She placed the journal in front of her gingerly and folded her arms over it. For months she'd spent her free time writing and drawing and keeping to herself and it scared him because that wasn't the Dom he was used to. He was used to the sometimes obnoxious, gutsy and usually high Dom who wasn't afraid to speak her mind or be raunchy. Now she was quiet and reserved and afraid and he was concerned about where this would lead.

Placing his mug on top of the newspaper, Bob looked straight into her eyes and she smiled at him.

"Dom, I want you to know that you can talk to me about the dark shit, okay?"

"What do you mean?"

He could see her withdrawing from him so he eased up and leaned back in his chair. "I just want you to know that if you need help with anything. Whatever it is you're going through up there," he tapped his temple, "You can tall me. I don't sneak off and tell people about our conversations. I'm not connected to Gerard or Mikey or Frank or Ray anymore so there's distance. You're just starting to scare me with this personality shift."

"I don't mean to," her voice was small and she chewed the inside of her cheek and fidgeted with the sleeves of her shirt.

"I just wanted you to know. We don't have to talk now, but if you want to, I'm around."

Dom nodded and smiled. She watched Bob finish off his coffee and get up from the table. He rinsed the mug and left the room, patting her back gently as he passed. She waited for his office door to close before staring down at her journal in her hands. Everyday, often two or three times she'd write a letter. Opening the book she stared at the first one and her eyes welled with tears. It was to her mother. She apologized for being so useless, for letting her father abuse them both and letting her know that she still loved her and missed her. That first letter had taken her three days to write and she reread it often just to remind herself that she could get better. Each letter after that was to each of her friends. She apologized to each of them in those first letters but never had the heart to send them. So she kept them with her and wrote to them when she felt the past creeping up on her.

Looking up from the book, Dom stared around Bob's kitchen and let out a low sigh. Pushing away from the table she clutched her journal and made her way into her bedroom. Squaring her jaw she tucked the journal into her sock drawer and turned to her closet. She was going out. She had to get back to her happy sober self and she wasn't going to stop until she got there.

* * *

><p>I can't believe I forgot to post this! SO SORRY GUYS! I'll double post then. I finally finished chapter 31 and started chapter 32 so here chapter 30 and right after this chapter 31!<p> 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

_Hey Mom,_

_You don't know how much I miss you. Well, maybe you do. I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I wanted to write this just to get all this shit out of my head. If I could send this to you, God, I would. But since I can't I guess I'll just leave your letter here in this little book to remind me of how much I love you and miss you and want to get better, for you. I was told writing letters could be healing so I decided to give it a try, start with someone I've been thinking about almost every day._

_Please don't be disappointed in me, Mom, I never meant to turn into Dad. I thought I wouldn't but then, I don't know what happened. I started using drugs in art school and then my life just snowballed. I guess you could say I became addicted to destruction just like Dad. I know you'd be disappointed in me because of that, that's why I eventually got sober. But things are different now._

_I met a guy in art school. He is such a creative mind, a good soul and we kind of went down the path of destruction together. We fed off our hurt and our depression but then he also helped me get better. While I was spiraling out of control he found it in himself to get clean and sober and then he and his brother helped me. His brother became my security blanket and he became my new addiction. I don't really know why but we just fit together, Mom. I wish you could have gotten to know him. His name is Gerard. He's a singer now and an artist. He used to draw me these little comics while I was in rehab. I still have them somewhere in a shoebox. His brother Mikey would teach me how to paint when he visited. Those brothers made me so happy. But then they did something and I got scared. And I shouldn't have but I did._

_Mikey said he loved me and I freaked out. I spiraled again and ended up close to dying. I don't know what it is with me and near death experiences but I've had quite a few. Anyway, I ran away, got mixed up in some really shady stuff. I experienced my first really serious abusive relationship. Mom, you would be so ashamed and I regret it every day. But I was so scared. I know it isn't a good excuse and I know I hide behind it but I don't know how to love back. Bob said maybe I love too much and I don't know how to show it but just the feeling is foreign to me._

_But Gerard, Mom. He sees through all my bullshit. He knows me good and bad and he still wants to be with me. For a while I thought it was just a phase. I pushed him away and made him see other people but he still came back. That stupid fluttery feeling in my stomach is still there whenever he's around. I guess that's love but I'm not sure. I'm just addicted to him and it's not healthy for either of us._

_I moved to Chicago to get away from everything but now that I'm here I miss Nat and Frank and Ray and my Way brothers. I still keep in touch but I miss their companionship. But I'm so scared. I don't want to be a coward. You weren't. You never hid from Dad, you always confronted him, faced him and his problem like a real woman. And you loved him through that. How? Gerard is the same way. And I don't understand. No one should love me. I'm a mess. My skeletons are piled high in my closet and yet he still wants to be with me. And Mom, I want to be with him too but then I know I'll hurt him. I always do._

_I wish you could help me. Just hug me and rock me and tell me everything will be ok in the morning. Like you used to do when I was little. But you can't and I'm lost without you. I'll try my hardest to work on my fears, become less of this coward. I don't want to drown in misery like Dad did. I want to rise above. Just don't give up on me, Mom. I know eventually I'll overcome this._

_I love you._

_Dom_

She ran her hand gently over the last page of her letter and sighed. "I'll overcome this," she whispered.

"Hey, you up?" Bob poked his head around the door and Dom jumped, quickly closing the journal with a snap.

"Yeah, I am," she sniffed, wiping away the tears marring her cheeks. "You can come in if you want."

Bob pushed the door open, letting the light from the hallway spill into the room. He held out her cell phone and crossed the room. He was wearing the new moccasin slippers she'd gotten him because his other slippers were dirty and gross from wear and tear. The corner of her mouth lifted and she took the phone from him, pressing her hand over the receiving end.

"Who is it?"

"Just answer it," Bob winked and she held it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"DOM! Guess who?" a familiar voice greeted her and she had to fight a sob.

"Oh my gosh, hi Mikes!" She smiled.

"Why did Bob answer your phone? Is that where you are? Are you with Bob?" he asked quickly and Dom laughed.

"Don't tell anyone, Mikey. I swear to God if you do..."

"I'll try not to but you know how hard it is to keep a secret around here," Mikey chuckled.

"Please try."

"I will I promise. You know Gerard has been all weird since you left."

"What? Why?"

She heard Mikey sigh and had to fight a laugh. "He'll kill me if I tell you but he leaves tickets for you at every venue we play hoping to catch you in the audience. I think it's killing him that he doesn't exactly know where you are. Although I think Bob gave it away just now."

"Shut up!" Dom laughed. "Well maybe I'll come see you guys when you hit Chicago."

"That'd be nice."

"Yeah, I miss having friends. It's just me and Bob here and it's kind of lonely sometimes."

She heard the phone rustle and Mikey muttered something away from the receiver.

"Mikey?"

"Sorry, Gee wants to say hi," he replied and the phone rustled again.

"Oh, okay."

She waited as the phone changed hands and Gerard's breathing greeted her. She laughed and he told her to shut up.

"Hey Geebee how are you?" she asked and he giggled.

"Geebee? Really?"

"Shut up," they both laughed and Gerard's breathing filled the receiver again. "Are you smoking? It sounds like a fucking wind storm on your end."

"Yeah I'm smoking," he giggled again.

Dom pushed her hair from her face and lay down on her stomach. Bob fell into the armchair in the corner of her room and propped his feet up on the wall. Dom winked at him and he shook his head just glad she was finally genuinely smiling for once.

"You seem like you're in a good mood."

"Yeah, we had a really great show tonight. The crowd was amazing. I'm still riding the wave, I guess."

"I miss you. Hopefully we'll see each other soon."

"Really?" his voice went up so high it almost cracked and Dom laughed. "if you'd fucking tell me where you are this would be a lot easier, Dominica."

"Nope. You'll find me when you find me," she teased. "Just wait."

"Will it be soon? Like, really soon?"

"I'm not telling," she sang. "Just keep doing what you're doing and I'll pop up eventually."

"That's not fair."

"You can whine all you want, Gee, I'm not telling until you find me."

"Ugh, that's bullshit. Well, talk to Mikey now I'm annoyed with you."

With that the phone shuffled around again and Dom had to muffle her laughter. Bob rolled his eyes at her while she finished her conversation and hung up. She tossed the phone on her nightstand after hanging up and let out a long sigh.

"Do you feel better now?" Bob mumbled.

She smiled and nodded, "A little, yeah."

"You wanna talk?"

Chewing the inside of her cheek Dom thought for a second. "About what?"

"Why you're here exactly," he grumbled and she frowned.

"What d'you mean? You know why I'm here."

"This isn't about the Luke bullshit, Dom. You seem perfectly fine with Gerard and the rest of the band. I don't get why you're really here. I know the drug this isn't the only reason you left New York."

Bob waited as she opened and closed her mouth to explain herself. The issue had been bothering him since she'd arrived and he was fed up with dancing around the subject. Yes, he loved her company and her friendship but he could tell there was something else going on and he needed to get to know.

Dom sat up on her bed and crossed her legs. When her eyes met Bob's hard stare a shiver went up her back and she groaned.

"I don't know how to explain…." She trailed. "I just needed to get away."

"From what, though?" he pressed and her shoulders slumped and she buried her face in her hands.

'From all my own bullshit, I guess. I needed and out from the drama of being me. I know the sounds pretty shitty but I don't know how else to put it. Luke pushing himself on me and then Mikey and Gerard and not knowing what to do about anything, I just needed to leave."

"There's more to it than that too. I can see it."

"I don't understand."

"You're scared of something. What."

She shook her head, not looking up from her palms. "Nothing. I'm just scared of what's gonna happen when I decide to go back."

The corner of Bob's mouth rose in a crooked smile and he shook his head. "Nope. Wrong answer."

Her head popped up and her eyes narrowed. "What?"

"That's not what you're afraid of. Come on, Dom, I know about your family baggage, I saw you at your lowest. You're not fucking scared of Luke or Gerard you're fucking scared of yourself. I don't know how many times we have to tell you before you fucking get it but you gotta stop running and just be you. You're a great artist, you've got a great voice and you're fucking hot. You've got a guy who's fucking head over heels for you and a group of friends who are still clinging to friendship with you. You really don't have it that bad. I don't know why you won't accept the fact that people really do love you and embrace it. You've got so much more than half the people in this world. Accept it."

The room fell silent and Bob stood up. Dom watched him with wide eyes and he crossed the room, resting a hand on her shoulder. She stared at him as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead before leaving her alone in the room. She let the breath from her longs slowly after the door closed behind him and fell back into her pillows. Bob was right. Everyone was right. She had to get over herself and it was about time she did it.

Jumping from her bed she grabbed her laptop from her desk and plopped into the chair Bob had vacated. If she was going to start healing herself and her relationships it had to start with the person who cared about her most, Gerard Way.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

For some reason Gerard couldn't get warm. He tossed and turned in his little bunk but no matter how hard he tried to fall asleep he couldn't get comfortable. Tucking his hands behind his head he stared up at the bars that belonged to Ray's bunk and sighed. The tour was almost over and every show they'd played no one had claimed the tickets he'd left at will call. He was beginning to think she was never going to show.

Taking a deep breath he threw the useless covers away from him and rolled out of his bunk. The snoring of his band mates was the only noise in that part of the bus so he grabbed his iPod and tiptoed to the door. Gently pushing it open he hopped off the bus and looked around. The parking lot was empty so he plugged his headphones in and glanced down at the iPod screen. It was almost midnight.

"Perfect time for a walk," he muttered into the silence and made his way toward the sidewalk.

His walking mix lasted him nearly an hour before he paused midway through and stared at the iPod. Avenged Sevenfold was the album cover on the screen and Dear God was the song now paused. He looked up into the dark sky and sighed. Of course his iPod would play the favorite song of the girl he'd been thinking about for almost a month. He'd almost given up leaving the tickets at every venue but her teasing words still plagued him so he kept doing it.

"Soon," he grumbled and shook his head. "Bullshit."

Hitting play he returned to his aimless wandering, listening to the lyrics to every song and wondering how long it would be before he saw Dom again. He knew it couldn't be too much longer before they ran into each other with the tour coming to a close, he just wanted to find her.

After a while he found himself back at the bus. The engine was running and the lights were on inside so he yanked the door open and stepped on to find the entire band awake, Frank standing closest to him holding his cell phone.

"—left the fucking thing here, goddamnit," he was saying and Gerard rolled his eyes.

"Well I'm back now so you can stop digging through my shit," he said and the group turned around.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Frank was the first to speak up, tossing the phone into his bunk.

"Where the hell were you? We've been trying to find you for, like, an hour," Mikey chimed in.

"I just needed to take a walk," he shrugged, pulling his headphones from his ears. "Think a little."

"Yeah well, think a little on the bus we're already late," Frank shoved him and trudged back to his bunk.

"Sorry."

"We just wanna get on the road as soon as possible, don't take it personally," Ray patted his shoulder and climbed up onto his bunk. "He's cranky because I woke him up."

Shrugging, Gerard rolled into his bunk, plugging his iPod back and resting his arms behind his head. He felt the bus jerk into motion and sighed loudly as it returned to the endless travel that consumed them while on tour. He lost track of time as the bus made it's way toward their next show and eventually he fell into a fitful sleep. It wasn't until he felt the bus jerk to a stop that his brother appeared, shaking him awake.

"Hey, Gerard, come on, we're here."

"Huh?" he opened his eyes and coughed when Mikey poked him again.

"We're here. We just pulled into the hotel."

"Oh… nice," grabbing his backpack he trudged off the bus with the rest of the band, going through the motions of check in until he found the room he was sharing with Frank and collapsed into bed.

"I'm setting the alarm just in case," he heard Frank mumbled through the covers over him and Gerard grunted. There was more shuffling and then the sound of the bathroom door closing. Gerard groaned into the pillow he'd brought with him from the bus and closed his eyes. He was still freezing and no amount of blankets would warm him up. Not even his favorite hoodie. So he returned his headphones to his ears and zoned out until sleep claimed him for the third time that night. 

* * *

><p>"MCR! MCR! MCR!" The crowd was deafening to Gerard's ears as he stretched backstage. Their opening bands had already finished, some even left, and the crowd was ripe and eager for their set. Amongst the pre-show jitters, Gerard had another feeling. He couldn't tell what it was but it was a hopeful one.<p>

Humming a little to keep his voice warmed up he went through the motions of his vocal warm up again to make sure he was still loose and ready to go on stage. Ray, Mikey and Frank were huddled together practicing; all three had their heads together and were enthusiastically strumming their respective instruments. He shuffled over and they stopped, Frank holding his arms out to pull him and Ray into a hug. Mikey joined and Frank said a few words of encouragement before they went through their final pre-show rituals- giving everyone a high five.

The lights were blinding when Gerard walked out onto the stage to a huge roar from the audience. He jumped right into the opening song, putting everything into his performance. He jumped around, shook his hips and made a few suggestive gestures before the lights dimmed and he took a second to look out over the crowd. He could clearly see the faces of the fans crushed up against the barrier a few feet away from the stage. He scanned the first row and his heart jumped in his chest. He knew those green eyes anywhere. She had finally showed up.

He almost forgot where he was while he stared at her. Her hair was tousled around her shoulders and she was wearing one of the older band shirts. Her makeup was heavier than usual, her eyes covered in dark kohl and her lips a bright red but she looked stunning. She winked at him and threw up the metal horns before joining in the happy cheers of the rest of the crowd.

"What are you waiting for, Gee?" Franks voice snapped him out of his shock on the dead mic and he moved back to center stage.

"Shit sorry," he said into the live mic in his hand and he laughed. "What a fucking gorgeous crowd we've got tonight. Fuck!" he smiled into the lights again and the crowd screamed for him. He glanced over at the spot where he'd found her and grinned at her. She was propped on the shoulders of a random guy and she looked thrilled to be there. His confidence soared and he stood up on the speakers at the edge of the stage.

"Are you ready, Chicago!" he screamed.

"Fuck yes!"

"I can't hear you. Are you ready, Chicago!" he called again to a deafening roar. "Then let's fucking do it!"

Bobbing his head to the music he threw his heart and soul into his performance until he could barely move to walk back out onstage for the encore. His body hurt and his voice was going but he didn't care. This performance had to be the best he'd ever given just for her. And he made sure it was.

Dom's face hurt from smiling. She'd spent most of the show pressed against the barrier, her head hurt and her nerves were buzzing from the excitement. She enjoyed every second of the performance and it hurt to leave the venue without even telling Gerard how much she'd loved the show. The cold air outside the ballroom sent a chill through her against the heat still radiating from the hordes of people spilling from the doors behind her. She pulled on the sweatshirt she bought at the merch table and glanced around for a cab.

She felt bad borrowing Bob's car so she held her arm out, hailing a cab and hopping in. She told the driver Bob's address and watched with a sad smile as the venue disappeared from view. Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket and she groaned at the name on the screen. She wanted to answer it, so bad, but she had to ignore it to pay the cab driver.

"How was it?" Bob asked when she stepped through the front door.

"Amazing, you would've had a blast too, Hermit." She teased and tossed her sweater on the kitchen counter. Bob scoffed and watched her grab a bottle of water form the fridge and lean against the counter.

"How come you didn't stay?"

"Baby steps," she sighed. "He knows where I am now. He'll tell the rest of the guys and we'll go from there I guess." She shrugged.

"Really?"

Dom sighed. "And I'm fucking terrified."

"You're a coward. Just fucking do it," Bob chuckled and shook his head. "Everything is such a project with you. Fuck."

"Hey, don't get pissy with me, this is hard."

Bob watched her for a second before letting out a long breath. "Okay, sorry. I know you're slowly getting there. Fine. But if he calls you, you better answer that fucking phone and meet up with him. I'm about to kick you out, bitch."

Dom stuck her tongue out at him, "You love me too much."

"Yeah you're lucky. I'm going to bed."

"Kay. Night," she waved and took another long drink of water. Bob shuffled off toward the stairs and she waited for the sound of his door to close before letting out a long sigh. She bowed her head and took a few slow breaths before her phone began buzzing in her pocket again. Pulling it out she hovered her thumb over the answer button. She couldn't avoid him forever so she hit answer only for it to go to voicemail before the call could connect.

"Fucking hell, man," she grumbled when her phone chimed letting her know she had two new voicemails. Without second thought she dialed her voicemail to see what he'd left her and held her breath when the sounds of the concert hall filled her ear.

"Hey Dom. Where are you? I saw you tonight and I'm not fucking leaving until I see you okay. We have a bit of a break before the next city and damn it I'm gonna find you. I swear to fuck if you're with Bob…." He trailed off and the noise from the fans outside filled his silence. "You probably are. Well, you can't avoid me forever. I'm going to find you Dom."

The phone clicked off and the voicemail beeped telling her she had one more message to check. She laughed when his cursing filled her ear and he demanded she call him back before hanging up.

"Wonderful," Dom grumbled to herself tossing the phone on the counter. "Well, I'm going to bed," she said and grabbed her sweater before shuffling up to her own room to fall asleep.

* * *

><p>Gerard cursed at his cell phone. Of course she would just disappear after the show, it was so Dom. Shaking his head he dialed one more time and got her voicemail again. He left a quick voicemail demanding she call him back before rejoining the band in their dressing room. Frank looked up from Ray's laptop and waved him over with a concerned look on his face.<p>

"What?" Gerard mumbled, sitting on the arm of Frank's chair.

"Dom sent us an email." He pointed at the screen. "She was here tonight?"

Gerard frowned. "Yeah, I noticed her… when I paused, 'member?"

"Oh shit," Frank leaned back in his chair and stuck his thumb in his mouth, chewing the nail. "Well, she apologized for not sticking around."

Gerard nodded, quickly reading the email. Dom had explained that she loved the show and couldn't wait to see them face-to-face but she didn't think that night was the best night to do so. Gerard scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Bullshit. If she's here I'm not fucking waiting. I've waited long enough," he yanked out his cell phone and marched out of the room. Mikey and Ray both looked up when he left, looking to Frank for explanation when the door slammed behind the lead singer. Frank shrugged and turned the computer so they could read the email as well.

"She's been in Chicago the whole time?" Ray was the first to speak and Mikey nodded.

"Yeah."

Both Frank and Ray turned to look at him but Gerard burst back into the room looking annoyed and tired.

"She won't answer her fucking phone," he tossed his into his bag and scowled.

"That's all right, Mikey was just going to explain why he knew Dom was here and didn't say anything," Ray said, his eyes on Mikey.

Gerard rounded on his brother with wide eyes. "What?"

Mikey shrunk under the intense stares from the rest of the band and shrugged. "I'd called Dom's cell and Bob answered. She said if I told you guys she'd be pissed so I promised I wouldn't say anything until she was ready to tell you guys."

"So she's been with Bob the whole time? Why the fuck didn't I think of that?" Gerard smacked his forehead. "Fucking idiot."

"You should go over there," Frank suggested.

"Yeah right, like Bob wants to see me."

"Well you need to sort shit out with her, get her to come back," Ray chimed in. "Or at least one of us should…"

"Fuck it," Gerard shook his head, shoving his hair out of his face. "I'm not gonna keep forcing her. If she doesn't want to see me now, fine. The ball is in her court. If I find her before then, cool. If I don't, oh well."

With that Gerard grabbed his stuff and made his way toward the door. "I'll be on the bus. Hurry up I'm fuckin' tired."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

A week had passed and Dom still hadn't gotten up the courage to actually talk to the guys. She went back to her routine of work during the day and painting and hanging out with Bob and his dogs at night. Bob took up the habit of nagging her about making the phone call when finally Dom gave up avoiding it and called Mikey.

"I was wondering who you'd call first," he answered.

"Ha. Ha."

"So when are you planning on gracing us with your presence, Oh Elusive One?"

Dom sighed and shrugged. "I don't know, Mikes. I wanted to se you guys so bad at the show and I chickened out…."

"It's just us, you know. It's not like we're gonna be angry or anything. We just want you back. For good this time. No more running away. Gerard, he jut wants to help you. That's all he ever wanted. You have no idea how messed up he is because of all this. Just come back, Dom."

"Okay! Okay." She sniffed back a few tears and sighed. "Listen, I work at Starbucks now. It's not the one you guys usually go to, it's closer to Bob's but I'm there every day from open to about four. Just let him know and if he shows up we'll see where things go."

"Good."

"You were great at the show, Mikey. You guys just keep getting better."

"Thanks, means a lot," He mumbled, the sound of talking filling their silence. "Well, Frank and Ray just got back from sight seeing and we're gonna grab some food so I gotta go."

"Okay."

"Bye Dom."

"Bye Mikes."

The phone cut off and Dom tossed hers onto Bob's desk. He grinned smugly at her over his computer and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Don't even," she warned.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," he teased but she returned to her latest project, pulling her headphones over her ears to drown Bob out.

"I don't want to know," she grumbled and dipped her paintbrush in a glob of black and ignored him.

* * *

><p>"You look lonely," a voice distracted Dom as she sipped a latte on her break. She looked up from the magazine she'd been paging through and nearly choked on the coffee.<p>

He smiled down at her and slid into the empty seat across the small table. Dom eyed him in disbelief as he picked up the magazine, glanced at the cover and tossed it aside, his long fingers coming to rest a few inches from hers on the table.

"What makes you say that?" Dom whispered.

"Your eyes," he leaned forward, brushing her bangs away from her face. His fingers brushed her cheek and she stiffened. "You just look down."

Dom blinked at him, unsure of what to say. "How are you here?" she finally whispered.

He shrugged with a crooked smirk and leaned back in his chair. "I heard there was a pretty new barista working in my favorite shop and I wanted to check it out. You should have told me you were coming to stay with Bob."

"Well…. Um… sorry," Dom laughed. "Where are the guys?"

"Doing their thing. We split up for the day."

Dom nodded, still stunned that he'd actually shown up. He looked great, his hair messy and recently dyed and his clothes rumpled from being out and about. He'd tucked his sunglasses in the front of his shirt and his eyes gleamed green in the light of the shop. He was beautiful.

"Don't tell them you found me here," she whispered. "Please."

"I can't make any promises but I'll try not to," he winked and Dom's breath caught.

"Gerard," she finally said his name and reached across the table, running her hands down his arms before wrapping her hands around her coffee cup. She wanted to kiss him but refrained and clutched the cup tightly.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Wait here, I'll take the rest of the day off." She jumped up and tossed her cup into the trash, jogging back around the counter and out of sight. Gerard watched her with a smile and sat back in his chair. He slipped his sunglasses back on and pushed his hair behind his ear. He hadn't expected Dom to be in the first Starbucks he'd tried, and seeing her through the shop window had almost knocked the wind out of him. He knew she'd been doing better, working, trying to work through her baggage, but he never expected to find her so soon.

"Come with me!" Dom reappeared; her cheeks flushed as she tucked her apron under her arm and grabbed his hand, tugging him up from his seat and out into the afternoon sun. She dragged him toward the end of the block without a word and he knew where she was taking him.

They ended up in a small park a few blocks away and Dom plopped down onto a bench and pulled him down beside her. Gerard watched as she stuffed her apron into her bag and rummaged around in its depths before yanking out a book. Her hands shook as she held it but she didn't seem to care. He watched her eyes swimming with tears and she hugged the book to her chest for a moment and then setting it in her lap.

"God I don't even know how to act," she breathed and a tear trickled down her cheek.

"I hope these are happy tears," he brushed it away.

"Yes, you have no idea," she grinned and rubbed her eyes.

"What's this?" he picked up the book and opened it. Dom visibly stiffened but didn't take it away. Gerard flipped through a few pages of her frantic scrawls before turning back the beginning to read what she'd written. It was a letter to her mother so he skipped it until he found one addressed to him.

"Do you mind if I read it?" he asked softly and Dom shrugged and nodded.

"I don't see why not. It's for you."

"Okay."

He ran his finger down the page before reading:

_Gerard,_

_I don't even know what to write. There's so much I wish I had the balls to say to you and here I am sitting here writing a letter I'm too chicken shit to send._

_I love you, Gerard, and it scares the shit out of me. I love everything about you whether it comes with drama or not and I hate that I keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore and that's why I left. But maybe leaving hurt you more than staying. I know it hurts me. It hurts me every day. Every time you pop into my head there's just pain. Pain and longing. I didn't want things to turn out this way. I don't think I even knew where I wanted things to turn out._

_Fuck, I didn't even expect to fall in love with you. But it's the best feeling no matter how much it hurts. But I know my family and I guess I'm just so terrified. The only thing I didn't want to become was my father and that's exactly who I've become and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for fucking up your life. I'm sorry for putting you in the position that jeopardized your relationship with Mikey. I'm sorry for making your life a living hell during my up and down recovery and I'm sorry that night happened, you know which one I'm talking about._

_But, I guess I'm not sorry that I love you because… well, isn't love supposed to be the one thing that keeps people going? Just knowing that you're happy (are you? I hope you are) keeps me going. I know I've gone up and down with the drugs and the intent to self-harm and I'm sorry for all that too. Don't really want to hurt myself because I know hurting myself will hurt you. It's just so hard sometimes. I don't know how to handle affection. I don't know how to return it. Why do you think I've only had stupid unattached one-night stands? You've been the only man I've really wanted anything more with. Not even Mikey. Yeah, I might be best friends with him, but I never saw him as anything more than that._

_It's you, Gee, you're the only one I've really cared about like that. When we met in art school. God, those years were so great. Freshman year was hard for obvious reasons, my dad constantly being drunk and me having to sneak out and all that shit. But after he was gone I've never loved life more._

_Remember my first night in rehab when you asked me why I was doing this to myself? I know the answer now. You're probably not gonna like it, but I know. I was doing all those things to myself because I was afraid of being in love with you because I didn't want to hurt you like my father hurt my mother and me. But you helped me, Gerard. You helped me get sober and I will always thank you for that._

_So thank you for helping me, Gee. I love you and hopefully one day I'll be able to actually tell you these things. I'm sure I'll think up more to say so there will probably be more than just this letter…But then again, maybe not. Maybe you will move on and I will move on too and all this will just be a distant part of our fucked up past. Just know that I never wanted to hurt you and hopefully one day I'll figure out how to fix that._

_I love you,_

_Dom_

Gerard closed the book and sighed. He could feel Dom beside him and he bowed his head. She shifted and he handed her the journal back.

"So," she started but Gerard shook his head.

"Just give me a second," he rubbed his face and turned to her. She had her lip between her teeth worrying it and he wanted to kiss her to make her stop. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest and debated what he wanted to say.

"Gee, say something," she rested her hand on his arm.

He glanced at her and scowled at the tears swimming in her eyes again. Sighing, he rubbed his eye and shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Dom?"

"Anything at this point," she breathed.

"I've loved you since college, I loved you then and I love you now. What more do you want?"

"But you said before that it wasn't the same…" she sniffed.

"I was lying."

"Why?"

"Because I thought it was better for us then. I thought maybe moving on would be a good idea. But then I saw you at the airport looking exhausted and beautiful and I realized I didn't want to be with anyone but you."

Another tear trickled down her cheek but she laughed as she wiped it away. "God, we sound like a fucking sappy chick flick."

"Dom, come on, I'm being honest here," Gerard sighed and she sniffed and nodded.

"I know, I know."

He leaned close to her, cupping the side of her face to pull her closer. Dom's eyes fell to his lips and she groaned. She closed the rest of the distance between them and wove her hand into his tangled hair. Their kiss was urgent but passionate and Dom found herself craving more as his other hand rested on her knee, squeezing gently.

"Come home with me," he whispered against her mouth. "Please."

Dom pulled away with wide eyes. "What?"

"Dom, we love each other, I want to be with you. Come stay with me after the tour. It's almost over anyway. We can be together and I can start the next album with the guys. It'll be great."

Dom fumbled for words and Gerard held up her diary. "You won't need to hide this shit anymore, okay? I'm here to help you just like you helped me before, remember? We've been helping each other get over shit since college. Just come with me."

"I—Gee, I don't," her mind was all over the place and she gaped at him. His eyes were bright with hope and excitement and it made her stomach tingle with uncertainty.

"Don't over think it," he interrupted her manic thoughts. "Just say yes. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't but just try. Please."

Swallowing hard Dom nodded. "You're right. I love you so much it hurts. I don't see why I shouldn't. But let me go back to New York first. Just to square away my loose ends there with Nat."

Gerard nodded unable to fight his smile. "Great. Yeah. Mikey will be thrilled too. We'll all be close together, you know. Like how it used to be."

"Yeah," Dom nodded, her enthusiasm much less. Her fingers shook just thinking about what she'd just agreed to but she knew she wouldn't regret it. She couldn't. No matter how terrified she was she loved Gerard and he loved her and that was all that mattered.

Gerard leaned forward and kissed her again, this time more forcefully and she could tell he was bubbling with excitement. His lips crushed hers but she pulled him closer anyway, deepening the kiss. The fear disappeared as he wound his arms around her and she gripped his shoulders roughly. His breath was hot on her face and their kiss grew hungry and Dom knew where it was headed. They'd been away from each other for so long and they both had needs. Needs that Dom had been trying to avoid since her encounter with Luke in New York but she could barely fight the fluttery feeling in her stomach as Gerard's hand snuck under her shirt, his fingertips cold against her back. Icicles shot up her back as he held her and she pulled away to breathe.

"Dom," Gerard whispered, his voice husky and low. "This isn't going to end well."

"You shouldn't have started it then," she replied and kissed him lightly before standing up. "Bob's not home until after seven."

"God, you're such a tease," Gerard wiped his mouth and stood up uncomfortably. "And I might have a little situation…"

Giggling, Dom pressed herself against him and bit her lip, "Then all the more reason to come home with me to fix it."

Gerard groaned and Dom grabbed his hand pulling him closely behind her back to Starbucks where her beat up car was parked at the far end of the lot. They both jumped in and Gerard shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Thank God Bob's place isn't far from here," he breathed.

Dom grinned evilly as she pulled into traffic. "You're lucky I'm horny or this wouldn't even be happening."

"You're cruel."

"Oh baby you have no idea." She winked playfully and sped toward Bob's house.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Mmm, cigarettes," Dom muttered as she opened the door to Bob's house, tossing the keys on the kitchen counter. She shrugged off her sweater and stepped aside so Gerard could follow her in. He chuckled as he closed the door and pulled Dom to him, kissing her again.

"You taste like coffee."

"I know," she smiled, entwining her fingers with his and grinning.

Pulling him toward the stairs, Dom led him to her bedroom and kicked the door closed behind her. She watched as Gerard studied the mess of her room, the desk covered in papers and doodles, the trashcan beside it overflowing with discarded sketch paper. Plopping onto the edge of her bed she kicked off her shoes and removed her apron while Gerard shrugged off his jacket and tossed it on the back of her desk chair. They stared at each other for a moment, their eyes locked as the silence stretched and then Gerard made the first move.

He crossed the room quickly, forcing Dom back into her pillows as his mouth crashed against hers. She gasped as he pulled her close, his hands slipping under her shirt as he kissed her. Gerard eased his hands up her back, pushing her shirt up. He smiled against her mouth at the feel of her smooth skin.

"You're so warm," he mumbled and she gasped again when he moved his kisses to her neck. Dom wriggled out of her shirt quick enough, her breaths desperate and uneven as Gerard went for her bra. She kept herself pressed close to him, a shiver of anticipation shooting up her spine at the brush of his fingers.

Gerard remained silent as he undressed her. He felt her shiver against him when he finally got her naked and grinned when she paused, realizing how very fully clothed he was. With a small groan she slid her hands under his shirt and pushed it up, her eyes dark with focus as his shirt and belt joined her clothes on the floor.

Once they were both free, Dom yanked her comforter over them and nuzzled her face in his neck. She could feel his 'situation' against her thigh and let her hands trail down his chest toward his hips. Gerard froze as her hands wandered and his breath hitched. A low groan escaped him when Dom's hands settled on his waist and she pushed her this against him. Another low moan left him when she slid her hand around, squeezing his butt before she planted a hot kiss on his lips.

"What are you waiting for," she whispered, her voice husky.

"No idea," Gerard grumbled, pinning her to the mattress. He slid his leg between hers, parting them easily and they both moan loudly when their hips joined. Dom's gasping breath filled the room as they moved together, her nails digging into Gerard's shoulders and a satisfied smile remained on her face. Her long hair brushed against Gerard's arms and through his fingers as he moved and her warmth soaked through his skin.

Her gasps turned into little moans and Gerard buried his head in her shoulder. Her smell enveloped him. That peachy smell of her shampoo mixed with her natural Dom smell. He pressed his lips to her skin and felt her body shudder. Her long moan of release only drove him forward and he quickened his pace.

"No, wait," she breathed, pushing her hand up his back. She shifted her weight, rolling him onto his back and letting her hair drape over them as she repositioned herself. Her eyes closed and she rocked her hips, surprising him.

The blanket fell from Dom's shoulders as she moved and their moans filled the quiet once again. Dom braced her hands on Gerard's shoulders, her nails biting into the skin again. Gerard stared at her, his hands resting on her hips. He was mesmerized. He couldn't take his eyes off her. From the little beads of sweat trailing between her breasts to the way her lips puckered when she moaned, it drove him insane. He pulled her down to him, kissing her again when the loud and very familiar noise of the front door opening made them both freeze.

"Holy shit," Dom gasped as the sound of footsteps on the stairs made her heart rush.

"Don't stop," Gerard groaned and she slapped him gently.

"Hello?" Bob's voice echoed and Dom cursed.

"Dom? You here? I saw your car out front…"

"Uh, shit!" she whispered only to blushed when the door opened and Bob froze, his eyes wide as Dom wrapped her arms around herself and Gerard lay beneath her with a crooked smile.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, you could have warned me!" he yelled, hiding his face in his hands.

"You didn't give me much notice!" Dom replied, finding the lost covers and pulling them over her tightly.

"I'm out of here," Bob turned quickly and closed the door, his footsteps fading much faster than before.

Dom let out a sigh, leaning forward to rest head on Gerard's chest. He laughed, his hands moving gently up and down her sides. The movement gave her chill bumps and she lifted her head to look him in the eyes.

"I feel like a teenager," she smiled. "Except Bob handled that much better than my Dad would have."

"Yeah, although I think my mom would have just given me a condom and said 'Carry on'."

Shaking her head, Dom pressed her lips to his and shifted her hips making him groan. She did it again, his groan a little louder and she heard Bob curse from the first floor.

"You really want to torture the guy?" Gerard asked as she moved her hips again.

"What do you think," she muttered with a slow breath.

She thrust her hips, making him grunt and he nodded, "As long as you keep doing that I'm in."

* * *

><p>"That was scarring, Dom," Bob muttered and she snorted, her cheeks bright red in embarrassment.<p>

"How many times do I have to apologize?" she glanced over her shoulder at him. Bob shrugged and watched her turn back to the painting she was finishing. She had a splash of yellow on her cheek but he didn't bother to let her know.

"You'll have to keep apologizing until I can block out you and Gerard fucking in my guest room," he grumbled. "Blegh."

"It's not like you've never had sex before, you prude," Dom laughed.

"That's different!"

"Oh my God, I'm dropping the subject," she put her hands up over her ears and Bob shook his head.

"Fine, but just know when you leave I'm sterilizing the shit out of that room. Like, Hazmat sterilize."

"Well I'm glad you brought that up because I have news," Dom finally dropped her paints and turned to look at him with a huge grin.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving."

"What?"

She nodded and stood up to join him on the couch. "I'm going back to New York for a few weeks to get all my stuff together and then I'm moving to LA."

"With Gerard?"

"Mhmm."

"Wow. Nice, I guess." Bob muttered, looking down at his hands. "Congratulations."

"You look upset."

He shook his head and stared at the TV for a minute. Dom frowned and nudged him. "Come on, you knew it was bound to happen sometime. I wasn't going to stay here forever."

"Yeah, I know. I guess I wasn't expecting you to leave so soon though."

"I'll come back to visit, I promise."

"Don't feel obligated, Dom. I know you've got a lot going on."

"Bob, you let me infest your house because I was too chicken shit to deal with all the bullshit in my life, I'm not obligated to come visit you. I want to because you're a great friend who let me stay with you in my time of need. Don't put yourself down."

He laughed and nodded. "I'm not. I mean, I just don't want shit to get weird now that you're back with Gerard and shit. You know it's kind of tense with us because of the whole band thing…"

"Oh, yeah, well I'm sure you guys can deal with it. You're men, you handle shit differently," she smiled. "And I don't think anyone holds anything against you for wanting to leave. You said yourself you hated the spotlight and I know how you feel about the guys now. I don't hold it against you and they shouldn't either. So it's done."

The two sat in silence for a moment, the TV filling the quiet between them. Dom leaned her head on his shoulder and patted his knee. Bob sighed and draped his arm across her shoulders and they sat and watched Jeopardy until Dom yawned loudly and pulled away from him to stretch.

"I'm beat," she sighed. "I think I'm gonna turn in for the night."

"Don't forget to wash the shit outta those sheets tomorrow," Bob called when she made it to the door her arms laden with her paint supplies.

"If my hands weren't full I'd flip you off," she shot and stuck her tongue out at him.

"I love you too!" he yelled as the door closed behind her and the water in the kitchen turned on.

* * *

><p>Hey peeps, here's the next chapter. Sorry it took so long, once again. I kind of suck at this updating thing. But I'm not giving up, I just have less free time cuz of work...and lack of motivation but that's because I'm in this weird depressive funk or something... Anyway, I feel this story is coming to a close within the next couple chapters. Well, more like four or five but you get my drift. Get Up While You Can will be ending soon and I'll focus my attention on my Killjoy story- If You're the Party, I'll be Your Poison, and maybe others in the future. So thank for sticking with me and I'll hopefully see you next chapter. :)<p> 


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

"Sit still." Frank muttered as his girlfriend squeezed his hand.

"I can't!" Nat squealed. She craned her neck, her eyes scanning the airport terminal eagerly. "Where is she?"

He glanced around lazily before turning back to Nat. She sat bolt upright in her chair, her short hair was pushed behind her ears and her eyes darted around the room, nearly popping out of her skull. She'd stiffen and squeeze his hand whenever she thought she saw her best friend and slouch when no one caught her eye. Frank could barely feel his fingers from the constant squeezing and he silently wished the girl would show up already.

"Frank!" Nat squeaked and almost yanked him out of his seat. He looked up as Nat stood and sighed at the recognizable curtain of black hair and throat voice that defined Dominica. The two women jumped up and down before parting and Nat held Dom's face. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was genuine as she spoke to his girlfriend.

"Oh, you look great! And your hair! It's so long!" Nat pulled her back into a hug and Dom coughed.

"Alright, alright, let her go before she suffocates," Frank placed a hand on both women's shoulders and pulled them apart. Dom gave him a wink before turning to him and opening her arms.

"Hi, Frankie," she said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "It's been a while."

He chuckled. "How long again? Since that show in Chicago?"

She shook her head and nodded, pulling away. "Yeah, about that."

"Yeah, about that," Frank mocked and they both laughed. "It's good to see you again, kid."

She nodded and grinned. "I missed you guys so much."

Nat pulled Dom away and Frank followed with a smile. He watched as his girl friend planted a kiss on Dom's forehead and dragged her towards baggage claim. He grabbed the forgotten carry on and followed after them with a chuckle. Dom had promised two weeks in New York before she moved out to LA. He had a nagging feeling these two weeks were going to be interesting.

* * *

><p>"Is there a reason we're here?" Frank stared up the dilapidated building that was Dom's old studio.<p>

He glanced over at her and she sighed with a shrug. "I just felt like I needed to come here."

He groaned and Nat nudged him roughly. "If she needs to be here, then let her be here."

"But—"

"Stop it, Frank."

Dom ignored the two of them, her focus on the building in front of her. She took a few steps forward and pushed open the rusted from door. The metal creaked as Frank and Nat followed her inside the drafty lobby. She glanced around, it hadn't changed much the years of being abandoned had gained it a few broken windows and piles of leaves in the corners of the lobby. Trash was scattered periodically along the stone floor and Dom kicked it away as she made her way to the stairs.

"I wouldn't go up there," Frank warned as she moved toward the door and she turned to see him and Nat standing just in the front door looking nervous.

"You don't have to come with me."

"No, you're not going alone," Nat marched to her side. She placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows at Frank who groaned and stomped over to them.

"Fine, let's just fucking get this over with."

With a satisfied smile Nat held her hand out from Dom to leave the way so she jogged up to the first floor and into the leaf strewn hallway. There were two doors lining the hall and she made her way to the one on the left, testing the rusted doorknob. When the door clicked open she moved into the space and sighed. The skylight that lit most of the room had been broken and puddles glimmered on the cement floor. Ratty furniture littered the room and a few newspapers that Dom kicked out of the way as she made her way into the middle of the room. She took a deep breath in and stared up at the dripping ceiling.

"Still smells like rain," she muttered.

"Yeah, fucking gross," Frank grumbled and Nat punched him in the stomach. "Ow! Fuck."

"Then be nice," she hissed and Dom turned at watch their whispered argument. A smile crept across her face as Nat poked him and he nudged her back before they paused and looked at her.

"Why aren't you two married yet?" she asked with a laugh.

Frank blushed, "Shut up."

"Seriously, though. You should just ask her already," Dom pressed. "I know you already have a ring."

Frank's cheeks flushed an even deeper red and Nat's jaw dropped.

"You do?"

Dom joined them by the door of the studio and draped her arm over her best friend's shoulders. "Oh man, you have no idea, babe. He's been planning almost everything. When he's gonna ask you to move in with him, when he's gonna propose. It's pathetic, really."

"Stop it, Dom."

"No, no I wanna hear this," Nat held her hand up as Dom continued.

"… When he wants to get married, have the first kid. You're set for life, chick."

Nat rounded on her boyfriend, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Is this true, Frankie?"

"Maybe?" he lied and she laughed.

"You were going to ask me to move in with you?"

"Yeah, after Dom decided to move to LA with Gerard. I just… I thought it was time, you know."

Nat stared at him expectantly and Dom nudged him lightly. "I think she's waiting for you to actually ask," she whispered.

"Oh, uh, so, will you move in with me?" he muttered and Nat jumped into his arms almost knocking him over.

"Fuck yes!" she laughed and kissed him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Dom gagged. "Jesus Christ I'm gonna vomit from all the adorable. Sheesh."

Nat flipped her off as she continued kissing Frank and Dom sighed. "Hurry up, the mood is gone. We should just go home."

"Why the hell did we even come here?" Frank asked as Nat finally let his face go.

"I just needed closure," Dom sighed as they exited the building. "It sort of fits. This place is out of commission, I'm moving forward. Or… trying to. Leaving this shit behind."

"Well, now we're going to your other studio because I have something for you," Nat grinned, grabbing Frank's hand and leading him down the stairs into the subway.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, just wait," she winked and thy waited patiently for the train, Nat and Frank sharing a few kisses while Dom stood away from them reading the graffiti on the wall.

"'Scuse me, miss," a gruff voice brought her out of her head an she turned, freezing at the familiar hazel eyes she'd grown to fear.

"K-Kurt," she whispered. "How the fuck…?"

He smirked at her through the hood he had over his face and his hand brushed hers, pushing a crinkled envelope into her hand. "Good to see you again," he winked before walking away leaving Dom a trembling mess as the train squealed to a stop and Nat called her to get on before it left her behind.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Dom folded the paper in her hands for the hundredth time. No matter how many times she read it she got chills. It'd been a week since she'd been home and she knew something was going to happen but this was too much. Leaning her head back on the train window she sighed and stuffed it in her pocket only to groan when Nat slid into the seat beside her.

"What's that?" she asked, dipping her hand into her pocket and pulling the crinkled paper out.

"Nothing," Dom lied but Nat already had it unfolded.

"'Welcome home, Dommie. See you soon. Luke.'" Nat read and Dom groaned.

"Where did you get this? How does he know…?" Nat asked.

"I don't know. Just leave it alone, okay. I'll deal with it."

"Right," Nat handed the note to Frank and he read it and handed it back.

"You should call the cops."

"Guys, just leave it alone for now. He won't bother me again today so just forget about it. Let's just get home now."

Nat frowned. "Fine. But we're dealing with this later I promise you that."

"Fine."

"Good."

The three remained silent for the rest of the train ride, the only noises being Nat and Frank kissing periodically until they hit their stop and made their way back above ground. Nat led the way back to their apartment and stopped just outside the door with a silly grin.

"I think you're going to enjoy this so here goes," she said, the excitement leaking into her voice as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. Dom rolled her eyes and stepped inside only to squeal when Ray and Gerard jumped out and yelled 'Surprise.'

"Oh my God," she breathed and rushed to Ray first, hugging him tightly. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah, just ignore me," Gerard grumbled and Dom turned to him with a smirk.

"Well I saw you and not Ray so calm your tits," she moved to him and entwined her hand with his. "By the way I'm loving the new hair color."

He gave her a crooked grin and she leaned on him, pressing her lips to his lightly.

"Hi." She whispered, nuzzling his neck before resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hi," he replied before wrapping his arm around her.

"Right and _you_ wanted to vomit," Frank mumbled, tossing his sweatshirt on the couch and plopping down.

Dom stuck her tongue out at him as Nat sat down beside Frank on the couch. They put their heads together, whispering about moving arrangements so Dom dragged Gerard toward her bedroom while Ray pulled a beer out of the fridge and turned the TV on.

"Where are we going?" Gerard asked as he followed, bumping into the wall as Dom yanked him into her room.

"Here," she grinned, making sure the door was closed before shrugging out of her sweater and dropping her bag on the floor. She sat on the bed, her legs folded under her and her long hair spilling over her shoulder. Gerard eyed her before sitting down next to her and running a finger through her hair.

"I can't wait 'til next week," he muttered, leaning close. "I want you to come with me now."

"I'm not even halfway packed yet, though," Dom sighed. "I can't."

Gerard ignored her, brushing his lips along her neck. Dom shivered as his breath fluttered over her skin and she felt the goose bumps on her arms. She leaned into Gerard's hand as he brought it to her face, his fingers pushing her chin up as he kissed her. Her eyes closed and he planted a kiss in her collar before pulling back.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Shouldn't start what I can't finish."

Dom laughed. "Too late for that."

"But—"

"You started it," she smiled, her hand sliding over his thigh. Gerard sucked in a breath as her lips slid over his jaw. He titled his head back and she kissed below his ear, making her way to his Adam's apple. It bobbed as he swallowed and she grinned, kissing down to his collar like he did her. Before she could go any further, however, the door burst open and Nat stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

"Okay, you can't just disappear whenever you're together. I swear if we forgot about you you'd already be fucking."

The two jumped apart, Gerard's face flushed while Dom glared at her roommate. She hopped up from the bed and moved to close the door again but Nat braced her hand on it to keep it open.

"Don't be rude, Dominica, or I'll tell them about that little reminder you got today."

Dom's head fell back and she groaned loudly. "I hate you sometimes."

"What reminder? What's she talking about?" Gerard asked and Nat smirked.

"I told you to forget about it," Dom growled between clenched teeth.

Nat grinned evilly and pushed past her into the room. She took a seat at the desk chair and dug around in Dom's sweater, pulling out the crinkled note. She handed it to Gerard and watched as his lips moved while he read the short note.

"How did he even find out you came back?"

"I don't know."

"And what does he mean by 'see you soon'?"

"No idea."

"I suggested we call the cops but Dom just wants to forget about it." Nat sighed and Gerard shook his head.

"We're not forgetting anything. This shit needs to be settled."

Dom rubbed her hands over her face and her shoulders slumped. "I know. I just want it to end as much as you guys do. I just don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where to go from here."

"Just keep an eye out, don't go anywhere by yourself. Me and Ray will stay here instead of his place in case anything happens."

"You really don't have to," Dom piped up but he shook his head, cutting her off.

"No, I won't leave you alone with that asshole still gunning for you. The dude's got some major control issues and he needs to learn that you're not his property."

"Yeah, I know that but you still don't need to follow me around. I can handle myself." Dom protested. "I'm more worried about what he'd do to you guys. He almost killed Ray the last time you got into it. Remember?"

"He didn't almost kill him, that was a little club scuffle. We're staying here." Gerard said, his tone final.

"Fine." Dom sighed.

"Great, you can help her pack too. Maybe you guys can get out of here faster… before anything happens."

"Oh my God, nothing is going to happen. Can we just go have fun please? I'm suffocating in this shit." She grabbed her sweater and sighed. "Please, guys. I need to, like, go for a walk or something."

"Dom, no, come back," Nat jumped up as Dom made her way back out into the living room. Gerard followed the two women and Frank and Ray looked up from their places on the couch as they paraded into the room.

"Someone come for a walk with me before I go insane." Dom said, leaning against the front door. "Hurry up or I'm going by myself."

"Fuck that," Gerard and Frank said together.

"I'll go," Ray piped up but Gerard stepped forward looking stern,

"No, stay here, I'll go."

"You sure?" Frank asked, looking between Nat and Dom.

"Fine, let's go," Dom held the door open and Gerard stepped through cautiously. As soon as the door closed behind them Frank turned to his girlfriend with eyebrows raised.

"What the fuck just happened?"


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

For a Wednesday night the club was surprisingly packed, nearly wall-to-wall with dancing people. The drinks were flowing and the music pumping. VIP was almost full and business was top notch for the night. Darryl sat back at his desk and glanced down at the top floor of the club. The glass windows were tinted so no one but his employees knew where his office was, and the disco ball occasionally shone into the space. He propped his hands behind his head and sighed only to sit bolt upright when a familiar face caught his eye in the corner of the club. Grabbing for his walkie he moved to the large glass panes and watched as his unwelcome guest moved through the crowds, obviously following someone.

"Hey, Jerry, who's on the door tonight?" he said into the microphone and his head of security responded almost immediately.

"The new kid, Jace."

"Does he know the banned list yet?"

"He should, why?"

"I'm looking at one of the top people on it."

"Fuck." Was the last of Jerry's replies and the walkie went silent. Darryl knew Jerry would be on another frequency reaming the new kid a new one so the situation was handled. Darryl continued to watch the man creep through his club, his bouncers following him closely, when his eyes caught the couple his unwelcome guest was following. Cursing under his breath he grabbed the walkie again and changed the frequency.

"I want all my bouncers to stand down. I'll handle this one. Stay by the exits and keep an eye out for anyone who tries to leave through anywhere but the main exit. Keep the police on speed dial and for god's sake don't kill anyone. I'll keep you posted."

Tucking the walkie onto his belt he made his way toward the office door and down the metal stairs into the back dressing area for his employees. He glanced around to make sure everyone who was supposed to be on break, was, and continued out into the VIP section where his more prestigious guests drank and flirted with his bartenders. He nodded briefly at the two bouncers guarding the two exits and his own cousin standing at the entrance checking wristbands and slipped out and down the stairs into the main club.

As Darryl waded through the throng of dancing people he found the two people he'd been headed towards and reached out, grabbing the closest one by the shoulder. He turned, ready to curse and then stopped, a smile spreading across his face instead.

"D! How are you, man? It's been forever!"

"Gerard Fucking Way," he held his arms open and pulled the smaller man into a quick hug. "Good to see you." The girl he was with spun around when she noticed her boyfriend's absence from her side and she rushed to them, her familiar long hair hanging loose around her shoulders in dark waves. "Pocahontas," he nodded with a crooked smile and she hugged him quickly.

"Hi D."

"What brings you two into my club after so long?" he asked, leaning low so it wasn't obvious they were speaking to the owner of the club.

Dominica leaned in to whisper in his ear, her hand on his shoulder. "I just needed to get out and clear my head."

"You know you have a tail, right?"

She nodded and chewed the side of her lip. "I'm also trying to end this shit. I'm leaving New York and I want this crap to end here. I can't live looking over my shoulder all the time."

Darryl nodded. "I understand but it can't happen in my club. Here, take these and head to VIP," he handed her two wristbands. "My cousin will keep your little shadow out. Hang out in VIP for an hour and then come through to my office. I'll let the bouncers know what's going on and we'll talk in my office, okay."

"Thanks, D."

"Anything for my Pocahontas," he winked and she hugged him again.

"See you in a bit."

Parting ways, Darryl cut back through the crowd. He took a detour to the main bar to make sure everything was all right up front. His main girl, a tall blonde he'd nicknamed Rapunzel for her waist length locks and big blue eyes, assured him everything was fine-busy-but fine, so he made his way through a side hall only available to his employees and slipped through VIP to his office.

Dominica and Gerard where engrossed in conversation with his cousin both sipping what looked like diet colas and talking with smiles. A fourth person joined them and he was about to grab his walkie when he recognized the curly tresses of Ray Toro. The guitarist looked relieved and Dominica looked furious but they resumed conversation quickly, Gerard leaving to get Ray a drink.

Moving to his desk, Darryl took the quiet time to sit and prop his feet up. He knew that with Dominica came drama. She was a magnet for it. It made him cringe even if he loved her like a little sister. Shaking his head he tossed his walkie on the desk only to frown when it crackled back to life.

"Hey, Boss," Jerry's voice echoed in the quiet room. "Uh, I think we've got a problem."

* * *

><p>Dom glared over the edge of her glass at Ray. She'd told him to stay at her apartment with Frank and Nat but of course, he worried and just had to come after them. Now they sat in the VIP lounge of her former place of employment and, of course, she now had three shadows: Ray, Gerard and an unknown member of Luke's posse. She'd had a feeling he'd somehow slip into the club no matter how many bans were circulated around the scene. Because he was a drug dealer, and a relentless one at that, he had gotten himself banned at almost half the clubs in the city. And he was banned in Darryl's club because he'd physically violated her in the back alley.<p>

The hair on her arms stood up just remembering that night and she shivered, scooting closer to Gerard. His arm wrapped instinctively around her and she took another sip of her drink. At least two of her shadows were on her side. She needed them close because her gut told her this night was far from over.

"Hey, you okay? You're shivering," Gerard muttered into her ear, pulling her from her thoughts.

Dom cleared her throat and smiled. "Yeah, fine. I guess I'm just a little nervous. It's been a while since I've been back here. It's refreshing and nerve wracking at the same time."

"Maybe we should go somewhere quieter? That bookshop you liked a few blocks away is open late," he suggested but she shook her head. Her nerves were already shot and they were just going to get worse.

"No, let's just stay here. Besides, D wants to talk to us anyway."

"You're sure?"

Dom nodded again. "Yes. Let's go now and get it over with."

Gerard nodded and stood. "Ray, come with us."

The group entered the office to find Darryl standing in the middle of the room, a voice echoed around the space and Dom frowned at the familiar sound. It was Jerry. Darryl held his hand up as Gerard closed the door behind them and Dom listened to Jerry on the walkie.

"-think he's got guys scattered a few blocks over. I don't know how you want to handle it with them in the club but be advised that they're not getting far when they leave."

"Okay. Thank you Jerry, I'll let you know. They're here now. We'll figure something out."

"What's going on?" Ray was the first to speak up and Darryl pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed,

"You guys better sit," he gestured to the chairs by the window and they sat, Darryl resuming his seat behind his desk. He took a moment to gather his words before looking to Dom who sat wide-eyed across from him, her hands wrapped tightly around the arm of her chair.

"You don't have just one shadow," he started slowly. "There's about four or five of Luke's guys in the club tonight and who knows how many outside. They're watching the exits. If you leave here tonight, I don't know what's going to happen."

Dom nodded and chewed the inside of her cheek. Of course he wouldn't actually come into the club, that would just be stupid, but lurking until she came out was something Luke was a pro at and she knew what to expect. The only issues were Gerard and Ray. They'd get pulled into it again and she didn't want to risk them getting hurt when they left.

"I know what you're thinking and it's not going to happen," Gerard interrupted Dom's thoughts. His eyes were narrowed at her and he reached across and took her hand. "You're not going to ditch us tonight. You'll end up dead."

She opened her mouth to protest but Darryl cut her off. "He's right. If you leave by yourself tonight, we'll end up hearing about you tomorrow morning on the news. It's not happening."

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't stay here forever and I'll be damned if I let you three get into it. Ray almost ended up in the hospital last time!"

The tears sprang to Dom's eyes before she could stop them and she cursed. She wasn't even sad, just frustrated. Wiping at her eyes she blinked a few times and swallowed the lump in her throat. No, this was going to end tonight because she was sick of running. She knew Gerard and the other guys were sick of dealing with it too. So it had to end.

"We can keep an eye on you until you leave. If any of Luke's guys come within ten feet of you we'll know," Darryl tapped his walkie. "Jerry has the cops on call. If Luke even comes close to this place he's a goner."

"Yeah, but he's not that stupid," Dom muttered. "He might not be the smartest guy but he's not that dumb. He's not going to just waltz in here."

"Well, that's where you come in, Pocahontas," he turned to her. "If we want to get this guy we have to get him. You have to wear a tracker so we know where you are when you leave. If he picks you up somewhere we need to know where you are so we can get the police to you before something happens."

"He looks for them," Dom stood up, her hand falling from Gerard's. "Luke has this thing he uses on his boys and new customers that checks for any type of device. Hell he barely accepts cell phones in his presence."

Darryl rustled through his desk and pulled out the new equipment he'd gotten from a friend. The thing was tiny and hardly noticeable. Dom leaned close to look at it and laughed.

"He's not gonna fall for the microphone tooth thing, come on. That's bad spy movie shit right there."

"Well it's all we got. And it's not a microphone, it's just a GPS chip so cool your jets," D made his way around the desk and grabbed Dom's face. She rolled her eyes and loosened her jaw so he could plant the thing in her molar. Her nose scrunched after it was in place and she frowned.

"Either your hands are filthy or this thing tastes like rusty metal. Where did you get this crap anyway? Are you a secret spy or some shit?"

"I have friends in strange places," Darryl muttered, ignoring the looks from his three guests. Dom stepped away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't look pleased at all but he felt better knowing she couldn't disappear.

"Just let me know when you leave and I'll turn the tracker on. Don't worry, kid, you'll be fine."

"Fine." Dom waved him off, stomping out of his office with Gerard and Ray quietly in tow.

Darryl watched the group leave and fell back into his desk chair. He palmed the walkie before tossing it on the desk with a sigh.

"Long fucking night," he grumbled and sighed when the walkie crackled on again. "Too fucking long."

* * *

><p>So...I forgot I had this story on here. Sorry guys. aIt took me for fucking ever to finish this chapter. Sorry about that roo. I fail at keeping interest in stories now-a-days and it shows. : Oops. But this one is ending soon. I'm working on Chapter 38 now so hopefully it'll be done sooner than this one. Again, sorry I fail at life.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean this is serious shit," Ray piped up as he followed Gerard and Dom through the pulsing crowds of the club.

"What the hell else can I do?" Dom shouted back at him over the music. "I'm sorry but I need to get the fuck out of here I'm starting to feel claustrophobic."

Gerard froze in mid stride and Ray bumped into him.

"Already?"

"What?" Dom nudged a drunk brunette out of her way, a few drops of the chick's drink splashing her arm but she ignored it.

"You want to go out there already? Are you sure?" He looked terrified, his eyes wide and full of emotion and his eyebrows high as he watched her.

"Yeah, I want to leave now." She nodded and both men frowned at her. "Don't look at me like that."

Dom rolled her eyes and turned away from them, making her way toward the lesser-crowded area around the edge of the dance floor. She waited for Ray and Gerard to catch up and sighed. "Listen. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick and then I need to leave. I'm not going to put this off anymore, okay?"

Gerard still looked pissed and terrified but he nodded, his jaw locked closed. Ray nodded behind him and she relaxed a little.

"Good. I'll be right back."

She pushed through the throng of people toward the main lobby and slipped into the bathroom. The music was a low thump through the walls and there were a few women fixing their hair in the mirrors. None of them looked up as she locked herself in a stall and leaned against the wall. She stared at the ceiling and took a few deep breaths. She barely got two in and out before a rush of emotion slammed through her sending her to her knees. Her eyes unwillingly filled with tears and she clasped her hands over her mouth to muffle the sobs. She trembled and could barely keep her crying stifled as she listened to the bathroom door open and close a few times. Breathing through her nose, Dom listened to the hum of the lights overhead and realized she was finally alone.

"Oh my God," she whispered, letting out a few more sobs and wiping at her face. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."

Grabbing the toilet paper in the stall she dragged a few pieces across her cheeks to at least get the tears off her face. She knew she was puffy and red-eyed so she wouldn't even try to cover it up but at least her face was dry. Taking one more deep breath she unlocked the stall and stepped out into the empty bathroom. She moved to the sink and splashed her face a few times, grabbing some paper towel to dry it off. Glancing in the mirror she frowned at her smeared makeup and tried to fix her eyeliner to little avail.

Behind her another stall clicked open while she patted the last of the water from her face. She didn't bother to look up until the person joined her at the sink. Her heart skipped a few beats when a hand slid around her waist and something cold and sharp slid under her chin.

"Fuck," she managed to whisper before her mouth was clamped shut by the knife under her chin.

"Evening, Dominica," his voice was rough and his accent thick as he pressed himself against her. She could feel every breath he took he was so close to her. Squeezing her eyes closed, Dom tried to breathe through her nose and steel her nerves. If she was going to get through this she needed to focus and not get scared.

"How's it going, Petey?" She said through gritted teeth.

"Swimmingly now that I've found you," he chuckled and Dom squirmed she tried to elbow him in the ribs to get loose but the knife dug harder into her throat. Inwardly cursing she fell limp and sighed.

"I guess you'll be escorting me out, then?"

"You got it." The Irishman pulled the knife away from her for a split second only to grab her arm and twist it so she couldn't try anything. He unlocked the women's room door and pulled it open. A line had formed outside the door and a few of the half-drunk women voiced their angry opinions as the two walked back out into the club. Gerard was the first to notice her but he paused when he saw Pete close behind her and her arm twisted behind her back.

"I forgot about those two," Pete drawled and pulled out his phone. Before he could dial Dom whipped her head back, catching the phone before he could say anything. It fell from his hand and slid across the floor into the crowd.

"Oops," Dom grinned, wincing when Pete twisted her arm further in punishment.

"Let's go," he shoved her toward the nearest exit and they made their way into the street. A black car was waiting for them and Pete shoved her into the back seat while he slid into the passenger side. The doors slammed and locked leaving Dom to nurse her arm as the car jerked forward into the late night traffic.

* * *

><p>"What the hell is she doing in there?" Ray muttered, glancing at the women's bathroom again and sighing.<p>

Gerard's jaw clenched as he watched her disappear and shrugged, checking his phone. Letting out a sigh he was at least relieved that he'd already texted Darryl to turn on her GPS and nothing had happened since.

"Maybe she's just trying to catch her breath?" he suggested when his phone vibrated in his hand. Checking his texts he tensed at the words on the screen. 'She's moving—D'.

"Ray," Gerard mumbled but the guitarist was too busy trying to see into the bathroom every time a woman stumbled out. "Ray!" Gerard grabbed his shoulder and pulled him toward the exit where Jerry stood with his arm folded. He eyed the two smaller men before stepping aside with a quick nod. They took the steps three at a time, bursting out of the club into a side alley they led back out onto the New York City streets.

"I'll call Darryl you keep and eye out," Ray said, already lifting his phone to his ear. He spoke fast and a few minutes later two of the club's guards rounded the corner with earpieces and loaded guns.

"Shit," Gerard whispered. "This is a little too real for me."

* * *

><p>Dom knew exactly where Pete was taking her. She had gotten dragged to the dirty hangout where Luke did business many a time. She stuck her tongue in her cheek as the car drove toward the outskirts of the city and poked at the molar GPS in her mouth. She prayed it was on and glanced at Pete who had his eyes on her.<p>

"What's the matter, Dommie? You scared?" he mocked.

"Should I be?" she asked defiantly and he smirked.

"This time? Yes, yes you should."

"Oh, I'm shaking in my boots," she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

Pete chuckled and shook his head, "You should be."

"Mhmm."

The car came to a stop and Pete checked his watch. He tapped the back of the driver's seat and the doors unlocked. He grabbed Dom's arm and shoved the door open, pushing her into the darkened apartment that had been her stomping grounds for ages when she was too doped up to function. The scattered memories hit her hard and she had to take a second to clear the sudden dizziness that struck her.

"Let's go," Pete said, pushing her toward the back master suite that Luke used as his office. The door was already open and she could smell the musty old smoke that always permeated the space mingled with the potent smell of weed. She could see Luke sitting at his desk chewing gum and typing something on his laptop. He looked up when the two entered and grinned, his gum poking out between his white teeth. She forced a sarcastic half smile and grunted when Pete shoved her down into the chair closest to the desk.

"Hello, my Dommie," he leaned forward, his arms bulging as his weight shifted.

"Luke," she bit out.

"You've been putting me through quite some trouble." He ignored her tone and she sighed.

"I don't know why, Luke. I'm not yours. Never was."

She saw his temper flare and smiled. "You're a fucking psycho and I don't want you near me. I don't want you trailing me, stalking me. I swear to God, Luke, if you don't stop this someone's going to end up dead and it's _not_ going to be me."

He barked a laugh and pushed his chair out and stood. Dom tensed when he made his way around the desk but relaxed a little when he leaned against the edge. She quietly measured the distance between them, ready for anything.

"You'll never get rid of me, Dommie. You're mine; you've always been mine. Even when you were with that singer you were mine."

Letting her own temper flare she growled and leaned forward. "I am not property! Not yours or Gerard's, I am my own person. Stop treating me like I'm some used couch or something that you just lend out to other men."

Luke clicked his tongue and shook his head. "You're much more valuable to me than an old couch. I'm hurt."

Dom rolled her eyes. "Of course you are."

"Well now that I've got you back I think you should re-acquaint yourself with our bedroom. I've missed you an awful lot, Dommie. I think you should give me a little coming home gift."

"You touch me again I'll fucking rip your dick off," she said fiercely as Pete grabbed her from behind. She struggled with him when he tried to pull her out of her seat and managed to get one of her arms free. She swung back, catching Pete in the face and his grip loosened. Swinging out again she knocked him away from her and rounded on Luke.

"I'm done with this shit!"

Whipping her hand back she swung at him but Luke was too big to even flinch. He caught her fist and wrapped his arm around her, fisting his hand in her hair and pulling her head back. Seething, she tried to rip herself away but he had too much hair.

"Let me go."

"Not this time, babe," he whispered and pressed his mouth to hers. She kept her mouth closed tight and he tried to pry her lips apart with his tongue.

When he pulled away Dom spit in his face and grinned. His grip loosened in her hair but he didn't let her go like Pete had. She tried to wriggle out of his grip but her hair was too long and Luke kept a hard grip on her.

"Ah-ah, I don't think so."

"Luke, I'm done with this stupid game."

"Well lucky for you, I'll never be."

She fought against him again but he was done with her. He passed her off to Pete and he led her back down the hall. Dom gave up struggling and prayed her little GPS was on. It was a miracle no one tried to pat her down yet but then again, Luke had always been lenient with her.

"You remember this room, don't you?" Pete whispered, pushing the door open and shoving her in.

The room was just as she remembered, a large king size bed made with black satin sheets and tons of pillows. The window was covered with dark red curtains and the lighting was dimmed.

"Oh how romantic," Dom mumbled when Pete pushed her onto the bed.

"Wait here, he'll be in soon."

Dom watched him go and waited for the door to close before making her way to the window. She shoved aside the curtains and yanked at it, cursing when it didn't budge. She froze when the door opened again and spun around, steeling herself at the sight of Luke in the doorway.

"Oh, it's you."

"You can drop the act, Dommie. No one's watching," he chuckled and moved to the bed. He smoothed a spot beside him but Dom stayed by the window and eyed him carefully. She knew he kept weapons on him at all times and tried to gauge which ones he had strapped to him this time.

She knew Luke thought she was checking him out as her eyes moved from his broad shoulders down his chest. He flexed when her eyes hit his arms and down toward his belt. The tent in his pants made her stomach roll but she was careful not to show any emotion. She could see the bulge under his shirt where he tucked his gun and wondered if there was a knife strapped to his thigh. The only way to find that out would be to get his pants off so she locked away her emotions and went in for the kill.

She took the few steps across the room and sat down beside him, resting her hand behind him. Leaning close to his ear she breathed softly against his neck like she knew he liked.

"I guess I should, huh?" Luke grinned and nodded. He had goose bumps on his throat and arms so she made best with what she had and slid a leg across his lap. Avoiding his bulge she pushed the hem of his shirt up, feeling the rock hard abs beneath. She had to fight the cringe and looped her hands around his back, pulling the gun out of his pants. When he jumped she bit the bullet and pressed her lips to his while her fingers emptied the clip and shoved the bullets in her pocket. Luke wrapped an arm around her, hugging her to him and she stiffened, trailing her hand up his back.

"I missed you," Luke breathed when their lips parted and he combed his hand through her hair.

"I know," she nodded, letting her hands roam to his front. She popped the buckle on his belt and he laughed again, letting her push him onto his back.

She made quick work of his pants, shoving them down past his knees. There was a knife strapped to his thigh as she'd hoped so she crawled up to his waist and let him play with her pants. AS she ran her fingers over the Velcro holding the knife he stopped and ripped it free himself, tossing it on the side table and returning his attention to her pants.

"God damnit," Dom mumbled and shoved Luke back down onto the bed. She'd have to play careful now that the weapons were out of reach. When he tried to shove her pants away she hopped off him with a sly smile and shook her head.

"Don't get greedy, now," she clicked her tongue and palmed the bulge between his legs. Luke let out a groan and his head fell back. He grabbed her hand and made her squeeze harder, his moans mounting in volume.

Dom didn't look at what he was making her hand do, it made her sick just feeling the thickness pressing into her palm. She swallowed, trying to keep the emotions locked but all she wanted to do was vomit and take a really scalding shower. Luke's moans brought her back to reality and she bit down hard on her lip when he pushed his boxers away, his erection springing away frm the fabric, the tip already dripping with precum. Trying not to gag she let him close her hand around it and moved her hand slowly. She kept her eyes on his face, waiting for his eyes to close. The second his head fell back with pleasure she leaned slightly, her hand scraping the table when Luke jerked, making her turn back to him.

Fighting another gag she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, leaning back toward the table. This time she wrapped her hand around the blade and pulled it to her, sucking in a breath when it cut into her palm.

"Dommie, baby," Luke gasped and she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. She took a quick glance at Luke's face and fought the urge to actually cut his dick off. Instead she tucked the knife into her pocket and waited for Luke to finish. She closed her eyes in disgust as he gasped and moaned through his orgasm and quickly pulled her hand away when he was done. He sat up and grabbed her arm, forcing her eyes open.

"Your turn," he grinned but she didn't budge. He grabbed both her arms and shoved her back onto the bed but Dom was prepared. As he leaned over her and bared his teeth she kneed him hard between the legs. He grunted and his eyes bugged out but instead of keeling over like she'd wanted he let his weight buckle o top of her. She gasped and tried to get out from his bulk but he kept her pinned.

"Get the fuck off me," she gasped but Luke just laughed.

"Nice try, Dom, but you're not going to get out of this that easily. Not when I have you pinned."

"No! Fuck you!" she shrieked and wriggled again only for Luke to yank at her pants. Dom cursed a few more times and clawed at Luke's arms but nothing helped. She was trapped. Silently praying Gerard was on the way with a fleet of cops she reached into her pocket and palmed the knife, stunned Luke hadn't noticed the bulge in her pocket. She whipped it out and slashed at him, cutting a deep line across his chest.

"God damn it, woman!" he cursed and pulled away from her long enough for her to get her legs free. Dom rolled off the bed quickly and ran for the door, yanking it open and jetting down the hall.

* * *

><p>I finally finished this story. No, this chapter isn't the end but there's only 2 more left. Writing this story has been long and painful for some reason and I'm so glad I finally just fucking sat down and wrote the last 2 chapters. I want to apologize before hand because the ending is fucking cheesy as all hell but these characters deserve a bit of cheese after all the crap I put them through. I just wanted to say thanks for reading and sorry the writing quality has dipped since the beginning. This is the story that was supposed to bring me back from ages of not writing anything at all and I guess it did that. i finally finished something. -pats self on back- Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you'll stick with me for the next two final chapters :)<p> 


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Frank cursed and checked his watch for the hundredth time that hour. It was nearing four AM and he hadn't heard anything from Ray or Gerard about Dom. Nat shifted in her sleep, snuggling her head into his chest and smiling but the small unconscious action barely affected him. Carefully getting up off the couch and propping Nat's head against a pillow he crept toward the front door and stepped out, sitting on the landing and pulling out his phone.

At first nothing showed up and he was about to let loose a string of curses when it beeped and vibrated with a text from Ray and a text from Gerard. He opened Ray's first and frowned before opening Gerard's.

'Ran into some trouble, if you don't hear from me or Ray in three hours call the police—G'

"What the fuck?" Frank muttered to the empty hall. Not even thinking he dialed a number he'd only had to dial twice since meeting Dom and prayed Darryl hadn't deleted his number.

"Who is this and how'd you get my number," the familiar deep voice of the club owner greeted Frank on the third ring and he sighed with relief.

"My name is Frank Iero, I'm a friend of Dominica's and you know Gerard, we're in a band together…" he rambled and Darryl stopped him.

"Yeah-yeah, what do you want I'm kind of busy," he barked and Frank got to the point.

"I got a few curious texts and I was wondering what was going on. It didn't sound good."

"From who?" he asked.

"Ray and Gerard. I haven't heard from Dom in hours. What's going on?"

Darryl cursed and the noise on the other end cut off. Frank checked the screen to make sure the call was still connected but Darryl's voice rang from the speaker so he held it back to his ear.

"You know Dom's ex Luke, right?"

"Yes."

"Well he's been tailing her since she came back to the city and she was steamed about it when she got here tonight. I was going to send her home but his boys obviously had other plans. She and Gerard were trying to leave when one of them picked her up from right underneath my nose. Don't worry, though, I know where she is and there's a shit ton of cops, plus my guys going after her right now. If that prick tries anything he's a goner."

Frank scoffed. "Yeah that's what they told us last time and Dom's had to look over her shoulder ever since.

Darryl's response was a grim grunt and he heard the phone shift. "I don't think you'll have a problem with him after this time. They're not going to let him get away twice."

* * *

><p>Dom heard the sirens before Pete did and took his momentary distraction to slam her shoulder into his chest and knock him off balance. She ducked and rolled toward the door at the end of the hall and yelped when Pete grabbed out for her, his arms wrapping around her waist. Letting out a shriek she kicked, landing a foot in his gut. He grunted but she didn't stop for a reaction and kicked him again, wriggling free of his grip.<p>

"Not this time," she breathed and jumped to her feet, grabbing the doorknob and yanking so hard she almost pulled the thing out of door. It took her a few yanks but it finally opened and she tumbled down the flight of stairs leading out into the street.

"Over here!" she screamed only to fall with a muffled 'Oomf!' when someone tackled her from behind. The blood smeared down her arm let her know who it was and she let out another strangled shriek.

Luke was on her and flipped her over on the sidewalk. He thanked the heavens no one was outside tonight and pinned his girl between his thighs, wrestling the knife away from her.

"There we go," he grinned but Dom's hands were free so she balled one into a fist and swung hard, getting him in the mouth. She smiled when his lip began to bleed and reared back to fire off another one when he grabbed her wrist and twisted. "What did I tell you about that, baby?"

"Fuck you," she spat and tried to knee him again. "Get off me."

"Not this time. I don't care if we have an audience I'll take you right here," he smiled devilishly as the sirens grew louder. The first squad car flew around the corner and Dom let out a wail as Luke continued to twist her wrist.

She eyed the knife not far from them and tried to lunge for it, grinning when Luke got to it first and leveled it above her, ready to strike.

"Put the weapon down!" a booming voice interrupted their fight and Luke looked up at the blinding spotlight three squad cars had trained on them.

"Fuck that," he ignored the cops and returned his focus on Dom.

"Sir, Drop the weapon and move away from the woman!"

"Shut the fuck up!" he roared at them and dropped Dom's wrist long enough to dip his hand into the pocket of his still unzipped jeans. He pulled out his handgun and Dom took her opportunity. Acting as quickly as she could she shoved the heel of her hand into his nose and grabbed his gun hand as he fell back. He squeezed off a few rounds into the air and all hell broke loose, guns firing and noise everywhere. Dom ended up facedown on the concrete with her hands over her head.

With ringing ears and a confused look she sat up and screamed. Her jeans were covered in blood and she had scratches all over her arms. A police officer offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet.

"It's ok now. You're safe." Shaking, she chanced a look at the sidewalk and she finally let loose the vomit she'd been holding down. The officer rubbed her back soothingly as she threw up into the gutter before helping her to one of the nearest squad cars.

"He's dead."

* * *

><p>Dom stood under the shower for what seemed like hours. Her vision blurred and she just stared at the drain. The blood had long since washed away but she didn't move, his breathed slowly and let the now lukewarm water drip off her face. She'd heard people knocking a while ago but ignored them, letting the events of the night replay in her head. Luke was dead. She was free of him. Finally.<p>

"If you're trying to drown yourself, it's not going to work!" Nat's singsong voice called from outside the bathroom door.

Dom ignored her and didn't bother to turn off the water. She was stuck just watching the water swirl down the drain. She needed this time to herself. No more poking and prodding, no one to ask her questions. She'd already spent hours at the police station answering private questions and reliving things she never wanted to bring to the surface again. Now she needed all of it to wash away from her skin, her memory. But she knew she'd never feel clean enough, not after so long. She was damaged and she felt horrible but she had a light at the end of the tunnel. As if he knew she was thinking about him Gerard's voice broke through the steamy haze.

"Dom? Are you okay?"

No. Yes. Maybe? She finally looked away from the drain and ran her hand over her face, wiping the water away. She could hear him shuffling awkwardly outside the bathroom door. A smile flitted across her lips as she turned the water off and wrapped a towel around her.

"You can come in, I didn't lock it," she called out and the knob turned. He had changed out of his clothes into a pair of Mikey's Star Wars pajama pants and a black t-shirt. She shook her head and began wringing out her hair into the tub.

"Hey," was all he said, leaning on the sink counter and fiddling with a toothbrush.

Dom eyed him, her eyes prickling with tears she really didn't feel like shedding. She felt hollow yet confused and exhausted. Her heart beat slow but her head wouldn't shut up.

"Do you ever wear your own clothes?" she asked, forcing a smile.

"Yes!"

She raised her eyebrows. "Right."

"Hey, The clothes I wore before were mine, I just dug these out and put them on. It's not like Mikey's around to yell at me anyway."

She smiled at his defensive tone and braided her hair down her back. She took her time drying off and slipped into a pair of clean sweatpants and a sports bra. Gerard held out the white t-shirt he'd brought her and she pulled it on.

"Can we just sit in here for a little while? I don't feel like—this—"she waved her hand toward the door, "yet."

"Yeah."

"Cool." Standing, Dom took the few steps across the room and wrapped her arms around Gerard, resting her head on his chest. He hugged her back, pressing a kiss to her forehead and squeezing her tightly. They stood quietly in their embrace for a while before Dom sighed loudly.

"I can't wait to start over," she whispered. "All I can think about now is how glad I am that Mikey stayed in LA. This was so much to handle."

"I heard from him this morning," Gerard replied, twirling a finger around the end of her braid. "He's doing really well. I wasn't sure how to tell him about all this so I just said we were excited to get back to LA."

"Good. He doesn't need to know about all this yet. He'll be pissed at me for not telling him but I need to deal with it first. I just need to get through tomorrow."

Gerard nodded grimly. The funeral. She'd insisted that Luke have a proper funeral and that his family saw him buried in a good light. They hadn't known about his business and thought of him as a successful man who went a little batshit after Dom left him. So she made sure the police helped his mother take care of the arrangements. Even after being traumatized she was still looking out for the man's well being. It amazed him.

"I love you," he whispered into her hair and she looked up at him.

"I love you too." She kissed him gently, her hands soft and still pruney on his chest. He hugged her a little tighter and she smiled against his lips. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She shrugged, "Everything."

* * *

><p>So... this is the second to last chapter. WooHOO! One more to go and then the cheesysappy END. Hopefully when I start writing my killjoy fic again it won't be as painful as this was but we'll see -crosses fingers-

I kinda feel bad that I'm not proud of this like I probably should be but... it was SO HARD to write for some reason so OOPS SORRY MY BAD.

K. I'm done.

Thanks for reading and see you for the finale. :)


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Gerard stared up into the afternoon sun and let out a quiet sigh. He still couldn't believe all the shit that had gone down a mere seventy-two hours before. He listened to the sounds of the distant city traffic, the noise rising with the cool wind that blew through the trees around him. The shuffle of clothing brought him back to reality and he turned his head to see Dom kneeling at a dirty headstone. She placed a small bundle of flowers at the base and he heard her sniff.

He watched her silently, her long hair was down and hid her face as she placed a hand on the stone. She was dressed in a simple black dress and sweater. He could see a few scratches slowly healing on the back of her hand but she looked generally unscathed. He smiled, admiring her for a moment before looking away. The funeral procession had made its way down the hill and out of sight, leaving the two of them alone.

"It really takes a lot of guts to come to the funeral of someone who meant to kill you," Ray's voice interrupted the quiet moment and they both turned. He waved, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his suit as he came to stop behind Dom.

She straightened and shrugged. "I needed this," she whispered. "This makes it real."

"Why the hell did he even get a funeral?" he asked, staring off down the hill to the short line of cars.

"Even though he wasn't the best guy, I knew his mother and I knew she'd want him to have one so I asked the police to allow her that courtesy. He was still someone's son and brother. His family deserves that. They didn't know about his other life."

Dom moved to Gerard's side and wrapped her arm around him. He squeezed her, pressing his lips to her temple. She looked up at him and smiled before resting her head on his shoulder.

"And this gave me a reason to come here," she continued. "To see my parents."

The wind rustled the petals on the flowers she'd just placed and Gerard glanced down at the stone. Her mother and father's names were engraved beside each other, her mother's a little more weather worn than her father's. Ray nodded grimly and glanced back over the hill toward where the hearse had disappeared.

"Well, Frank and Nat are meeting us for lunch. I'm heading over there now. They want to see you when you're ready."

"Okay," Dom nodded, breaking away from Gerard to hug him before he walked away. She combed her fingers through her hair and looked up at the sky for a moment. "I feel weird."

"How?"

"I've never been really free," she elaborated. "There's no weight anymore." Her eyes met Gerard's and he smiled.

"It must feel good."

"I dunno." She shrugged and held her hand out to him. He took it and gave it a squeeze as he followed her back down the hill to the cab they'd taken across town. He watched her as they both climbed in and she told the driver where to go. She still looked exhausted.

They kept quiet until the cab stopped in front of a Starbucks a few blocks from Dom's apartment. Frank, Nat and Ray sat by the window sipping from steaming cups and looking awkward. Gerard followed Dom inside and they all looked up, Nat being the first to jump out of her chair and wrap her best friend into a tight hug.

"Hey man," Frank nodded at him and he smiled back, sitting down beside Ray. "You both look wiped."

"It's been a long couple days," he nodded.

"I'm just ready to get the hell out of here," Dom sat beside him and smiled. The sadness in her eyes had disappeared and she smiled at him, nudging him lightly. "I love New York but I'm ready for LA. For a new start."

"Here-here!" Ray and Frank chorused and the group laughed. Nat smiled over her mug at Dom and took a sip of her mocha.

As the group split off into separate conversations Dom round herself staring out the window, she watched the people rush by in typical New York fashion and frowned when she caught herself staring intently at a man huddled down the block with a trench coat on. She was expecting him to be watching her but instead he glanced up at the sky, frowned and opened an umberella, jogginh across the street to the other side and rushing away.

"Hey," Nat nudged her under the table and Dom blinked, turned away from her paranoid people watching. She raised her eyebrows at her friend and Nat offered her a smile. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine," she nodded.

Nat frowned, "You really need to stop saying that when you clearly are not."

Dom shrugged. "I'm just trying to come to get over not having to look over my shoulder all the time anymore. It's weird."

"I know, but at least look a little happy, come on. You're leaving tomorrow!" She reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Yeah," she nodded and a small smile lifted the corner of her mouth. "Leaving all the baggage behind."

* * *

><p>Smiling up into the sun after the longest plane ride of her life, Dom took a second to breathe. She felt clean. Squinting into the sun she let the warmth bathe her and the breeze blow her hair out of her face. Taking another deep breathe she coughed and smiled. The cigarette smoke curling into her lungs reminded her she had stopped in the middle of a busy parking garage. Glancing to her right she watched Gerard take a long drag on the cigarette and breathe it out.<p>

"You have no idea what watching out smoke does to people, do you?" she plucked the thing from his hand and took a pull.

"What?"

Sidling up to him she blew the smoke in his face and handed it back. She waited for him to take another drag but this time he let it dangle between his lips so he could unlock the car. Dom groaned as he lifted his suitcase and then hers into the trunk.

"God, that's so sexy."

He shrugged, pulling the cigrette from his mouth and tapping the ashes off the end. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Throwing her hands up in the air, Dom sighed and slid into the car beside him. "Oh my god, how can you not? You have to be aware of the insane hornyness you cause whenever you light up a cigarette."

He smirked and shook his head. "Nope."

"Liar."

"Please, enlighten me, then," he glanced at her and waited.

"You're incredibly sexy when you smoke. Like, it should be illegal to look that good smoking a cigarette. Honestly, I'm ready to rip your fucking clothes off right now."

"What's stopping you?" Gerard wiggled his eyebrows and Dom groaned again.

"Oh I dunno, decency?"

"Right."

He laughed and pulled out of the parking spot, only giggling more when Dom shoved him and stole his cigarette.

* * *

><p>Mikey half expected them to stumble through the front door fondling each other when he heard the car pull up to the house. It had taken them almost double the time to get home from the airport so he wasn't surprised they were a bit ruffled when the front door swung open. Before Dom could step over the thresh hold, however, Gerard swung his arm out, stopping her.<p>

"No, wait hang on." She looked at him quizzically but he was already moving, doing his best to sweep her off her feet and into the foyer.

"You're only supposed to do that when you're married," she laughed but his older brother shrugged and went back out to grab their bags. Dom blushed when she caught sight of Mikey sitting in the kitchen sipping coffee.

"Mikey!" She squealed and rushed to him, barely giving him a second to stand up before her arms were wrapped tightly around him. "It feels like a lifetime since I saw you."

"Yeah, you look better, happier," he pointed out and she eyed him too.

"So do you. Who is she?"

Mikey gaped but Dom waved it off. "Come on, spill."

"Her name's Alicia," he admitted. "We met a while back and she was in town. We started reconnecting after Gerard went back to New York to help you move."

The grin that spread across Dom's face was one he hadn't seen in ages. Not only was it genuine but she practically glowed with happiness. There was no trace of the beaten down, stretched thin Dominica he was so used to seeing.

"Well, I personally can't wait to meet her. We should double date or something. But not this week, I have meetings to rent out a new space for my work. I'm going to start painting again!"

Gerard sighed, dropping the last of the luggage on the floor and joined them in the kitchen. He shared a look with Mikey and shrugged as Dom flitted around the kitchen like she'd lived there for years. Biting the bullet Mikey asked the question that had been bugging him since they walked in the front door.

"So why are you, like, inhumanly happy? This is weird."

He knew it couldn't have been just because Luke was gone and she was starting over. When he'd last talked to Dom before she flew out she was still struggling to accept that fact and it couldn't have even been because Frank and Nat had just finished moving into Frank's house. No it was something more than that.

Dom stopped her fretting and glanced at Gerard who smiled and shrugged. She chewed the inside of her cheek and moved across the room to him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small velvet box and opened it. Inside sat a diamond ring, modest in size and glowing the sun streaming in through the window.

"I didn't want to wear it because we've been travelling but...we were driving here and Gerard just kind of asked me. It was really cliché and hilariously awkward but… I couldn't say no. Not after all the shit we went through these last couple… well since we met."

Mikey nodded and she closed the box, sticking it back in her pocket. "I don't even think he was planning on doing it. It just happened."

There was an awkward silence for a moment and they each looked from one person to the other before Mikey let out a laugh.

"Well, congratulations. I always thought it'd be Frank and Nat first but, hell, they won't be far behind."

The air in the room deflated and Dom went back to grinning like an idiot. She hugged him quickly before moving out of the room the get her bags and Gerard watched her go with a shake of his head.

"So you finally did it, huh?" he asked, handing him a cup of coffee. Gerard took a swig and nodded.

"Yep."

"It's about damn time."

* * *

><p>THE END<p>

So, yeah that's it. Now I'm gonna go put all my attention into my killjoy fic. I thinkI posted on here too. Y'all should read it. It's much better than this one and it's in first person. Yeah. But thanks for reading, I appreciate it. This is the first story I've finished in a LONG time so I am proud to have finished it. I think I said that last chapter but... whatever.


End file.
